BROTHER

Chapter 5

The buzz of her iPhone's alarm was entirely unnecessary. She was well aware that it was 7:30 and she'd been through her closet three times already. There is no outfit for this conversation, she thought in frustration. Everything she had was either too classy or too revealing, too business-like or too casual. She growled, pulling a hanger from her closet and tossing it over her shoulder. What does 'we'll talk then' even mean? Talk about what? Was he trying to gauge how much she knew of his secret? Was he simply hoping to convince her not to tell anyone? She rolled her eyes at the thought. His private life is no one else's business! Though, given the fact she'd already spied upon him, she supposed he might be justified, if that was a concern he harbored.

Maybe that's not what he wants to discuss, she reasoned as she flipped absentmindedly through numerous outfits. Maybe it's the stupid, 'I need to know' comment! A groan escaped her for the third time since he left that afternoon. God did she want to take that stupid sentence back. It just slipped out! She had no doubt he'd thought of that as a plea. Maybe it was. Another groan escaped as her mind spun with thoughts and possibilities. She'd never felt so confused in her entire life!

A dress slipped from its wood hanger and fluttered to the floor as a horrible notion occurred to her. What if he hear that desperation I didn't mean in the sentence and what he wants to talk about is how f****d up I am? Abruptly, Thea felt cold all over and she was certain that this 'conversation' he wanted would result in her being carted away, either by cops or mental health specialists. Well, if that's the case…it won't matter what I wear, she thought as she made her way to her dresser, taking out a pair of jeans and a black tank top with an oversized flannel shirt over it like a jacket. It wasn't a sexy outfit, but given that she didn't know what this 'conversation' was about, it was good enough.

With one last look around the room and quickly tucking her iPhone into her back pocket. She ran down the staircase, determined not to be late, and was grateful to find that one of the family Townecars and its driver were waiting for her. The drive there was silent, but Thea didn't feel the need to fill it with chatter. There was nothing on her mind that she could share with anyone, but Miguel anyway.

When they arrived outside of the warehouse, Thea took a shaky breath before she pushed open the door; she tried to not let the drivers open the door for her too often. The night air was cold for California in January and the eighteen-year-old huddled a little more into her flannel over-shirt as she made her way to the main door of the building. Once again standing outside this very door, her mind was abuzz with questions and frantic thoughts. This is it; this is the moment for answers. Why does that intimidate me so? She closed her eyes briefly, screwed up all of her courage, and then pulled open the door and entered.

Her green eyes locked on Miguel immediately when she was inside. He was leaning over the incomplete bar, his elbow resting upon the plywood top with his cellphone held to his ear. His back was to the door so Thea took a few seconds to compare his outfit to her own. Not that I can go back and change now. He was dressed in a decent pair of jeans and a gray t-shirt. It was very similar to the type of outfit he wore when working on the club, hands-on without hesitation to the surprise of the workers he had hired. She let out a breath that she'd not been aware she was holding. I dressed right; go me! Silently, so as not to interrupt his conversation, Thea took a few more steps into the room, stripping off the flannel as she did so. That was when the phone call concluded and Miguel turned around.

"You're here." It wasn't a question, merely a statement of fact. Thea smiled weakly as she walked further into the warehouse. Nerves were flying around her stomach, making her feel uneasy, which was just ridiculous. It's Ollie. He didn't make her nervous; he shouldn't make her nervous. It's just a conversation.

"Did you doubt I'd show?" She asked as she made her way over to him.

"With you, I can never truly be sure of anything."

She bit her bottom lip a little as she came to a stop, her hip resting against the bar next to him. "That's because I'm a mystery."

He chuckled at that and mimicked her stance, "No, not a mystery; an enigma."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Not at all," Miguel countered with a small smile, "You're intriguing." There was that unknown look in his eyes again.

"Why do you do that?" She asked without thought.

"Do what?"

"Look at me like that."

"Like what?" He asked again, but she could tell but the twitch of his lips that he was messing with her. He knew exactly what she meant with her question. The jerk.

"You know what I'm talking about, Ollie."

There was a moment, just a fraction of a second really, where he seemed lost as to what to say, yet in a blink it was gone, replaced with a look of confident kindness. It was a look she was no stranger to. He'd always been confident, yet kind, to her. That was just Miguel. "I do." He stated simply, "but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell you."

"So..." Thea said, dragging out the word slowly, "what exactly are we here to talk about?" She folded her arms over her chest, unconsciously guarding herself in case her worst fear was indeed about to be realized. There was a small part of her that wanted to bolt from the warehouse, to simply go home and pretend she'd never said a thing to him about his secret, but Thea wouldn't allow herself to give in to her unease. Already she had come so far and she had been quite serious when she'd expressed her desire to know. The intrigue of it all would drive her crazy eventually if she hadn't dared to speak up.

