Chapter 10. Apologies!

2355 Words
"We need to get back" He spoke breaking the silence. I don't want to. "You cannot forever avoid this. You know that right?" Randhir questioned as I stayed mum. The dark night was too peaceful and I didn't want to disturb it's glory and silence. As if. Actually I wanted to avoid talking to him. Talking about that matter. It's not like I don't know that staying out will not make it go away. But it's just. I don't want to face them. "I am not stupid. Of course I know that" "Maybe you just need to let it out. Scream, yell, shout. Just let it out." Randhir gave me a look and walked back to throw the empty takeaway cup in the bin nearby. I thought about it for a moment. His suggestion was actually good. I'll just clear everything out. Not that I was going to avoid. Okay I planned to go back. And no I am not admitting that to him. "You are right. Yeah. I'll do that. Let's go." I nodded my head and walking towards him I stopped at the bin. I threw my empty cup and started to walk away. I could hear his footsteps following me. Why did he really come? Did he still care about me? No! He was just... No I cannot think about it. Let that be. "Did Stacey come back?" I asked filling the silence. He shook his head which I saw from my corner of eyes but as if realising that I didn't see that he mumbled a silent 'no' "Good." "What's your deal with her? Do you not like her?" I snorted. "It's mutual. We don't like each other but we tolerate each other." He looked confused. I don't know why I was telling him this. It shouldn't matter, right? Besides it's not like it is a big secret. I don't like her and that's it. I don't hate her or have vendetta against her. You sometimes don't like something. For example I don't like chocolate ice cream. Judge me all you want but I'd rather eat chocolate than chocolate ice cream. "She's my step mother Randhir. I'm not trying to be stereotypical here but we just don't like each other. I think she doesn't like the fact that I and dad were close when I was younger. I always remember they used to fight whenever I was at their place for weekends or Christmas. It was annoying really." It was one of the reason why I didn't want to keep in touch with dad. I didn't want to experience that whenever I went there. It was tiring. It's not like I remember every fight or detail but some things got stuck with me. Like how the time when dad got me and Rihanna vintage dolls and Stacey purposely gave me the less attractive, cracked from inside. Or how when I was playing in their room and she pushed me out of the room for making noise whereas Rihanna was doing the same. They just stuck with me and how hard I try they are not gonna go away. "Is that why you have been avoiding your dad's family for two years?" Randhir asked curious. My neck snapped at him with a insane speed that I was glad that I didn't get a whiplash. "Who told you that?!" "Rihanna." That made me boil a little. She had no business telling him that. But she does. He's here fiancee now. She can tell him everything. Ugh this reminder is so ugly. Everytime I am reminded it wants me to do things. Like go sob in the corner. Or slap him. "I don't wanna talk about it" I sighed. He nodded without saying anything. It surprised me. We walked the entire way in a complete silence until we reached the gate of my father's mansion. "Jacket?" He asked and I looked at him confused. He pointed at his jacket and I quickly slid it off myself. He wore the jacket back and I felt something inside me. I thought he was not going to wear it. Now I know why boys like when their girls wear their stuff. It feels really good. Like something is going soft. You feel all soft and mushy. There was no one at the gates and they were open. He pushed on the gates and we entered inside. After walking for few minutes I suddenly felt the need to throw up. My hands were clammy and wet while my breath became shallow. I was experiencing cold feet. Randhir gave me a assuring smile and rang the doorbell. Due to the slight wind the door made a creaking sound which indicated that it was unlock. As we pushed the door and entered inside the commotion caused the half dozen eyeballs to turn towards us. "Oh my God you are fine. I was so worried for you. Thank you so much Randhir." I heard my dad's gratitude directed towards Randhir. He stayed mum just nodded his head. "I'm so sorry San. Please let me explain. Please?" Sam pleaded. I sighed. He looked like a kicked puppy. "Samuel let me talk to her. It's my fault. Sanyukta let me explain." I nodded and made my way towards the sofa and settled in at the corner seat facing them. Rihanna who was standing near Sam approached me and sat beside me. She gave me a side hug and whispered, 'I'm so glad you are safe.' Dad who was standing moved towards the sofa and sat in front of me. "Sanyukta where should I start? I just wanted to be a good father I guess. After you completed your college I knew you would not accept any job in our company or take any job by my reference. It's not like I didn't believe your skill but I wanted you to be in good hands. So I turned to Frank, Sam's uncle for help. But he passed away in a week handing his everything to Samuel. I knew Samuel as he used to stay next door. I told him about you and he instantly agreed. Trust me I didn't have any other intention than that and today I called him over so that I could come clean. I don't ever want to hurt you cara. You are my bambino. I just wanted you safe so I did it. That's it." He let out a sigh and looked at me with guilt. He wanted me to be safe? But it is so twisted. He knew that I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to make it on my own but no. He had to worry. Why? I don't know whether to be angry at him or not? It's so much to process. "Sorry San. I wanted to tell you but I promised Stephan. And I am not lying when I say this you are really fit for the job. I was genuinely impressed by your CV. If not Stephan had recommended you I would have offered you the job. God honest truth." He scratched