Desiring an Angel: Missing Link 3

3. Rhett

3

RHETT

Fucking finally.

We had invested so much of our time in creating the Missing Link app to find a mother for the children Ash wanted when an easier answer, the most direct course of action to achieve his dreams, only cost money.

Something we had plenty of.

Years earlier, I had suggested finding a surrogate mother for the offspring he dreamed about fathering to carry on the Blackwood name, but he wanted more. Someone, he claimed, to add to our lives, someone full of sunshine to balance his melancholy and my stoic nature.

I had no wish for kids, but I also didn’t need a woman coming between us unless she climaxed. That, I could handle. Even enjoyed immensely. Sharing Ash emotionally when he was the only one I sometimes allowed to see the real me?

Not so much.

But Ash owned my heart, and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to help fulfill his dreams, especially about carrying out his father’s desire—hell, command—for grandsons.

Even if his bastard father didn’t deserve it. Jerry Blackwood didn’t outright portray homophobic tendencies, but I’d caught the disappointment in his eyes when Ash and I had sat down together with his parents back in high school to tell them we were dating.

In Jerry’s eyes, I wasn’t good enough for his Ash. I couldn’t personally give him what he hoped to get from his only surviving son.

But I’d tried in the one way I could with Missing Link.

“I’m sorry our idea didn’t work for you,” I murmured against his hair while hugging him close and sliding one of my legs between his.

His exhale heated my chest where he snuggled like always, and not for the first time, I wished he could burrow beneath my skin and take up permanent residence. “No you’re not.”

I wasn’t going to argue, engage in the way he wanted just to take his mind off the week ahead and the sure grief to unearth like it always did on the anniversary of Archer’s death.

“Tomorrow we can go over the surrogacy paperwork,” I said instead, focusing on the plan, the course of action to get the ball rolling. “We’ll take the next steps in making this happen. Together.”

Ash pushed up onto an elbow, meeting my gaze. “And if we can’t find the right fit, someone who will agree to remain in our child’s life after they’re born?”

He dreamed of a mother like his own, constantly available with warm hugs, open ears, and loving smooches on boo-boos. He also wanted someone like his brother had been—happy and full of life until his had gotten snuffed out.

I preferred quiet and reserved, a lady. One who wouldn’t bring drama to our future and co-parent from a distance, just like our dating app profile showed we searched for.

“We’ll find her,” I promised.

“That’s what you said about our app.”

I bit my tongue, but Ash read my stiffened body like an open book.

“Sorry. That was uncalled for,” he whispered to soothe away the sting his words had caused. “I shouldn’t take my disappointment out on you. Maybe it’s just not meant to be.” He laid back down, his cheek on my chest where it always was when we cuddled in bed while awake.

I kissed the top of his head, letting him know I forgave him, and he settled in without another word.

My mind continued to move as though hyped on caffeine, keeping me awake long after he slept.

Meant to be, he’d murmured.

Ash had used those words the first time we’d kissed, that day my dreams of playing football on the iron grid lay in shatters. Literally. I’d been taken down by three guys, my lower leg snapping in more than one place.

Ash had snuck into my bedroom, in the middle of the night, wrapping me in his arms while I sprawled out stiff and unmoving, refusing to break down in weakness.

His warmth had breathed life back inside my chest, and I’d eventually leaned into him, drew strength from him for the first time in our friendship.

His close presence had always tingled awareness through my body, but it wasn’t until he had pressed his lips to my cheek that I recognized what he stirred inside me.

Desire. Longing for more than mere friendship.

“Rhett,” he had whispered, his voice thick as though experiencing the same thing making every inch of my body begin to burn with need.

I’d pulled back to see him in the light of my bedside lamp, desperate to observe, to know.

Hazel eyes welling, he had studied my face, stalling out on my mouth.

Raw, hot arousal had shot through me like a well-aimed spiraling football, ripping the air from my lungs.

We’d moved as though of the same mind, magnets as always.

Our first kiss, the crush of lips, the sharing of air—one of the most profound and real moments in my entire life.

“Zing,” he had murmured against my mouth, making me snicker. “We were meant to be, Rhett Stirling. Forever.”

I hadn’t argued since he’d beautifully vocalized the feelings coursing inside me, something I still struggled to do.

My insides a churning mess, I stared at the ceiling of our bedroom while Ash clung to me and breathed heavily in peaceful slumber.

Failure equaled weakness in my mind, but I looked forward to taking the next step where Ash would remain mine—and only mine as he’d always been.