The confusion was clearly written upon Miguel's face as he said, "We're here to talk about this." He gestured to the heavy metal door that led to his basement, his playroom.

There he goes again being vague! Thea didn't know how to be any clearer with her question without possibly outing her own secrets. It wasn't as if she could straight up ask if they were there to solely discuss his secret or if the conversation might include where she fit into that life. There was a chance, after all, that he hadn't heard a single thing in her voice when she spoke earlier. He might be completely oblivious to what I feel. If that was the case then asking where she might fit in would unnecessarily out her. She wasn't so brave that she was willing to gamble her entire relationship with Miguel by inquiring any further. No matter what his answer might be it was in no way worth that risk. Nothing was.

Thea huffed in irritation at his vagueness, "I thought we came here to discuss your secrets, not add more of them."

"Fair point," He said, tipping his head slightly in agreement. "We should sit. This could take a while." His hand came to rest on the small of her back as they moved over to a table. He waited for her to take a seat before he sat in the other chair. They sat in silence for a minute, both of them looking kind of unnerved, before a slightly weird laugh escaped her.

"So…" Thea said, dragging the word out a little, "how do we start?"

He chuckled awkwardly too, "I don't really know." He rubbed a hand over his face, "My other…everyone else is…isn't new to this like you. Not that that is a bad thing, Thea; it's a good thing, actually." Miguel smiled a little at that and reached for her hand, "My little Speedy, all grown up…I knew it would happen, but I didn't expect it, not really."

She laughed, "Did you think I'd stay twelve forever?"

"Hey," He chastised softly, "a brother can hope, alright?" She shook her head as her laughter died away slowly, "But you just had grow into a beautiful woman, didn't you?" A blush tinted her cheeks at the compliment. "Just had to go make everything so much harder for me."

A pun burned the tip of her tongue after that idle comment and briefly she considered saying it because this conversation was about honesty. That's too much awkward, she decided, banishing the pun to the back of her mind. "I, um…" God, why is this conversation so hard to have? She had plenty of thoughts and questions that deserved to be spoken, but she just couldn't find her voice. Damn it, Queen, since when are you such a coward? Miguel chuckled under his breath and Thea couldn't suppress her shiver.

"Shouldn't I be the one uneasy here?"

"Why would you be uneasy?" She asked, confused.

He looked at her seriously for a moment, evaluating her for the honesty behind her confusion. "Because you know now, Speedy, and I can't read your mind to know what you're really feeling and thinking." He sighed and folded his hands together on top of the table. In that moment, Thea felt as if she were about to be interrogated. It unsettled her even more. "How freaked out are you, really?"

"I'm not." That was an easy one to answer.

"You're…not." He echoed her statement slowly.

She shook her head in the negative, "No."

"Why not?"

Thea hesitated at that question. If she were to answer it truthfully, she would be outing herself in a way that could cause her entire world to come unbalanced if he didn't feel as she did. Yeah, that's not ever gonna happen. But she couldn't bring herself to lie to him either. It's Ollie. It's a bit alarming how many of my realizations start or end like that.

"I'm not freaked out because I'm," she took a deep breath. Here it goes. "I'm intrigued."

"Intrigued?"

A weak, frustrated noise escaped her, "Are you just going to keep repeating me all night?"

Miguel held up his hands defensively, "Honestly, Thea, you've thrown me for a loop tonight. I think I am entitled to a little shocked echoing." His hands fell again as he once more transformed before her eyes. Suddenly, his whole bearing seemed, brighter, lighter somehow. "I had hoped that maybe you wouldn't...think too terribly of me, but those were just that, hopes." He smiled softly in that way of his that made her feel like she had drank too many Red Bulls, jittery and inexplicably pleased. She'd done that; she had made Miguel smile like that. "You being intrigued," How does he make that sound as dirty as I meant it? "is more then I dared to think of."

Secure in the knowledge that she wasn't about to frighten him away, Thea grinned honestly and pushed her chair back slightly. Leaning forward, letting her hand come to rest upon his denim-covered knee, Thea whispered, "It's time to start thinking of it, Ollie."

In the time it took Thea to blink, Miguel had reached forward, cupped the back of her neck, gently but with just enough pressure, and pulled her forward a bit more. Her mass was precariously perched on the very edge of the folding chair, but she didn't care. Without any further warning, his mouth was on hers. His lips were ever so slightly chapped as they moved over her own. It was a simple kiss, nothing like she'd imagined. Ever since she'd discovered his secret, and perhaps even a little before that if she was being honest with herself, Thea had thought he'd be a demanding kisser.

