Heartache to Happiness

1 - Packing Up

As I stand at the front door of my house, key in hand, I stand and stare at the door. Not moving. I haven’t been in the house for over a month. There is no reason to go in this house anymore. My parents are not here anymore. “Come on Em, you can do this” Sarah my best friend tells me as she takes the keys from my hand and unlocks the door. I take a deep breath and push the door open, the familiar smell reaches my nose as soon as I step inside. “leave the door open, I’ll need more boxes from the garage” I tell her as I walk further into the house. “You sure you want to do this now, Do you not want to wait for your Uncle to come over and help?” Sarah asks as we head upstairs. “I need to start doing something, even if its just my stuff from my room” I tell her as I hover at the entrance to my parents room. I sigh and walk past it to my room, I push my door open and everything is exactly where I left it over a month ago. After I got that phone call. The phone call that change my life. The call that told me I am all alone in this world now. My parents taken away from me after a tragic accident.

I’ll be 17 next month and I’m in my house packing up my belongings to move to the other side of the world to the only family I have left. My Uncle Steven and Aunt Caroline. It was my choice to move away, I only have Sarah here now. I was never one of those girls who had many friends. Sat in the corner reading books, watching everyone enjoy the lives. I was never sad or depressed that I was a bit of a loner. I enjoyed my own company. “Emily, you sure you want to do this now?” Sarahs voice breaks me from my thoughts. “Yeah, I need to do this. I’m moving next week. Uncle Steven says he will deal with the house I just need to pack what I want to take with me.” I tell her as I go to my closet and pull out a couple of my large suitcase. “I’ll go grab some boxes then” she yells as she heads down to the garage.

I connect my phone to the wireless speaker and select a random playlist, I start to remove my clothes from the hangers and fold them into my suitcase. Sarah comes back in with the boxes and starts to empty my bookcase and desk, placing my books and photo albums and ornaments neatly. Wrapping the fragile items in bubble wrap. “When do you Aunt and Uncle arrive?” Sarah asks as we head to the kitchen for a quick break. “Tomorrow” I say as I pull out a couple cans of cola from the fridge. “They are staying here to make it easier to get packed up. Uncle Steven says the estate agent will be here the day after tomorrow to put the house on the market” I tell her as we sit at the breakfast bar drinking our juice.

We soon head back upstairs to pack some more. A few hours later, we are pretty much finished packing up most of my stuff, then the doorbell goes, we both head downstairs to see who it is. I open the door to see my Aunt and Uncle standing with the cases. “Sweetie” My Aunt Caroline pulls me into a tight embrace. “We got an earlier flight” My Uncle Steven tells me as he pulls me from his wives embrace and lifts me up like I’m still a kid. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he sways us back and forth. “Emily, you have grown so much. And still weigh the same from the last time we saw you” he laughs as he places me back on the ground.

We get settled in the house, Sarah heading back across the street to her house, to let her parents know my Uncle has arrived. We talk about my parents accident a little and what the next steps are going to be for me moving to America to live with them and their son, my cousin Nick. They have already sorted out my guardianship and necessary paperwork for me to permanently move there and start school.

Since I have stayed with Sarah and her parents since the day my parents died, my Uncle has been in constant contact with them, making sure financially they were able to help me. While Uncle Steven is across the street speaking with them Sarah comes back over with my case of clothing and belongings, I had at hers for the time I stayed. We order Chinese take away for dinner and Sarahs parents were joining us. We are all around the large dining table eating and talking about the new school I will be attending and the sale of the house. I try not to get too upset with moving but I feel it’s the best decision. I love Sarah and her family but I need to be with my family. Even if I haven’t really seen them all that much over the years. My mum was born in America and met my father when he was working over there, they fell in love and my mum moved to Scotland to be with my dad. My dad didn’t have any other family here apart from his parents and they died a few years ago. We traveled to America on family holidays a few times but as we all grew up we stopped, but always kept in contact via social media and emails etc.

After having dinner, we cleared up the dining table and Sarah and her parents left. My Aunt and Uncle feeling the effects of jet lag, so they headed to bed. Sleeping in the spare room, as they did not feel comfortable going in my parents room. I wasn’t quite ready for bed, so headed out for a walk since the weather was nice. Saying a good night to my Aunt and Uncle, getting a small lecture of not staying out to late and do not talk to strangers, I think they have forgotten I’m almost 17 years old not 7. Anyway, I head out and head to the small play park at the end of the street, I put my headphones in my ears and play my favourite playlist. As Jake Bugg, Broken comes on, I find myself at the park. I head over the bench at the edge of the play area, I sit down and bring my knees to my chest. I watch the kids running around playing. Taking it all in. The memories of coming to this park with parents when I was younger, soon bringing tears to my eyes. I miss them, I really do. But I have to look forward, they would not want me sitting here sad and crying. After a half hour, I get up and head to the small store across the street from the park. I go in and pick up some junk food, I head to the counter and pay and head back home. Walking up the driveway, it hits, I have less than a week and I will be living somewhere else, with new people. A new country. A new life.