My chest tightened over the excitement and yet I frowned, wondering how Ash would suffer if the surrogate mother didn’t fulfill his hopes to stay in our child’s life after birth.

A fuckton of emotion rolled through me, none of which I could handle or make disappear.

No way in hell would I allow my Ash to feel pain or disappointment if I could help it. He wanted a woman involved as a mother in the day-to-day living of his children, which wouldn’t happen with surrogacy.

Said woman would need to live with us. There was no other option. Knowing Ash, he would adore her for fulfilling his dreams, and as affectionate as he was, I had no doubt their relationship wouldn’t remain platonic. Eventually, a bond would solidify, and she would end up in our bed because I wouldn’t be able to say no if gifted the opportunity to sink into a warm, wet p***y.

Unconditional love demanded a change, another chance, different from what I had done in taking the reins to keep on my course like a selfish asshole.

Fuck.

I exhaled firmly to settle a veering direction in my head and pulled away from Ash’s heavy leg draped over mine. Sliding from bed, I created a new plan, one that would give Ash exactly what he dreamed of.

As children, I’d wanted to be his other half, promised to always be there for him to lean on—but he had ended up being the same for me. I longed to lay the world at his feet even if it meant the foundation of mine shifted.

I had the strength to endure—even if I wouldn’t enjoy doing so.

Enough light shone from the sliver of moon outside the window to ease my way across the bedroom and down the stairs into the open concept area of our house’s first floor.

We’d left New England behind after graduation, both of us needing a new start.

Him away from pain and constant memories of his grief, and me from my disconnected parents who had since retired to Florida. As an only child, I should have been their entire world, their focus, but that hadn’t been the case. An emotionally repressed household hadn’t offered much in the way of love, so having Ash’s was a gift I wasn’t about to disregard or let down out of goddamn selfishness.

I grabbed a bottle of cold water from our fridge and sat on the couch, my iPad in hand.

My chest swelled at the sight of the rainbow-colored, intertwined hearts of Missing Link’s logo. It was Ash’s design for the app we’d built together, the start of what had brought about our software development company that allowed us to purchase a home overlooking the Pacific Ocean.

He was the code wiz, and I’d never met a puzzle I couldn’t figure out from beginning to end once I’d set a plan in place to do so. Add in both our work ethics, his easy ability to connect and communicate with others, and we made a hell of a team.

A lucrative partnership that offered a comfortable life, one I’d been perfectly content to live in relative quiet, without drama, until we breathed our last.

My chest ached from the slew of feelings inside me, but I put it from my mind by closing a mental door with ease. f**k knew I’d had plenty of practice doing so as a kid.

I went into our shared profile that didn’t mention we were the app’s creators. Sifting through the information and personality testing we’d done for finding our perfect match revealed my wants rather than Ash’s.

The MM looking for F part, I left alone.

Exhaling slow and steady as though releasing tension and selfishness from my core, I set about changing the answers we had originally input from my desires when he would have chosen differently.

College education, I clicked, wasn’t a requirement as I’d answered previously. No longer were we seeking an accomplished woman who had her s**t together career-wise.

“Easygoing,” I mumbled. “Laid-back. A ray of sunshine to brighten the day.” I typed all the words he often spoke of while fighting off a cringe.

Ash needed someone with those traits in his life since I definitely couldn’t give them to him.

The feeling of not being enough leaked through my conscience, but I slammed the door on that sense of frailty that left me floundering.

He would benefit from a woman who lived for the thrill of adventure, one who wouldn’t balk at facing down daily living with a smile on her face while being a stay-at-home mom like his.

Always laughing, always seeing the bright side of things.

Such bubbly personalities clashed with my more stoic reservations, but I reminded myself there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t sacrifice for him.

Even if it made me feel…less than.

I hoped whoever ended up zinging with Ash would also be compatible enough with me that we might eventually find some sort of connection to create an enjoyable triad.

Fingers crossed, I clicked save to update our profile, hoping I wouldn’t regret my decision to give his hopes yet another shot at fulfillment.

“What were you doing?” Ash murmured when I climbed back into bed a few moments later.

The scent of lavender from the dryer sheets he laundered with wafted past my nose, taking me back to the last time my mother had hugged me after I’d buried my one and only puppy. I remembered the comfort of her arms, the way she had soothed my back—and the flowery scent of her skin.

My one good emotional memory from childhood, and Ash made sure to remind me of it every night we slid between our sheets.

A lightness spread through my chest in the knowledge I’d done the right thing to bring fulfillment to his life.