As if he was reading her mind, Miguel wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her off her chair and into his lap. A breath escaped her at the change in position and he took advantage of it, briefly running his tongue over her bottom lip before tangling their tongues together in her mouth. The slow slide of the wet muscles against one another, the slight scratch of his day-long stubble against her face, the increased pressure of his mouth as it met her own, and the tightening of his hand upon the back of her neck. It was all so wonderful. That last part though was truly delicious, being held into the kiss as she was, made her want to deepen it even more.

Miguel pulled back first and Thea unconsciously moved to follow his lips, drunk with her desire for more of him. More, more, anything… As soon as those thoughts flickered across her brain, Thea panicked. That can't be good.

"I'm sorry," his voice was calm as he apologized and it made her feel cold inside. That has to be the fastest case of remorse for kissing someone ever. Yet, he hadn't pushed her away; she was on his lap, her thighs on either side of his own. Shouldn't he have made her sit back in her own chair if he were so regretful over the kiss? "I shouldn't have- you don't understand yet. It wasn't right for me to kiss you when you don't know what you're getting into." He sighed, his thumb sweeping over the back of her neck gently as he spoke. It lulled her into an odd sense of relaxation, spinning all of her negative thoughts into mere whispers, like traces of a dream forgotten in the light of morning. "You are just so...you've been driving me insane since I came home. You were so very close just now, so open and beautiful and I...lost my head for a minute. I'm sorry."

It was so sweet. He kind of looked like a puppy who knew that he'd done something bad and was waiting to be yelled at. "Ollie," she said, "I'm not completely without information. I've had access to Google, you know." Her lips turned up in a slight, kind smile. She hated seeing him look so regretful over something she'd enjoyed so much.

Then something else he said registered in her brain, "I've been driving you insane?" Thea echoed, disbelief coloring the sentence, "Are you kidding? I haven't done anything!"

He snorted, actually snorted, in response to that. "Are you kidding?" The look he gave her was pure disbelief and she flushed slightly. "The revealing, sexy clothes, the lingering looks, and of course, the baiting comments and the attention seeking behaviors." She opened her mouth to question that claim, but he beat her to the punch. "You have no idea how much strength of will it took to stay my hand when you were being so bratty." His tongue snuck out to lick at his bottom lip. Her eyes took in the vague shine to the pink skin with a muted feeling of glee. "I wanted to punish you so badly for being as foolish as you were."

"That's why you kept saying, 'if you were mine.'" The realization tumbled from her lips in a whisper.

He nodded, all brooding and serious. "If you decide you want all this," he gestured around them to indicate the empty club, "then such...undesirable behaviors must come to end, or there will be consequences." The sentence and its ominous warning hung heavy in the air. Doubts ate away at her confidence. Is this really what I want? Fear of reprisals and disappointing Ollie?

"And-" she started to ask, hesitant to speak the words for fear of giving him the wrong impression, "What happens if I decide I don't want all of this?" Now she too was gesturing around the soon-to-be party-scene.

"Nothing changes." He answered simply, easily. "Thea, you are my sister. You will always be my sister and nothing will ever change that."

"So if I don't..." She trailed off for a moment before picking the sentence up, "you won't cut all ties with me? You won't hate me?"

Miguel chuckled then and folded her into a gentle hug. "No Thea, I won't. If you decide that what I'm asking of you isn't for you, or even if we give it a shot and you don't like it..." He pressed a kiss into the top of her hair, "There will be no bad feelings or anything like that." He pulled her back slightly so he could look at her face. "Don't look so worried, Speedy. You and I will be always be you and I, okay? I promise."

"What about if I," again she hesitated, fearful of the answer. She'd never in all her eighteen years been so nervous during a conversation. "just want you without all of this..."

His blue eyes widened considerably at the question. Why is it so impossible in his mind that someone might want just a vanilla relationship with him? While she had no, nor did she want any, proof, Thea was fairly certain that before the Queen's Gambit vanished Miguel had an average s*x life. He hadn't always had a basement with whips and handcuffs. He was clearly capable of vanilla and yet he acted as though the idea of it was beyond his comprehension. What the hell happened to him on that island?

"I don't know, Thea." His voice sounded agonized, as if by simply asking she'd dragged him kicking and screaming across hot coals. Is it me? Is it that he can only imagine having a relationship with me if we push the boundaries to their limits in such a way? "I would try, if that's what you really want from me, but..." He sighed and the hand cupping the back of her neck slid to her shoulder and squeezed a bit. There was true turmoil in his gaze; the normal bright blue darkening like the turbulent sea in a storm. "I'm not- I don't do these things because they are fun... I mean, they are fun, obviously, but..." He sighed, "I do them because I need to, and all of my prospective partners need it too."