the back of his neck and flashed me a smile. I looked at him as he was still standing near the door way exact opposite to Randhir. I want to glare at my dad. I really want and yell, do you hear that? Sam was going to offer me the job. "I forgive you sam. But no more secrets from now. Or I am going to kill you." I warned him to which he nodded like a obedient child and sheepishly grinned and pinched his throat muttering 'I promise'. I could feel a movement beside me. Rihanna was squirming a bit. "And dad..." I let out a sigh and continue "I don't know what to say. Do you not trust my abilities? I would have gotten the job without your recommendation and it would have saved us this mess." "I know and I am sorry Sanyukta. It was all my fault. I accept that. I'm sorry that I left you all alone with your mother. I love you but you were so hurt and disappointed at me that it changed everything. I always saw that flicker of hurt whenever you used to come visit me on weekends. I wanted to take that pain away by offering you everything you wanted but I realized that you never wanted anything from me. You never asked for anything. I want to have our bond back. I tried hard but from past five years it looks like you have built walls." Randhir's eyes bore into me. I looked at him and I could see the guilt in his eyes as he knew the reason. I huffed. He was confessing and it really made me feel guilty. He looked so vulnerable. Taking a deep breath he continued "I wanted to get back my daughter who used to love her dad so much that she would be awake till midnight so that they both could have dessert together..." His voice strained and I could see the tears fill his eyes. I felt a wave of affection for him. His words saddened me. Unknowingly a tear escaped my eye and I quickly wiped out before. He continued to talk with his strained voice. Rihanna shifted forwards and patted his right thigh. He shook his head at her. "You distanced yourself so much from these five years. You did not speak to me more than two words in these two years. It's just I thought maybe by doing this I'm doing a duty of a father. I don't know maybe I hoped you will at least talk to me. You know I can't even see you get hurt." He said after wiping his tears. This man who had hurt my mother and me loves me so much that I failed to recognize it. He had always wanted to keep me safe and secure so he did this. His dark brown locks are soon going to turn white if he gets so tensed about me. I am feeling so guilty for avoiding him for two long years also abandoning all the Christmas and thanks giving along with New year Eve. I missed him so much that I tried to hide that empty space. He may be difficult to understand and that led me to get disappointed with him but I never hated him or despised him it was only the hurt laced in me. He might have his reasons to leave my mom and me alone but that don't explain the reason of bring so cruel to him. I now get it why always mother used to tell me that people who loves will protect us, care for us no matter how much we hurt them or try to despise them. Same goes for dad I never once talked to him lovingly. He craved so much for his daughter's love and affection and here I was being selfish and drowning myself in pain. I was still being that nine year old girl who was hurt because her dad had left her all alone with her only mother. That girl despised him or tried to because her friends always used to tease her and that made her cry. It made her more cry to see her mother sobbing at night holding her father photo. She was the same nine year girl who did not knew anything about the divorce or separation. The girl who only hoped for her father to come back to her and her mother. Realization dawned upon me thinking about the man sitting in front of me. He abandoned me, when in fact he didn't and I was cruel and bitter with him. I gave him the silent treatment, behaved arrogantly and ignored him. He waited for my forgiveness in these fifteen years and yet I failed to give him. Tears rolled down my eyes as I couldn't hold the emotion any longer. "I...I'm so...sorry... dad." I sobbed covering my mouth with my palm. Rihanna rubbed my arm hugged me. "Shh... Hey honey. It's fine now. We are good." He whispered sat on his knees holding my hand and pulling it into his. I nodded at him wholeheartedly. He loves his daughter to let it go and never judge her or let her blame herself. I hugged him making him laugh and while rihanna smiled at us. Randhir and Sam were talking something which was barely audible. "Can we eat now?"Sam asked rubbing his stomach comically. We all laughed and agreed. Dinner was filled with laughter. And for the first time I really loved having dinner with Dad. "It was nice seeing you Samuel. Give your family my regards. I'm done for the night. Good night." Dad announced and retired back to his room. "Sure. Thanks for the dinner Stephan. Good night." Randhir was still sitting on the sofa with his mobile phone. Engrossed in something. Rihanna who looked a bit out of it for some reason sighed. She was surely hiding something. "Umm... Okay Sam good night. I'm a bit knackered. It was nice seeing you." His face lighted up and he nodded dumbly. "Yeah good night. Sweet dreams." She smiled at me and strode towards the staircase. "That was fun. We should do it some other time." Sam said as he made way towards the door. "Yeah sure when you want to reveal some other secret." I giggled as he stood at the door inviting the cool breeze of the city to come inside. "You know I'm sorry, right?" He asked me while running a hand through his hair. "Will you stop apologising? I told you, you are forgiven" I said annoyed. It's been like eternity since he was apologising and it was getting to me. "Okay then. Have a good night." He hugged me. "Good night" I greeted him back and placed a kiss on his cheek. I closed the door with a smile on my face and turned around only to find Randhir standing there with a frown on this face. Uh oh. ***
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