“I changed our profile,” I told him, finally relaxed and ready to sleep.

“Did you delete it?” He snuggled against me again, chest to chest, his skin warm from sleep.

“No,” I replied, rubbing my hand down the bumps of his spine. “I changed our questionnaire answers to what they should have been from the beginning.”

He lifted up onto an elbow, his face in shadows. “Rhett…”

“It’s okay, baby.” I cradled his face in my hands, my thumb caressing over his lower lip. “I know you want a mother for your children, not a faceless or dispassionate egg donor.”

“But—”

“There’s no buts, Ash.” I pulled him down so our foreheads rested together. In my rare moments of vulnerability, I adored him so f*****g much it made my chest ache—and I appreciated how he never invalidated whatever emotions I allowed to leak through in our quiet times together.

“f**k, do I love you.” He pressed a kiss to my mouth, and I groaned at the first swipe of his tongue along mine. Nothing compared to a happy Ash invested in physically showing his love.

Fucking nothing.

Heart rate kicking up, I rolled to my back beneath him, spreading my legs to make room for his hips. The heat, the intense need that had flared to unquenchable life between us in high school rose to full force, easing my mind and stilling my concerns.

Electrical currents ran over my skin, settling into my balls same as it always did whenever our mouths met.

“Rhett…” Ash groaned and kissed down my neck toward my chest. Knowing where he headed pulsed need through my aching length. “Let me take care of you—make you feel good,” he whispered over my constricting lower abs and flicked his tongue over my skin. “Want to taste your delicious dick.”

My c**k bucked against his chin, anxious for the wet heat of his mouth. “f**k yes.”

A cell rang from my bedside table, halting Ash’s hungry mouth hovering over my c**k.

One a.m., our alarm clock read.

Brow furrowed, I reached for my phone and glanced at the screen. “It’s my father.”

And at such an hour with them being on the East Coast and our never catching up just for the hell of it, the reason for his call couldn’t be good.

All thoughts of s*x slipped from my mind as Ash rolled off me. I swiped to answer, my stomach clenched tight, my d**k deflated.

“Dad?”

“Your mom had a stroke.” His voice didn’t waver. He showed zero emotion as always.

Considering the lack of attachment I felt for either of my parents, the sense of…wrong that pushed me upright in bed baffled me.

“They’re taking her to the hospital,” Dad stated in a nonchalant way, his usual since the man couldn’t be moved.

“What happened?” I asked as Ash shuffled close and wound his arm across my lower back in his usual touchy-feely way of showing support.

He must have been able to make out Dad’s words.

Mom had gotten up to use the bathroom and collapsed. Dad hadn’t been able to rouse her and had called 911.

I found myself on my feet, striding across the bedroom, a plan settling into place in my head. Steps to focus on and follow.

“I’ll catch the first available flight,” I told him, and Ash flicked on the lamp beside him.

I blinked in the harsh glare, the brightness bringing clarity that things might go poorly for Mom. We’d never been close, so the unrest, the bothersome feelings wanting to wash over me furrowed my brow. I pushed them down exactly as my parents had taught me.

“There’s no need—”

“I’m coming,” I stated a bit harshly as reserved coolness slid into place, locking my emotions up tight from years of conditioning.

Dad told me which hospital they were taking Mom to, and I hung up seconds later, my mind as set as my jaw.

“What happened?” Ash asked as I placed my cell atop my bureau and pulled open the top drawer.

“Mom had a stroke. They’re taking her to the hospital by ambulance.” I tossed a few pairs of socks and briefs onto the bed.

“Oh no.” Ash climbed from between our sheets and headed for me.

I knew he planned to drag me into his arms, but I moved toward the walk-in closet we shared to retrieve a carry-on bag, fully intending to refuse any comfort he thought I might need.

“Rhett.” He stood in the closet’s door when I turned around.

“I’m fine.” I snipped the words.

He eyed me but didn’t budge from my path. “Do you want me to go with you?”

My protective instincts over him roared to life. Hospitals triggered Ash, and there was no way in hell I would allow him to set foot into one for someone who hadn’t loved me like he did.

I moved closer and cupped his cheek, his scruff scratching my palm. “No.”

His hands clasped at my waist, drawing me close, and giving in, I dropped the bag. Forcing my body to relax against him, I exhaled, closing my eyes for a few seconds, soaking in the warmth of his familiar embrace of the only love I trusted.

“If you need me…”

“I always will,” I promised and pressed my lips to his, allowing myself a brief moment to share my sensitivities with the one person who deserved it.