Pregnant with the Bad Boy

17

“f**k it then.”

His eyes went dark again before letting me go and stared to pull himself of the floor standing up and starring down at me still kneeling in front of him making me feel even smaller before his height towering over me.

 “I thought you loved me?!” his accusing voice was hurt, and he let go of my hands that I had reach out to calm him down but how was I kidding, I wasn’t f*****g calm either breathing shallow breaths trying to take control of my emotions making a mush of my insides.

I looked down at the ground, it wasn't right for him to push me like this.

“I do! More than anything!” I stared pleading at his face as he had turned away from me, I didn't want him to be angry but what he was asking of me is ridiculous.

“I need air.” He still wasn't looking at me as he grabbed a packet of cigarettes and walked through the front door which he closed behind him. I was left stunned. He had seriously asked me to marry him.

I couldn't do that, could I? I loved him and I didn't want to be with anyone else so why was it so crazy? I was quickly arguing with myself before stopping, I had to say something more about it, I didn't want us to end, not like this. but I wasn't ready for a marriage either, I needed more time. I stood up, I had made up my mind, it had to make it or break it as I glanced at the door, I could smell the smoke smell quickly settling around us as I stepped out the door. He stood leaning against the railing and the glow lit up the night, I almost didn't want to disturb him where he was, but he had already noticed me and I walked up to his side and clenched my fists nervously where I stood and he hadn't said a word or even done anything to show that he even acknowledged my existence.

I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with the smoke, he waited for me to say something.

“Can I have one of those?” I pointed to the cigarette in his hand and to my surprise he shook his head.

“Nope, I'm trying to quit by myself.” He drew the smoke back in his lungs and held it in for a while before blowing it straight out into the night. I sighed; Dylan was the same even after something that should have shaken a man to his core.

“About get married?” I weighed my feet; I was sweating as I stood there in the balmy night, and he had stiffened as soon as I brought it up.

“Does it have to be now? Couldn't it be later?” I watched his reaction carefully, he seemed to be thinking about it and I continued.

“I'm trying to meet you halfway here Dylan, I'm saying I want to marry you, but in the future...” he leaned forward more, and I knew he was pissed again, or he never stopped being mad at me, I guess.

“So exactly the same answer as before then.” He drew the last of the smoke and threw the glowing fag on the ground, I looked disapprovingly at his nonchalant behaviour.

“Is it?!” I furrowed my eyebrows in annoyance, he was f*****g impossible sometimes.

He blew out the last of the smoke and my heart pounded hard as he turned to face me with the same hurt eyes but now, he was still angry with me.

“It is, why can't you just tell it like it is instead, I'm no good for your family when it comes down to it, just a simple fuck.” His words burned me hard as I took an insulted breath at his accusations.

“that's not true, mom likes you and Mandy has more or less done everything she can to make sure I wouldn't give up on you.” I stared into his rock-hard eyes, and he didn't budge an inch, of course.

“But surely their opinion isn't the one that counts, it's the one holding the money that will have the last word.” His face was so horrible and calculated that I almost didn't recognize him. I knew who he meant.

“I don't give a damn about my dad, I haven't been living off him like you think, since the day I moved out I've been surviving on my own, without his help.”

His face became a little embarrassed, and I suddenly understood why he had hated me so much over the years.

-You thought I was living off him and was afraid I'd lose the money if I told him about you? He nodded half humiliated and I blinked, everything falling into place, how he'd baited himself and why he'd been so f*****g mean to me when we started to mess around.

“f**k Jen... I didn't know...” he restlessly crossed his face and I smiled now, how could he know, we didn't know each other.

“Do you understand now why it might be stupid to get married already, you don’t even know me, know my family more then what you heard by rumour.” I smiled wider and he nervously pulled the cap on his head.

“I still want to do it.” He stopped twisting the cap and looked me straight in the eye, I was so taken by his seriousness, he really wasn't one to give up.

“Yeah, but you haven't even told me that you love me back, are you saying that I should marry you without even knowing it?” I stood with my arms crossed and he shuddered as I forced him to talk about feelings.

“How can you not know it by now, I've done everything for you, haven't I?” His voice was convincing, and he was right, he had done everything for me.

“Say it. or I won't even think about it.” My eyes widened at the threat I was giving him, and he turned back to the fence.

“You're such a pain in the ass...” he flicked at the cigarette packet in his pocket and before he could think, I quickly took it out of his pocket and threw it into the flower bed below. He cursed loudly at me as I laughed mischievously at his anger.

“f*****g hell babe!”  His voice was angry, but I could tell he couldn't help but laugh himself as I shrugged.

“You said you wanted to quit.” I looked provocatively into his still surprised eyes at what I had just done.

