The Mute Luna

Chapter 2: Wistful

Carter's heart thudded painfully in her chest as her eyes landed on the letter in her father's hand. Panic spread immediately from her heart all the way to the edges of her toes and her fingertips. Deep down she had known it was coming, perhaps she had always tried to bury it in the back of her mind, but seeing it now, she felt the fear of trying to hide it wash over her, all in an instant.

She managed to write a reply on her white board.

'What letter?' She wrote. Her words were a little messy from her sweaty palms. She looked at Joey when she finished and saw he looked confused, not playing dumb as she did. 

Her father took a deep breath and looked at her with a small smile. “You knew this was coming, Carter. I told you when you were very young that this happens every year to the seventeen year old kids that are still mateless. We received the letter telling us when the Masquerade Ball is a few days before to get you a dress, makeup and plane tickets to go to LA.” 

“Wait!” Joey yelled, suddenly looking nervous and angry. “It's THAT letter? My parents didn't tell me that I actually have to go to that mess. It's stupid and I don't even want to find a mate.” It was clear Joey was angry because it was very rare he spoke like that to the Alpha, almost never at all.

It scared Carter and she clung to his arm to calm him down, silently yelling at him to shut up. He may be her best friend but that did not mean her father would look past his anger at Joey for speaking with disrespect. 

The Alpha growled, suddenly sounding irritated. “Don't talk to me like I am not your leader.”

Joey realized how he had spoken to Carter's father and bowed his head to please him, a look of sudden fear in his eyes.

Carter's father huffed and shook his head. “Look, you were both taught this when you were kids. This ball has been going on for almost a hundred years now, founded by every pack that was not of rogues. You dress up, have fun and meet the love of your life. It's a right of passage and needs to carry on. Neither of you have found your mates yet and if you do not go, you will be forever mateless. Some have been known to go insane when not finding their mate because their wolf inside can not go on without them. And Carter, you are my daughter but if even you stayed here, you would not be Luna or Alpha when I pass. You need a mate. And as you know the rules say that if your mate is not from your own pack, you may discuss whose pack you will stay in. If you want to leave, I understand. Same to you, Joey.”

'Dad, I can't go.' Carter wrote. Tears were welling in her eyes but she fought them back. If she went, her mate would reject her. Even with some dress and makeup, who would want a mate who couldn't talk? A mate who had night terrors and only trusted her best friend and father?

No one. No mate would ever be that good to her. She didn't deserve that anyway.

“You have to.” Her father looked at her with sympathy but still put his foot down. “I don't want to see my daughter all alone, Carter. Now, go on upstairs. I will have Joey take you dress shopping tomorrow and Joey, grab a tux. Now, go on.” 

Carter didn't have the strength to argue. She was too upset and too tired to fight with her father. And it didn't quite work when she couldn't actually say anything. She didn't realize she was walking until she got to her room and opened the door with Joey right behind her. She threw her white board onto the floor and flopped onto the bed face first, a silent groan escaping her heart. Her body ached, her mind was fuzzy and her heart was too still to be panicked.

She felt the bed sink with pressure next to her and she knew Joey was watching her. His green eyes were full of emotion but they were too jumbled for her to tell what they were. Neither of them said anything for a moment.

“You know we have to go,” Joey said in a hushed voice. It reminded her of when he helped her with her nightmares.

Carter didn't say anything but put her head up and looked at him. He continued. 

“I would like to find my mate, I suppose.” He wondered as he spoke. “Perhaps it would be nice to find the love of my life, have someone to love and kiss and hold in my arms. Get married, have a kid.” He sounded wistful, as if it was something he wanted but could never have.

It made Carter's insides ache with both longing and hurt. Was she not good enough?

She picked up her white board with a sigh through her nose and wrote. 'You act as if you can't have a mate.'

He shook his head. “No, I've just never put much thought to it. It sounds kinda nice.”

'Not to me.'

“Why?”

'Because my mate will reject me. Isn't it obvious?'

Joey seemed taken aback by this. “What? Carter, you're amazing. You are deadly smart, beautiful and have a great personality. Who could want more than that?”

'Someone who wants a mate with good looks, who wants someone who can talk and who doesn't have night terrors, screaming into the night.' Carter could feel her face growing red with both shame and anger at herself for getting upset.

Why should she care? Who said she would even have a mate anyway? Maybe she would not find a mate and just be mateless but with her best friend. It didn't sound too bad, really. She wouldn't have a heartbreak, wouldn't have her trust taken from her and broken like glass.

Her heart could be safe.

The thought calmed her.

Her best friend sighed and shook his head. “You really don't see yourself for who you are, do you? Carter, what she said isn't true.” His words were slow and careful, choosing them very carefully. Carter tensed and felt herself getting angry again. 

'Don't talk about it.' She wrote. 'When everyone talks about it, they look at me like a freak or like they are sorry for me.' She looked away with angry tears in her eyes. How could he say that? He knew talking about her mother was forbidden because it only made Carter sad and added to the night terrors she had every night. Her heart ached and something in her stomach burned and squirmed inside her, making her both nervous and scared. 

“YOU SHOULD NEVER SPEAK.” Her mother's voice still rang in Carter's head to that day. Her mother's voice was filled with rage, a cold hatred that Carter had never known existed until she heard it.

It always made her shudder and break down. 

Joey tensed, knowing he had said the wrong thing for once. He instantly took her in his arms as fresh tears rolled in waves down her face and whispered comforting things as she sobbed silently. It always went back to her mother. Her mother caused her this pain. Her mother made her mute. Carter hadn't seen her mother in ages. And it was Carter's fault. 

And I shouldn't be allowed to talk anyway. Carter thought. She'd forget everything that night at the ball, yes. She'd go to the ball but not find a mate, only have fun and forget it all. Who needed a mate anyway? Who needed another heartbreak? Carter had built walls many years ago.

And no one was going to take them down.