Pick Me! Bear Me a Child! Part 2
1860 Words
Bars, taverns, beer houses, pubs – whatever the names of those establishments are, there is always at least a beautiful girl working there, usually as waitresses or the fabled 'guest relations officers'.”
That's what they always said.
And those girls are always identified by the cute, and sometimes skimpy, clothing they wear to lure in customers.
After receiving those useful tips, I've decided to try my luck at Emulsions.
And lo and behold! The first time I ordered some ale, a beautiful girl came to my table.
“Wow, you must be a newcomer here.”
Those were her first words.
In return, I said...
“Yeah. I just moved here from the capital because I want to enjoy my life as an ex-adventurer... preferably with a girl I'll share my life with.”
“How nice of you to declare your intention. We girls, meanwhile, have to work all evening and into the wee hours of the night, seven days a week. Of course, we want to defuse the tension we have by, yeah, hooking up with hunks like you.”
“Before I forget, I wanna know your name.”
“That early? Oh well. I'm Clarissa Riefenstahl.”
“And I'm Heherson Mimigs.”
“That's a great name.”
Clarissa has fair skin, probably a slightly darker tone than usual; and has thick brows, long lashes, and thick lips to boot.
But what stands out about her is her unusually large chest, which contrasts sharply with her height of only four feet eleven inches.
Yes, I'm not exaggerating. She's truly “blessed” with “melons” around the size of actual watermelons.
She even told me as we continued talking that she even had to buy an expensive bespoke bra at the capital because the ones being sold at stores don't fit her.
***
Once our client tells us how huge his “wife”'s jugs are, I can sense Laika and Yulissa looking down at their own chests, as if they are humbled by someone who can hold the world record for the largest pair of “weapons of mass destruction” ever.
I non-verbally tell them to lay off that jealousy and focus on the mission at hand.
Now back to his story.
***
That day, I was totally disarmed by her looks.
Ever since then, she and I started to go out more and more, during her off time.
We visited the picturesque corners of this town, seeing all those exquisite vases and more on display at the homes of master potters.
We visited Allobang Forest and saw with our own two eyes the majestic beauty of tall hundred-year-old trees that withstood everything nature could throw at them.
We visited Alphawwal-Omegakhir Cliff and saw the breathtaking views of the town I now call home, as well as the rest of Matutum Prefecture.
And one time, during her shift, she confessed to me that she was eligible to be “taken out” by moneyed patrons, as per her manager's then-new policy. All while we kept our relationship a secret from him.
She was initially hesitant about that policy, but relented minutes later, as she said she needed money to fund her younger sister's education.
I told her, “That's fine with me. As long as... you know... don't get touched in all the wrong places.”
But once she saw another bar girl who was “taken out” by a fat, old, and ugly man...
...she had to eat her words and say no again.
That was the point where she had to quit her “receptionist” job cold turkey in order to avoid the fate that befell that poor bar girl.
“I want to have a future with only you.”
Those were her words to me, right after she told her manager she would resign immediately.
In return, the manager gave her a severance pay before she and I left Emulsions Bar for good.
The next morning, she decided to stay at my house, playing the part of the quintessential housewife, even though we didn't tie the knot yet.
Her “housewife” personality was the same one she projected when she worked at the bar.
She almost never left the house; and if she did so, she would go out just to meet her old friends.
One day, I decided to pop the question.
“Can we build a family now? Like... marry and have kids?”
Like clockwork, she said the single word I wanted to hear...
“Yes.”
And thus, we tied the knot for real, at the local Temple of the Most High.
Ever since that day, we made love almost every night, just for the express purpose of having our first ever child.
That's not to say we both didn't enjoy it.
But as the days passed by...
Idealism gave way to reality.
No matter how hard we tried, I couldn't get her pregnant.
Was there something wrong with my body?
I'm a bachelor with a healthy body, and I don't have any underlying conditions, for crying out loud!
And as a result, the lovemaking we had went from really hot to really cold, like we just couldn't feel anything.
Last week proved to be the last straw.
As Clarissa went home from a visit to an old friend of hers that morning...
I could smell something suspicious.
But I paid it no mind at first.
“Hey darling, please wash my clothes. I'm about to take a bath, you know.”
“Sure.”
It was laundry day, anyway; and as a stay-at-home former bachelor, I have the obligation to do laundry myself.
