Once and once again -- The scarred prince's human mate

Shivers up my spine

Silas

My knees bop up and down, and I swear my back is sweating in this damn shirt. I never have back sweat. But tonight, anything goes.

“Jesus, stop. You’re going to drive me nuts, little Si.”

Khai pushes my leg down forcefully and keeps his hand on my knee to prevent me from moving it.

Glaring at my twin brother for a millisecond before I turn back to the window of the limousine we’re sitting in, I focus on the greenery that passes by it.

Just a few hours. And after that: just the weekend. Then I’ll take my little sister back to the Blood Forest Guard with me. Home. The one place where I don’t have to try and fit in. Never. Where I can just work with no one getting on my nerves.

I love my family. I do. And the best thing about being here is seeing Mom all the time. I truly miss her the most whenever I don't make it to the family dinners or other smaller functions that are technically a chance to meet and catch up. But I could do without the third degree whenever I come around.

I know how I could make it stop. Make it all go away, and never have anyone ask me a question ever again. Won’t, however. I promised. And that is one thing I don’t do: I don’t break promises. They’re for life. The foundation for people to be able to rely on you. I want that. Badly. Pathetic, I know. What guy in his early twenties is looking for that kind of commitment?

“We’re here,” Khai announces excitedly, and I just want to rip the bow tie off my neck. It’s been feeling like it’s getting tighter all night. Must be made out of one of Greer’s carnivorous plants trying to suffocate me like flies to eat me later. After my run-in with one of those in my older brother's greenhouse when I was 10, I never set foot back in that thing.

We all push into the building, and my gaze is drawn to a massive flight of stairs when the most delicious scent wafts toward me. I can suppress the growl just in time. What’s that? Unable to fight the urge to follow that smell for long, I turn around but stop when I see a server across the hall with a platter of spiced pudding. The cardamom and vanilla scent must be coming from there.

I really wish I could smack myself right now. A tiny, hopeful, stupid part of me thought I’d smelled HER. Ridiculous, I hear you say? Oh, I’m aware of it. Even though my family tries to convince me otherwise, I know who I am.

The only child without ambition. A unique gift or talent to be honed. Which is why I was all too happy to find my place with Blood Forest. Somewhere where I belong because I can work hard. Show up for people, and that counts for something there. The paramilitary force has taught me most of what I know and given me the space to fixate on my hobbies.

My parents tried that too. They do their best. I know that. It feels like I’m less, though. Never because they say so, but because that tiny nagging part in my brain can’t stop comparing me to my siblings.

How I’m not as musical as Jordan, a lady’s man through and through, but taken seriously when I want to be. I’m not as patient and emotionally intelligent as Greer and haven’t found serenity in plants and animals when people are too much. Nor do I spend hours in front of a screen saving the world like Khai, directing literal armies with the push of a button.

I hate arguing so much but still envy Luca for his skill at everything involving the law, and I can’t skate for s**t. Jade has one up on me in the ‘make friends’ department. I’m not as easygoing or friendly as my little sister. Can’t surf, can’t skate, and don’t have an eidetic memory.

So what can I do, huh? The hard labor. That’s how I work against that feeling of being little. So small I don’t even reach the tools sorted highest on my shelf. So small, I definitely don’t deserve a mate.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of that. Can’t get my head too far into the clouds. There are people that depend on me. A lot of people, actually.

Pushing into the hall after my siblings, I listen to Jade and Khai’s bickering. It’s more like background noise. I can’t focus, my gaze drawn back to the stairs constantly. The scent of vanilla and other herbs accosting my nose starting to annoy me. At one point, I start breathing through my mouth to avoid it and focus on one of my brothers doing trick shots with a few shrimp to distract myself.

“Greer!” Emma sounds worried, and my head snaps up.

“F**K.” My brother never curses, so this catches my attention, even though that scent still lingers.

“Where is Jordan?”, Greer presses out, turning to Emma’s mate Nasir.

“Over there… what… what’s wrong?”

“I need to talk to Mom and Dad, and… can you get Luca? He can play with the food later. I- There is something wrong.”

I don’t like how tense his voice sounds. He is the picture of patients usually. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever agitate him enough even to furrow a brow over. Greer is the epitome of ‘calm and collected.’ Not right now, though. So I step closer to hear him better.

“That vision… The room. That’s here. Somewhere in this building. I’m sure.”

Emma stares at him open-mouthed, and Khai is quiet for the second time tonight. And then hurries off to get our parents. Grabbing some water off the table to his right, Greer looks at all of us. I wonder what we look like to him right now. Growing up, we were a tight-knit group, and I know I would die for any of them. They are family. But we don’t really know each other anymore.

That naturally comes with age, growing up, and simultaneously apart. Sometimes it feels like I’m taking it the hardest, though, wondering how they do it. How they push away the constant wish to be around each other. It’s really strong with Khai, but we haven’t found something to connect over in years, and now it feels out of reach, like I wouldn’t even know where to start.

I follow Greer’s gaze around our little circle.

Luca seems relatively relaxed, Jordan has a stern look on his face, and Jade looks at me wide-eyed, like a deer caught in the headlights, while Khai guzzles down the glass of liquor he’s holding.

When Emma comes back with our parents, we huddle in a corner, and Greer recounts his vision and tells us how, in this one, he is sure he could see the banister closing off the stairs.

“There is something down there, I’m sure- I just have this gut feeling. I- Can we just check it out?”

And my gaze moves there. However much I want to, I can’t drag it away. It’s like a simultaneous tug at the base of my head and in the depths of my stomach, my gut dropping to my knees. Taking as many whiffs of the intoxicating scent, I’m focused on my thoughts and don’t hear much of their discussion.

“OK.” When Dad nods after a minute, I feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Finally. Can we do something about this now, yes? Oh no. More planing.

“So Si, Luca, and Greer will take that one, and Jordan, Khai, and I will use the one inside. We can lure the guards away, but it would be weird if the king climbed over the balcony and trudged through the garden.” Most of us nod in agreement, and I see Emma tighten her grip on Nasir’s arm.

Jade loudly complains about being left out. The short discussion that ensues is completely lost on me. Impatience tightening like a coil in my stomach. Now that I can finally get to acting, it releases slowly. Luca, Greer, and I make our way over to the big bifold glass doors leading outside and I grab a knife, shoving it into one of my boots before slipping through them. Once we get to the balcony’s banister, I jump it and land in a patch of grass. Crouching to hide in the shadows thrown by the building, I stalk forward.

“Show off.”, I hear Luca mumble before he climbs the stone surrounding the balcony as well and carefully makes his way down. From the corner of my eyes, I see Greer follow him. Pulling at my neck, I get rid of the bow tie before we move in on the door at the side of the building.

When I see something shimmer in the grass, a slight growl passes my lips. Picking it up, I hold the pat lock so the others can see it. Someone got here before us. The hair at the back of my neck stands up, and a coldness I haven’t felt before creeps up my spine.