After everything he did, and everything I swore I would never let him do again. I crossed that line to s*x and I just opened the door to his ability to f**k me up all over again. It hits me like a sucker punch in the stomach as my entire happy mood and tingles give way to crushing self-doubt and the heavy weight of complete panic once more.
Didn't I learn anything?
Didn't I tell myself that when it came to s*x he changes and turns on me like a caged beast?
I have been down this road before! When I stupidly thought it wouldn't change anything and it changed EVERYTHING.
My heart is no longer slowing from exertion, but pounding and hammering in my chest as fear and the realisation that he will destroy me all over again hits me hard. It's what he does. Only this time I'm not strong enough.