I’m moving in a few days, I’ve still got to go to school to fill out forms and hand in exercise books that I have. It all feels a little weird, but Uncle Steven is here to make sure it all goes smoothly. He has already got me enrolled in the same school as Nick my cousin and has got all the information my current school needs so they can forward on my file with all my grades and stuff in. As we leave the head teachers office, I head to the canteen to meet with friends so say good bye while Uncle Steven heads to the supermarket to get a few more boxes and bubble wrap, still got a fair bit to pack up.

While I’m sitting waiting on Sarah and a few others, I see at the corner of my eye my ex-boyfriend Ben. We had been going out about 6 months before my parents died. We have not spoken since the day I got the phone call.

Flashback

Me and Ben are lying on my bed watching a movie, my parents went out for dinner with friends. The movie finished a while ago but we were so wrapped up in kissing one another we didn’t notice. Things get pretty heated as we are stripping clothes of each other, feeling each other all over. I know I love Ben and I want to prove I’m ready for the next stage in our relationship. He goes to take my underwear off but pauses he looks me in the eye “are you sure?” he asks, I nod in reply and I pull his boxers off as he pulls my thong off. He reaches for his bag and pulls out a condom. Once he has it on, he climbs on top of me “it might hurt but I’ll be gentle OK. I love you" he whispers as he places the tip of his c**k at my entrance. He pushes it in and it burns, he pushes a little more and I gasp with the pain. I move to get a bit more comfortable, but we are interrupted by my phone ringing. I don’t answer it and tell Ben to keep going and he does. I know this is not his first time but he is all over the place. He pulls all the way out and slams straight back in, it hurts like hell and I’m crying with the pain. He whispers in my ear to calm me down and soon enough the pain goes away but then he comes and pulls out. Leaving me unsatisfied and wanting more. He goes to the bathroom to discard the condom and comes back with a wet towel for me to clean up. I wince with the pain as I get up to go to the bathroom. Once I’m back he is half dressed lounging on my bed, I grab some clothes and put them on just as I lie down and cuddle into Ben’s side my phone rings again. I answer it and get the most horrible news that my parents half been killed in a traffic accident. I sob my heart out as I come of the phone. Ben asking me what’s wrong, when I tell him, he just gets up and leaves me on my own. I sit shocked for what feels like hours until I get a knock at the front door I go and answer it and Sarah is standing with her parents behind her. I don’t know how they found out about the accident. I break down in tears and collapse just in time for Sarahs dad to catch me before I fall and he carries me across to their house.

I wake the following day, numb and in complete shock. My parents are dead and I lost my virginity to my boyfriend who left me on my own.

End of flashback.

“Emily?” Ben awkwardly stands at my side.

“Ben" I reply but lifting my head to look at him

“How are you?” he asks while scratching the back of his beck.

“How did you think I’ve been Ben?” I ask lifting my head and given him a deathly glare.

“s**t probably.” Silence, I don’t reply to him.  “So, you really moving to America" he asks as he helps himself to the seat opposite me. I nod as reply, staring at my cola can on the table in front of me.

“Cool.” He says while looking around the canteen.

“Ben, f**k off" I tell him as I sip my juice.

“Emily, I’m sorry. I was a d**k and I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have walked out on you like that.” He says with an apologetic look in his face.

“Yeah you are right. You are a d**k. Not only are you s**t in bed, but you have no idea what pain you left me in. Not just from the lack of pleasure but my heart shattered that night. I needed you to support me, to comfort me, but you just f****d me then f****d off.” I whisper yell as the canteen starts to fill up with students.

“I know. I’m sorry" he says as he lowers his head.

“And then to top it off, the day of my parents funeral. I found out you have a new girlfriend, that you f****d the day after you left my house. The day after my parents died. Does she know about it? Does she know what you did?” I yell this time not caring what people think or say.

“Emily" I hear Sarah shout from the other side of the canteen. I get up and go straight to her she wraps her arms around me and walks with me out of the canteen to the car park to wait for my Uncle.

A few people that I kind of hung around with, come and wish me well and say sorry that I have to move because of my parents death. A few teachers also come and say goodbye. Everyone leaves to go get lunch leaving me with Sarah, she is sad that I’m leaving but I know I will definitely keep I contact with her. I’ve known her all my life  she is one person I will never forget.

My Uncles car pulls up beside us. I say bye to Sarah, she says she’ll come to mine after school.  So, she can help pack up more stuff, she just wants to spend more time with me before I leave. And I’m totally down for that.

We head back to the house, my Uncle trying to talk to me to cheer me up. I just cant face him. They don’t know what Ben did at that time. Only Sarah knows what that prick did to me. It doesn’t take long to reach back to the house. We have so much still to get done. We are leaving most of the furniture in the house but I still need to decide what I’m taking with me to America.

Aunt Caroline has got a system going, we are packing boxes for things I want to take that we my parents, my mums jewellery and some vintage dresses she has including her wedding dress. The rest of her clothes get bagged up and will be sent to a local charity shop. My dad was a collector of golfing stuff, I’m not interested in any off that but take a couple of the golf balls that are autographed in display cases. The rest I’ll give to Sarah’s dad as he is a golfer. He can decide what he wants to do with them. Uncle Steven deals with the home office as it’s a family business he takes what files he needs and packs away the rest to get sent over to his office.

