LOVE ME A LITTLE MORE (M×M)

~2~

I was even more messed up when I returned back home from Mr. Hudson's clinic. He was supposedly my therapist, the one I should be able to tell my every problem without thinking much of a judgement. But Mr. Hudson turned out to be a guy, I couldn't take my eyes off.

As silly as it sounded, Mr. Alderic Hudson had caught my attention, my eyes. I had a crush. At my mid twenties, I had grown a crush. On my therapist. And he probably is as straight as I am a gay. Very straight. And he had asked me to meet him again, after fifteen days. Like hell, I would come again.

When I reached home, Mom was eagerly waiting for me. For I had lied to her that I had gone out on a date with a woman. But what else could I do other than lie to her? I wasn't sure if my Mom was homophobic or not. But I was sure as hell, my homosexuality would break her. She always ushered me to get a woman for myself. That a woman can change a man for a good cause. But she never asked me if I wanted it that change to be a man. A boy.

She never had the thought cross her mind that maybe, just maybe, her son is not into women. Maybe he finds masculinity more appealing than feminine grace.

"So how was it? Did you like her?" She asked me with the widest smile on her face. Her eyes sparkling with hope and my heart broke yet again. I faked a smile.

"It was...... okay." I answered and she frowned. She walked closer to me, making me feel conscious of what she was going to say next.

"Did you not like her?" She asked again, this time her voice was devoid of any excitement. If anything, it was plain. Bland.

Suddenly Mr. Hudson's piercing brown eyes flashed in front of my face. So did his sandy locks combed back and his sharp, chiseled face. Who would not like that piece of art?

"He— She was okay, Mom. It went.... fine. More better than I had anticipated it to be." I said with a slight smile and her frown softened.

"So, tell me how was she like? Was she humble? Confident or shy? Will I meet her in near future?" She bombarded me with questions, I had no answers to. I bit my lips, looking up at her with my tired eyes. Maybe a drink would help.

"She was..... beautiful. Soft yet piercing brown eyes. Her sandy hair were combed elegantly. She was calm, Mom. She was akin to the serenity we only find away from cities, amid the woods and nature. But his— her eyes held a storm that was hidden behind the calmness of her behaviour. And she was very confident, indeed." Her eyes brightened and I clenched my eyes as my own words registered in my mind.

Why did I sound like a highschooler? Ew.

"So you did like her. Hm?" She teased me and I scoffed, shaking my head as I plopped down on the couch, tugging on my dark, unruly locks. I should get a haircut soon. It's been a long time.

"Like I said, Ma. She was charming, yes. Now, I'm really tired and hungry. What's for dinner? I'll be back in fifteen minutes after taking a warm bath. My muscles ache."

"But.... but I didn't cook." Mom said, with a slight worried expression and I looked at her with my furrowed brows. "I thought, you took her for a supper. Did you not?"

Her eyes narrowed and I mentally face palmed. Of course, how can I forget. You take your date to a restaurant for food. I smiled nervously, laughing gently as I nodded my head.

"Of course, I took her out for food, Mom." I lied thorough my teeth. "It's just that I was too nervous to eat much. But don't worry, I'll have some fruits and a glass of water before going to bed."

"Nonsense! No child of mine will go to bed hungry. You go take a good bath and relax your muscles. I'll quickly make some soup and bread for you. Do you want a cup of tea too?" Mom asked me as she started to work on the dinner and a smile slipped on my face as I shook my head.

"I am your only child, Ma. And no, I'll pass. I'll be back in a few minutes, hm." With that I rushed up to my room.

I placed my glasses on the table and ran some hot water before I stripped out of my t-shirt and trousers. I walked in my bathroom, placing my body gently in the bathtub filled with water and closed my eyes as I let the hot water ease my sore muscles.

Maybe a self care day won't be bad. But who would give you holiday, Theodore Roosevelt? Because your Boss won't approve your another leave. I let out a sigh, taking some body washed on my palms before I rubbed it against my skin before washing it off.

I wrapped the towel around my waist before I walked out of my bathroom and dressed into a t-shirt and pair of boxers. I wanted to dry my hair but I was too lazy to do it. Mom always scolded me for I always let my hair dry itself and walked with damp hair for hours.

But I loved it when she dried it for me. When I was a kid, I only used to get dressed by my mother. I would only have my mother comb my hair but as I grew older, the invisible distance amid us sometimes felt heavy. Adulting is hard. Especially when you can't be that kid anymore who used to curl up in his mother's laps when demons chase him. You become your own demon. And you don't want your mother to see your weak side.

"I see you took your time. I also prepared your dinner. And...... you didn't dry your hair again! You're an adult now, Theo. You should learn to take care of yourself!" She rebuked me sharply as she grabbed a towel from the cabinet outside the kitchen and walked closer to me.