"Do I need it?" The question slipped out of her mouth without intent. f**k.

"Oh," Miguel said, amid a throaty chuckle, "I have never met a woman who needs it like you do, little sister." The term had her toes curling in her shoes and she just couldn't resist digging further into the topic. Her thirst for knowledge on this taboo subject was far too strong.

"Why?"

He smiled wickedly, "Do you really want to know?"

"Would I have asked if I didn't?"

"You?" He fiddled with the spaghetti strap of her tank top, twirling it between his fingers idly. His eyes met hers and the glitter in those depths made her feel happy on a level that she could not explain. "Yes, you would ask, even if you didn't want to know." He leaned forward slightly and nipped at her lips. "Fine, if you really insist..." His hand left the black fabric to push her hair behind her ear, his face completely honest and open as he looked at her.

"From what I've seen, you've spent the last five years alone. Having to take control of your own life when you weren't quite ready yet. You were, and still are in some ways, so young; you needed guidance and unfortunately you didn't get that." She nodded numbly, tears forming in her eyes. His right arm wrapped around her back and pulled her as close to him as possible. Her head fell to his shoulder unconsciously and his left hand ran gently over the back of her head. "Because of that you grew up and rebelled, desperate for someone to notice, someone to care enough." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head again. "Now you want someone to take that control that has been weighing on your shoulders, someone to direct you, care for you, and help you grow. It will give you what you need without the dangers you take now."

Slowly, and with the utmost caution, Miguel reached up and gathered all her hair together, gently using her brunette tresses to take her head off his shoulder. He smiled softly and released her strands, "For you, Thea, I will do whatever is needed." Her hair fell down about her shoulders in a cascade. "You just have to decide what it is that you want, that you need."

Without a word, he somehow slid her off his lap and back into her own chair. After a second, her mind began to clear of the misty haze that had seamlessly taken over her sense of decorum. Did I just cuddle him? The more outspoken part of her rebelled as she realized that, yes, she had cuddled into him. The other part of her though, perhaps the side that he had just so accurately analyzed, felt lighter because of the interaction. Did I really like that or is this conversation just screwing with my mind? What do I want? What do I need? Her brain was spinning with the decisions that had to be made and Thea just wanted to go back a few moments. It was so much nicer when his being surrounded her; when her only solid thoughts were a litany of his name.

"You'll also have to consider what this will mean for us, what it will make us."

She knew what he meant without him saying it. i****t. Just thinking the word made Thea feel all twisted up inside. He was right, though; if she accepted what he was offering her, it wouldn't be just the whole dominance and submission aspect, there would also be the taboo of it, the lying and the secrets. She and Miguel would never be normal. They could never go on a coffee date. They could never hold hands in public. They would be incestuous. God help them both if they were ever found out! It was wrong. So far, they'd done nothing that the two of them couldn't just awkwardly wave away. If ever there was a moment to gracefully bow out and save them both, this was it.

But then Thea looked at him and she knew there was no decision to be made. No mysterious 'they' had any right to put any restriction on Thea and Miguel's relationship. There were only a few people who had any input on how the two lived their lives and of those people, only the opinions of herself and Miguel needed to be considered in regards to this choice. So what if it is i****t? So what if it is wrong by society's standards? Society wasn't going to be involved in this; only they were. She wasn't about to let arbitrary rules tell her who she couldn't be involved with, who she could not give her whole heart to. This is our world, our lives. f**k the labels.

"I have thought about it. I've given it all serious thought." Her voice was confident and sure; humble had never really been an adjective used to describe her. "I know what we'll be risking, morals and laws we'll be breaking. I don't care if you don't."

His eyes wrinkled a bit at the corners, "You jump, I jump, remember?" The quote from Titanic had been an inside joke of sorts between them since childhood. A phrase to remind themselves that, when they felt their most alone, someone would always have their back. It felt right that the quote should be used now at such a momentous moment.

Her smile was completely sincere as she stated, "I want all that you are willing to give me, Ollie."

Something in him shifted as the sentence concluded. His shoulders lifted with a lightness and his face relaxed. He beamed at her and stood up from his chair with the quickness of an eager child. "Wait here." It was not a request.

Her eyes rolled in good humor. Where would I go? Before she could even begin to let her mind wander, Miguel was coming back out the basement door with something in his hand. He came up to her and held the device out.

"I thought it hadn't occurred to you that I might be interested?"