“I love you.” His voice was honest, open, sober. I melted like wax in the sun at his smile as he saw the effect it had on me.

I held on to the fence to keep from falling, feeling like my lungs couldn't get oxygen anymore and sweating from my pounding heart as he grabbed me and pulled me into his arms.

“Not so easy to process in a few seconds?” His voice was teasing towards me, and I nodded absently against his chest out here in the darkness still trying to catch my breath almost dizzy by the sudden rush of emotions exploding inside me.

It was like something clicked in me from his words, like I no longer cared what others would say, I wanted him.

“I want a real wedding; it doesn't have to be a big one as long as it's not drive in or anything.” His heartbeat went up and I looked up at his face just slurring out everything that came into my brain at his almost calm smile making his features even more handsome.

“This is what I want us to tell my parents, I want them there, my family.” I rattled off a lot of things that I had just been thinking about on the sly, something that was deep inside of me where I never went more than in my thoughts.

“I promise, I'll take care of you.” His voice was calm, and I too quiet unbelievably considering what I had agreed to.

He let go of me and I looked surprised as he unclasped the necklace with the delicate gold cross on it, I looked dumbfounded as he locked it around my neck and placed it at ease on my neckline.

“Dylan why...?” I touched the warm gold and he just smiled lovingly at me; I knew I had never seen him without it on since I started seeing him.

“It was Mom's, I've had it since she died.” His voice was sad, and I immediately started trying to get it off.

“Baby no, I can't have it if it's from her...” he stopped my protests and stopped my hands, I looked up at him with tears in my eyes, I didn't want to take what he had after her.

“Relax, she would have wanted you to have it.” he fell silent again and I realised I knew nothing about her, or about his family.

“Tell me about her.” He brightened up in his eyes at my question, and we slowly walked hand in hand back inside and sat on the couch.

He had taken out a picture of her, I admired the incredibly good-looking brunette with a big smile and brown beautiful eyes, she had the cross around her neck, I got a lump in my throat where I was sitting with it on now, she was sitting on a balcony somewhere on a sunny day, it made me happy for some reason.

“She was really beautiful...” I fell silent as he nodded taken by the sight of her, I suspected he didn't take out the photo very often as his hand trembled from holding it.

“What was her name?” I calmly trailed my fingers over his arm holding the photo and he pressed his lips together. I leaned my head against his shoulder, it tore at me to see him like this, this was a side that almost no one got to see, and I felt deeply grateful that he chose to share it with me.

“Carrie Hopper.” He said her name slowly and I could barely believe how he stood it, I wanted to cry myself at the thought of my mom being mad at me, but his was gone, forever.

“What was she like? Was she purple stubborn like you?” I was drawn into his smile as he was still looking at the photo of his beautiful mother.

“She was a free spirit, messy and always went her own way... she cooked terrible food so we usually ate something from a can...” his voice disappeared again and I slowly took the photo from him, he quickly put his hands to his face and I didn't look at him as he quickly pulled away the tears that had come through, I understood that it was hard for him, even though I was the one here, he was used to being on his own, having no one by his side since she passed away.

“She sounds wonderful...” I smiled again at the photo, she looked like someone who would have wanted her son to be happy and not struggle so damn hard against the world like he did.

“She was, she was a f*****g mess that moved like a hurricane, but she was fighting for what she wanted in life, and she was fighting for me.” He smiled at some memory he had brought up and I pulled his arm comfortingly.

“She sounds like a fantastic woman, and considering she raised you, it can't have been easy.”

 I smiled meaningfully at him as he laughed low and put his arm around me.

“She would have liked you Jen, she never kept her mouth shut either.” He was laughing loudly now, and I was glad he could laugh again, I nudged him playfully but quickly curled into his arms as he offered it.

“Why did she die?” I didn't want to make him sad again, but I wanted to know everything about her as it was my duty to find out as much as I could about his story.

He squinted at me, his face stripped of emotion, and I understood that in his mind he was back to when it happened.

“Cancer.” He said the word rejected and I looked at him in panic, what the hell was he saying to me.

“Dylan, are you honestly saying that your mother died of cancer, and you are f*****g smoking!?” My voice got louder with every word I said, I panicked, how could he be so f*****g stupid!?

“Calm down Jen...” he tried to silence me as I angrily turned to face him and looked him challengingly in the eye.

“You choose me or the cigarettes.” He just looked at me aimlessly as I frustrated angrily at his surprised face which quickly got a smirk as I looked at him angrily, he thought I was joking.

 He sighed sourly now, and I pulled away from him, I was serious.

 “Are you going run that s**t every time there's something you don't like?” His grey eyes were tired and bored, but I didn't care.