While she was bathing, I checked out her clothes that were bound for the laundry bin for that suspicious smell.
And look what I've discovered!
Her clothes reeked of... what scientists call “genetic material”!
My suspicions were right!
She was going out with other men, and I even suspected she has another husband, making me her “number 2” that is definitely not poo!
Once she got off the bath, I angrily confronted her.
“How could you do this to me?! Our love was all just smoke and mirrors! You... you are like those carnivorous plants, luring unsuspecting guys like me into your trap! That's it! I'm dumping you!”
And thus, she stormed off my house, never to return.
Her storming off wasn't just filled with anger.
It was also filled with tears.
And now, I want to inform other men never to have a relationship or even a fling with her again.
But at the same time, I feel sorry for her.
***
As Heherson finishes his story, I can only say the following.
“There has to be a reason for her actions. The dossier we received from our superintendent states she may have a traumatic past.”
“Yes, I believe that, too.”
Laika concludes, “So now... why don't we start asking everyone here in this town?”
“Great point. We might even get a lead on where she currently is.”
We three then accompany him outside, asking the townspeople for clues, little fragments about Clarissa's past, or both.
And at the same time, we can see posters with her face in them plastered everywhere.
MISSING: Clarissa Riefenstahl
Last seen 10th of Lifemonth, 1019 CE
Reward: 10,000 guintos
If you have any information, please consult the local constabulary precinct.
“Looks like the posters are enough to tell she's a huge walking red flag, yeah,” Laika comments. “You don't need to tell your fellow bachelors never to trust her.”
“I know,” Heherson replies.
From the intelligence we've gathered so far, we know something's up.
Here are what the other villagers have to say about her.
“Oh, she was the epitome of the 'good girl'. But no thanks to a traumatic event we unfortunately forgot, that good girl went bad. And I mean... baaaaaad.”
“She was so particular on how to conduct herself as a woman, and she even once bragged that she's not like the other girls here. In essence, she's what some call the 'pick me' girl.”
“Oh, that 'pick me' girl? I've had a brush with her once, when I visited Emulsions Bar. She had the aura of the 'good girl', but her nastiness blew wide open when she insisted I should inseminate her. When I said no, she bolted out of the inn and tried her darnedest to find women around her age she could wrestle with. Seething with anger, she shouted 'All the men here should pick me! Those other women aren't like me!' Fortunately, the constabulary placated her. Long story short: That 'good girl' isn't really one.”
“That harlot! No thanks to her temptation, I'm now left as a single father having to raise my daughter on my own. And because I can't leave my daughter alone, I pressured myself to become an adventurer in order to raise her decently. I even brought her whenever I'm questing, so what I'm doing is risky to us both! If not for Clarissa, I wouldn't be a total mess!”
“Everyone should know she's just fooling herself with her sob stories every time a man dumps her. Hahaha. She won't fool anyone anymore. If there's someone who still has a sliver of sympathy towards her, it's just one man posing as multiple people singing the same tunes of sympathy towards that loose girl. Hahahaha... AND THAT LOOSE GIRL SHOULD BE DUNKED DIRECTLY INTO THE TOILET! This is an anonymous shy husband, signing out. And sorry for my vile language. I really couldn't stand her.”
Just as we three and Heherson are planning to go to the local constabulary precinct for more clues...
“Help! Someone's planning to jump from the cliff!”
One villager alerts the people in the entire village, which catches the attention of two roving constabulary officers – the same ones who greeted us earlier.
“Who's that someone planning to take their own life?” an officer asks.
“It's... it's the missing lady! Clarissa Riefenstahl! I was on my way home from a hike when I saw a glimpse of her attempting to jump from that cliff!”
“Alright, then! Cadets, officers, secure the entire cliff to make sure she's safe!”
Since we three are still in our mission, we follow the other officers in saluting.
“Sir, yes, sir!”
As we three and our client make our way out of the town and into the cliff, he divulges the following.
“I knew she would do something like that because of all the negative publicity she endured! Even so, I'm still gonna save her!”
I reply, “Glad we have the same line of thinking! In fact, I have a hunch she will be redeemed! Alright, Laika, Yulissa, let's give this poor woman the happy ending she deserves!”
“Roger!” the two girls agree.
- Writer