We pack well into the early evening, Sarah comes over to help and has dinner with us. After dinner we get back to packing up the lounge, there are a few display cabinets with photos and ornaments that my mum has collected over the years. I take my favourite ones and pack them to come with me. Sarah helps pack the rest to get sent to the charity shop. Sarah’s dad comes over to help move the boxes for the charity shop into the garage. There is a van coming to collect them in a couple days, we would have dropped them off but there is a lot more than we thought there would be. Another van is coming to collect boxes and the furniture that’s to get shipped to Uncle Steven’s place, it will be here the morning we leave.

After Sarah and her dad leave for the night, I walk around the house taking it all in. My childhood home. It feels empty, we have pretty much packed everything I want to take with me, all that’s left is unimportant and I’m not wanting or needing any of it.

As tomorrow is my last full day here, Sarah is being allowed to stay off school so we can spend the day together. We planned to go to the local adventure centre, it has everything there, swimming pools, ice rink, inflatables for adults and trampoline park. It will be a blast. What I need after the worst month of my life.

After having a quick shower and changing into my pyjamas, I head downstairs to say goodnight to Uncle Steven and Aunt Caroline, they are in the lounge, still packaging away the stuff to get sent to the charity shop.

In the background, Nick is on a video call with his girlfriend sitting beside him. I sit down to chat to him, he introduces me to her, her name is Kimberley, but he calls her Kimmy. She is really sweet. She tells me she can't wait for me to get there, she has been helping Nick decorate my room for me and moving furniture around to make room for my belongings. They are really cute together. They tell me a little bit about the school we’ll be going to. Even though I’m only a few months younger than Nick, I will be in the year below them because off the different education systems. I am not too bothered about it. They tell me I can hang with them and a few friends until I get settled in, and they promised to look after me. They wont be there when I arrive as they both have to attend a football tournament but will be back the Saturday morning. Nick plays football and Kimberley is a cheerleader, she isn't what I would call a typical cheerleader, not a bimbo like the rest off them as Nick tells me. We say our goodbyes and I head up to bed.

Time is going by too fast, It’s my last night in my childhood home. We are currently sitting in the back garden, having just finished a Chinese takeaway for dinner. Sarah and her parents are here with a few other neighbours chatting away, talking about our childhoods. Uncle Steven and Aunt Caroline joining in with the stories, reminiscing old times. I’m feeling a bit emotional so I excuse myself and walk around to the front of the house, I hear the laughter from the back garden, I sit on the small bench at the front of the house, taking in the street. I plan on coming back here someday, not sure when but I will return maybe with my kids and show them where I grew up. My peace and quiet is soon disturb when Ben appears at the front gate. He slowly walks up to me, “Ben just f**k off. I do not want to see you” I shout and get up to walk back round to the others. “Emily, please. I can’t let you leave without forgiving me” he says as he reaches for my arm. “Forgive you. Are you mental? I will never forgive you, I will forget you most definitely, but forgiving you will be the last thing I do. Now f**k off” I scream and run back round to see my Uncle Steven standing at the side of the house. He pulls me into his arms and walks me to sit with my Aunt Caroline. He leaves me there and walks around to the front to make sure Ben left. Roughly 10 minutes later, Uncle Steven comes back round looking angry. He doesn’t say anything, just sits down and picks up his bottle of beer to take a drink. I look up to see Sarah staring at him with a worried look on his face. “Uncle Steven, is everything alright?” I whisper to him. “It is now, sweetie. He will remember to not be an asshole in the future” he tells me as he pulls me onto his lap to give me a fatherly hug. “And you will tell me what happened, but in your own time” he whispers in my ear. I just nod, climbing of his knee and heading inside to get some juice for myself.

The rest of the evening goes by rather quickly, Sarah has been crying in my arms for the last half hour. Her parents have not allowed her to stay of school tomorrow, and we will be leaving before she is home from school. She is breaking my heart. We sit and sob in each others arms for a little bit longer, just before 10pm her parents tell us they need to leave. Another sob comes from Sarah as we say our last goodbyes.

“Promise to message me at least twice a week, and video me at least once a week” she tells me.  “I promise” I sniffle as we give one last tight hug and they leave. I close the door with a loud sigh, as Aunt Caroline comes to comfort me.

We move a few boxes from upstairs ready for the movers in the morning, we decide to pack the last of the bits and bobs in the morning. It's been an emotional night so we all head to bed, as we have an early start.

I climb into bed too tired to shower, I reach for my phone and check to see I have a few messages from some friends from school and one from Nick. He says he is sorry he cant be here for me but as soon as he sees me he will give me a big cuddle to make me better. He is such a pansy, I’m sure it's Kimberley that is making him send this sort of stuff. He has never been that sappy. I roll over in my bed and stare up the ceiling, for the last time. Tomorrow is the start of my new life.