“No, just this once.” I glared angrily at him, and he laughed wearily at me as I sat legs crossed on the couch, thinking of what I could say to make him understand how scared I was that he would disappear on me.

“Dylan, I don't want to marry someone who actively chooses to maybe get sick and dies from me.” I had already let the panic set in and was rambling on about my fears, not caring that I was babbling on way too much about my fears before he was even ready to hear them.

“I mean what if we have kids later, are they going to grow up without a dad?” His gaze darkened as I got to a topic, I hadn't thought to bring up yet.

“Jen, I'm not going to die, I'm going to try to quit smoking, so our kids don't have to grow up fatherless.” He said it all at once and I realised exactly what we had been discussing and looked at him dumbstruck.

“Do you want kids?” I must have looked surprised because he laughed at me as he nodded and smiled that charming smile that made me melt.

“Later.” He added it quickly and I nodded, of course, we weren't in any position to have children by a long shot either practically or mentally right now, I mean I was a f*****g mess.

He immediately looked worried, and I looked at his furrowed brow with concern.

“Yeah... you... aren't...” he paused as I rolled my eyes at his terrified face and laughed nervously at his question.

“No Dylan, I promise I'm not pregnant, I smiled reassuringly at his concern, and he suddenly exhaled again after tensing his whole body.

“Well...” he quickly looked at my amused face at his panic, he was probably sweating over all the times he had realised himself inside me that jerk.

“Well, what I mean is that I want to have a kid, but we can't have it now...” he stared shamefacedly away as I chuckled amusedly at his defensive speech.

“Wow nice save tough guy.” I was still sitting on the couch with him, and I squinted at my luggage, now that we'd gone through all the heavy important decisions that weren't made after a week together like we had done, I wanted to sleep.

“Where are you going?” He followed me anxiously as I walked towards the door and grabbed one of the bags and opened it, I know I had seen a tank top in here somewhere.

“To the bedroom, you know to sleep, that thing we should be doing right now?” I looked up at him and smiled reassuringly as he nodded reassured by my words, he probably thought I was going to leave him.

He studied me away from the couch, I felt the cross hanging below me where I sat leaning forward digging through my things, it had a weight to it that made me feel safe, absolutely f*****g amazing how this day had ended, we were speeding along at the speed of light, but I felt like I didn't care anymore, it was our life and no one else's.

I triumphantly pulled out a white soft tank top and a pair of shorts with some cat on them and he smiled stupidly at my treasure hunt.

“Are you coming or what?” I had stood up and walked over to the couch where he was still sitting, it had been a long day for both of us, and as I had understood, a perfectly ordinary day with him I had begun to understand, lord have mercy on us.

He took my hand and kissed it slowly, it felt good, and I smiled to myself, it felt amazing to be here with him, now I just had to deal with the rest of the world that would be against us.

He let go of my hand and I walked into the bedroom where it was cool, and I gratefully grabbed the toothbrush I had brought with me and quickly walked into the small bathroom.

I blinked at the bright light in the fluorescent and pulled off my dress, thank goodness I had finally gotten it off as I pulled on the linen and shorts and quickly put the toothbrush in my mouth and studied myself in the mirror, I stared at Dylan's mom's cross, I could have had tears in my eyes again if I had the energy, my big dumb playboy boyfriend, no not boyfriend. I shuddered at the thought, fiancé. The word stuck in my head, and I found myself grinning stupidly at myself, I was no better than Mandy it seemed, I was a hopeless romantic, at least to Dylan.

I turned off the tap and switched off the light and went outside, he was already lying there in bed, I thought he was asleep as he blinked at me and looked at me before he flung his arm out for me to lie next to him, my heart raced, there he was lying so perfect and handsome, and he was just mine.

I didn't hesitate for a second as I lay down and crawled up into his arms, he still smelt of cigarettes, but I didn't care, he had promised me to stop, try anyway. I kissed his cheek gently as he turned to face me, and we lay face to face.

“Good night tough guy.” I kissed his mouth lightly and he smiled faintly in the darkness as we turned off the light.

“Good night, babe. He pulled me closer, and we lay tightly entwined, it felt good to have him all around me as I lay far up in his arms. He was asleep after five minutes, but I was awake as usual nowadays.

Tomorrow I would try to get hold of my mom, if I had made such big decisions, I wanted to talk to her, I so hoped she would forgive me for being so stupid to her. I fingered the cross around my neck, sometimes you didn't get a second chance and I wasn't going to let my pride stop me from making it better between us.

I closed my eyes now, no I had to sleep now. I listened to Dylan's heavy breathing; it was like the best medicine for insomnia as I fell asleep quickly after that.