Awkwardly, Miguel scratched at the back of his neck. "Okay so, maybe I'd had a small hope. I prepared this on the off-chance... It will be ours. Only turn off airplane mode when absolutely necessary to download books or whatever...that way nothing on it can be tracked. Anything we want to share with each other: notes can be written in the word documents section, pictures can taken and saved, what have you. We'll just leave it for each other when we need to do so." Sending texts on their phones could be tracked by their cellular companies or internet service providers. If this device wasn't connected, they would be safe. It was very smart...and very unlike Miguel to be so forward-thinking.

"That's very well thought out." Thea praised, "Who told you about all this internet stuff?"

"I could have thought of it myself."

"Could have," she allowed, "but you didn't."

He grumbled slightly, his shoulders falling a little as he admitted, "Okay so I met a girl."

"A sub girl?" Thea guessed, feeling a ball of...something unpleasant and dark burning in her stomach. She didn't like it. Needing to focus on something else, the eighteen-year-old grasped the citron yellow thing and brought it to herself, flipping the cover back to reveal the standard screensaver of the k****e HD 6. She swiped at the screen; it wanted a PIN.

"The password is 8432." He commented idly and she typed it into the electronic book. Within a second, the carousel was displayed. "And, yes, she is." Thea kept her green eyes on the device, idly spinning the four items there over and over again. "She was the second submissive I matched with after I attended a speed match dating event for the lifestyle. Her name is Felicity, she's a great girl." That made her frown… Does he still talk to her? "She's really invested in the value of technology."

Thea raised her gaze, aware that if she kept looking at the screen it could make things awkward. "Are you and she..." She trailed off, afraid that by simply asking the question Miguel would think she was a jealous b***h. She wasn't sure how the dominance and submission thing dealt with someone having multiple partners. Some of her internet research had indicated that some Dominants had multiple submissives. Is that what Miguel wants? Am I about to be one among many?

His blue eyes glared at her for a few seconds, "If I were seeing Felicity, we would not be having this conversation." She flushed slightly under the anger; no offense had been meant by inquiring. "If we do this, Thea, you will be mine and I will be yours, only yours." He smiled softly and all of the negative feelings she'd been experiencing disappeared in an instant. "What's mine is mine. I don't share and I would not expect you to share either."

"But if she's ' a great woman,' why aren't you having this talk with her?"

"Yeah, she is and we would make great friends," Miguel allowed, "but she desires a dominant with a different mentality then myself, and I..." He reached out and twirled a strand of her hair around his finger lightly. "Deep down, I was waiting for you." His eyes were utterly soft and warm as he looked down into her face, "None of my matches were going to be good enough. They weren't you, Speedy."

"Only I am me."

He nodded in agreement, "the one and only."

Suddenly, Thea wanted to lean into his warmth again, let him hold her. It was a bit frightening, how much she wanted to let him take care of her. She had always taken charge of herself. The desire to relay upon Miguel felt weird and unsettled her greatly.

After a few seconds, Miguel seemed to shake himself out of the soft moment. "I want you to read everything in the carousel in the order it appears on there." Her attention turned back to the screen. It had gone dark with sleep; she turned it back on and re-entered the PIN. She looked at the selected items: a word document, two books, and another word document.

"Two books?" Thea said, her voice taking on some whininess.

He chuckled and unwound the strand of hair from around his finger, patting her cheek softly. "Reading is not so bad, little sister."

She slid the first book into place, Domination & Submission: The b**m Relationship Handbook. "Can't you read them to me, Ollie?"

"I think we'd become far too distracted if I did so."

She smiled weakly, "Had to give it a shot."

"How about this then?" He proposed, "as soon as you finish reading both books, including my notes inside, and the documents, I'll give you your birthday present."

Her eyes lit up. "Present?"

A curt nod, "But only once you've read all that I've assigned you."

His choice of words amused her. "What are you, my teacher? Assigning homework?" She let out a feigned huff of frustration as she flipped the cover over the k****e to turn it off. "Fine, I'll read it all...but you better make it worth my while, Ollie."

He chuckled deeply and Thea barely resisted the urge to squirm in response. "I could be your teacher, if it means I'll get to see you in that little schoolgirl outfit of yours, little sister." Without warning, Miguel grasped her bare arms and pulled her close again. Her hands braced against his chest as he leaned down and captured her lips. His voice was breathless as he pulled back, "You won't regret a second of it, I promise."

That night, as Miguel's hand settled on her lower back and led her out into the evening air, with the k****e clutched to her chest, Thea realized she'd just made a life changing decision. It was scary and yet thrilling. So very thrilling.