Bad Falls 101

5. Bonds

The kiss came to an end almost as abruptly as it happened. Hell, it was more of a peck really, and yet I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.

But I am kind of confused as to why he would kiss me out of the blue in the first place.

My confusion must have shown on my face for he soon enough tells me, “Don’t get any weird ideas, little girl. I had to make you shut up.”

What? My eyes widen at that.

I hadn’t even been talking when he decided to kiss me.

Is he high? I think to myself.

“Okay,” I drawl in acceptance.

“I just wanted to make that clear,” he tells me.

“Okay,” I say again on a silent sigh.

“Are we clear?” He asks, an eyebrow jutted.

“Crystal,” I tell him with a tight smile when all I want to do is cry… I don’t even know why. Pathetic, I know.

And then, we leave the changing rooms because PE is about to start.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

I cannot express how confused and distracted I still am by the kiss - or peck, whatever you want to call it - even now, as I am walking home. My home isn’t very far, it is at a walking distance of about 4 songs.

My parents are naturally not home yet, so I let myself in when I do reach our flat.

I take off my earphones and let out a small, “I’m home,” even though I know for a fact that there is nobody to welcome me.

It is only the first day of senior year, and yet so much has happened already… the very thought of it all makes my head spin. From standing up for myself for the first time in high school to getting my first kiss stolen, it almost feels surreal.

Speaking of that kiss, I cannot stop thinking about it. I am talking in circles… but seriously, why would he kiss me? He is meant to be my tormentor, is he not? The more I think about it, the more it drives me crazy.

I therefore decide to put my brains to good use, instead of worrying of what a meaningless kiss might mean, and I open my laptop.

My parents work tiring jobs to make ends meet, but they did offer to pay for the online web development micromasters program I had my mind set on studying about a year or so ago. They had said it was my late birthday gift. It was rather expensive, and I offered to pay for a part of it with what I had managed to save from working a part time job, but they refused.

Sweet sixteen and all.

Naturally, the program requires of me to invest a certain amount of time weekly in it, but it isn’t so time-consuming that I would fail my high school classes. Definitely not easy, but manageable.

Time passes, and soon enough, I hear the door open.

Mom comes in first, with dad following close behind her.

“Hey, cupcake,” mom greets me softly before she kisses the top of my head, whereas dad smiles at me before saying, “good afternoon, sweetheart.”

I greet them back, with a smile of my own.

We are not rich. We don’t have a lot of belongings. We struggle financially sometimes - impulsive purchases and all… but we are a family. We are in this together. For better or for worse. Because we have more than just blood tying us together. We have love bonds that are strong, so strong, we just belong together… if that makes any sense.

“How was your first day as a senior?” my mom asks.

“It was good, I guess,” I tell her as I shrug with a nonchalance I don’t really feel at the moment.

I am lying to my mom. And I never do. I am not even sure why I am lying to her today.

“Uneventful?” Dad probes.

“Pretty much,” I nod with a tight smile plastered on my face.

“Okay,” my mom massages my shoulder briefly before asking what we want for dinner. She is tired. It shows in the way she is holding herself, in the way her eyelids are almost dropping… I therefore suggest mac and cheese.

I love my parents so much, it is almost unhealthy. I don’t know what I would do if I were to lose one of them… I am that attached. And yet, my dream is to get out of this shitty town where there is very little room for improvement, and go to New York.

Yes, I don’t dream of going to Yale or any other prestigious college… although I could in all fairness. The fact is I want to experience what it feels like to live in the big city.

A little bit naive of me, you say? I don’t know. But that’s what I want to accomplish at this point in time.

My parents and I have dinner at half past 7, and I am soon enough retiring to my room with my laptop to keep working on my micromasters program.

I am eager to learn all and everything that deals with web development. It is such an interesting field, I often lose track of time.

It is nearly midnight when my dad knocks on the door of my room before entering.

“Shouldn’t you put both your brain and your eyes to rest, sweetheart?” He teases in a whisper and I assume that mom has fallen asleep already.

“I will in a few minutes, dad,” I tell him, looking up from the screen briefly.

“Okay,” he agrees readily. “Do not let me catch you still on that laptop of yours at 3 am or something,” he mock-threatens.

I smile at him and nod, “aye, sir.”

It would seem that the small distraction is all my brain needs to refocus on the events of the day - namely the kiss I shared with the school’s bad boy.

What is happening to me? Why can’t I get it out of my head?

I decide to call it a night and turn off the light.

My dreams are haunted by thundering cobalt blue eyes and a leather jacket.