A small smile formed on my face when she started to rub the towel gently against my hair, occassionally mumbling how careless I was for my own health but her gestures only made me smile. My mother was a very sweet woman. Very caring. When she was done and satisfied with my almost dry hair, she pulled the towel away and placed my dinner in front of me.

"There's no difference between us, my son. Even I never told your mother than I can tie my own tie so that she can tie it for me every morning. And even you don't dry your hair deliberately so that she can do it for you." Dad said as soon as Mom left the kitchen when her phone started to ring. Must be Aunt Charlotte.

I smiled sipping my soul as I shrugged my shoulders, taking a bite of my toasted bread.

"It's fine as long as she doesn't get to know and continues to dry my hair for me with the same anger and love." I said with a chuckle and he shook his head, laughing with me.

"What are you father and son laughing on?" Mom asked us, raising her brows and I looked at father and he smiled impishly at me.

"Nothing, darling. Just teaching him how important it is to do our own work." Dad said, faking the seriousness and Mom rolled her eyes at him.

"Really? Then learn making your tie then. No wonder he got his indolence from you. You both are nothing but sloths."

And I couldn't help but join Dad into laughing and Mom looked at us like he had grown two heads. No matter, how harsh things are, some things never change. Some people never change. Some love never diminishes.

~~~~~

"So, how was you meeting with the therapist?" Kyle— my best friend asked, munching on his nuggets and I was just playing around with my food. My eyes snapped up to meet his when he mentioned the therapist. Alderic Hudson. It's been fifteen days since I last met him. I had an appointment scheduled with him yesterday but I ditched it. I was too embarrassed to attend it again. To face him again.

"It went okay." I mumbled, taking the spinach inside my mouth and almost gagged at its taste.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't accompany you last time. Family emergencies are worst, I am telling you. But see, here I am. I'll accompany you in your next meet." Kyle said, gently. And Kyle was never the one to speak softly. Shaking my head, I sipped some water.

"It's fine, Kyle. I understand. Family is important. And no, no need to go to the therapist's clinic." I said, almost forced out and his eyebrows shot up at my statement.

"You have someone else accompanying you?" He asked and I shook my head and he beamed at me. I don't know what he was so happy about. I mean, all I could see around me was misery and pain. And Kyle always managed to see something good in every bad.

"Then I'll come with you. Period." I rolled my eyes at his cheeky grin and shoved a leaf of sauted spinach in his mouth and he scrunched his nose and gagged at the taste of it. Same, bro. Same.

"How do you even eat this stuff!"

"Just like you are eating your chicken nuggets. Same way." I mocked back and he scoffed. "And, none of us are going to the therapist's clinic." I said, a bit firmly to let him know that I was serious on my decision.

"Why?"

"Because I said so." I said slowly, taking a piece of the capsicum in my mouth before chewing it slowly. His eyes narrowed as he glared at me dangerously. But again, Kyle was a dangerous man. He was like one of those kids who looked innocent, who sometimes acted innocent but were very evil deep down their heart.

"You maybe my superior in the office premises, Mr. Theodore Roosevelt but in this canteen, neither you are my boss and nor am I going to comply with your orders!"

"I'm used to it, Kyle. You never listen to me inside the office premises either. And for your kind information canteen also comes under the office premises only." I said with a sly smile and he only glared me, hard. Kyle looked hilarious this way. Ready to burst out in anger. Cute even. No! No. Stop, Theo!

"That was not my point, Theo! Look at yourself! You look like a truck ran over you. You have dark bags under your eyes. You barely rest nowadays. You come to work an hour early and don't leave until it's late. Tell me, what the f**k in going on? Because I can damn see shits turning down. You're my best friend, Theo. My only friend. You know, you can trust me, right?"

His voice turned soft in the end, making me swallow nervously. He was my best friend. My only friend too. But that doesn't help my insecurity. I don't want to lose my only friend when he gets to know that I don't like women. Maybe he'll think wrong of me.

"I'm fine. And maybe, maybe I just want a raise in my salary." I tried pathetically and he rolled his eyes, glaring at me, making me sigh.

"Don't feed me bull-crap, Theo. I know you." You don't.

Before I could reply him back, my phone started to ring. My eyes looked at the number and name flashing on my screen. Mom. Thanks for the save, mother dearest.

"Yes, Mom?" I said, answering the call when I heard her voice from the other end.

"I know, you already come late from work, child but I wanted you to bring me some tomatoes, milk and cottage cheese while your way back home."

"It's okay, Mom. I'll get them for you. Anything else?" I asked her, sipping my water.

"No. That's it. Thanks, Theo." And with that the line went dead.

"Theo......" Kyle started and I shook my head, pointing towards my wristwatch.

"I have to submit the designs I made for Mrs. Wolfe at 3 p.m. sharp. And I'm already running ten minutes late. We'll discuss this later, okay."

"Oh, we will, Theo!" I sighed.