TAWNY
I hardly slept at all last night. The thoughts of the family’s situation from yesterday played on my conscious. Wondering what happened to them after they were let go, where did they go? Would they be looking for food again and run into the same circumstances? I hoped not.
I wanted to go find them – help them. Provide for them. The little boy’s pale face and malnourished body were a vision I couldn’t shake. It was Mason who held me back, stating that it was not our place to interfere. He didn’t know of my grandfather’s wishes and proposition to make me queen. That was something else that kept me awake in the late and early hours of the night.
I didn’t know what to expect when I came here. It certainly wasn’t this. The impression I had of my grandfather before I arrived was slowly changing. At each turn, he kept contradicting what I thought I knew. Surprising me. I was determined to be indifferent to him – to hold him at arm’s length, but in three days I found myself liking him more and more.
He wasn’t the cruel king I had imagined, nor was he someone who excluded people or thought less of someone because of their status. It was the people who surround him, the nobles and ranked members in this kingdom that held to the outdated laws and separation of society. I was beginning to see this.
“Good morning, Princess,” Gillian’s voice breaks the silence in the kitchen where Mason and I are sitting drinking cups of thick black coffee and eating avocado oatmeal. She seems cheerier and brighter – not so shy this morning.
“Good morning, Gillian. And it’s Tawny, please.” I tell her, thinking I will never get used to someone calling me princess.
“My apologies,” She bows her head slightly and I roll my eyes “Good morning, Mason, sir.” She gives the hunky werecat next to me a nod and takes a seat across from us. “Have you been up long?”
“Crack of dawn like every morning,” Mason replies with a wink which makes Gillian’s face blush. I know Mason is just being his charming self, but I think Gillian sees it as him hitting on her. I elbow him and give him a warning look to cool it when he side-eyes me.
“So…” Gillian takes to talking again, her eyes darting between the two of us “King Armand has asked me to spend the day with you Prince – Tawny. And he has asked if you, Mason, and your warriors would like to join in on training with our warriors. He is hoping maybe they can learn a thing or two from you or the opposite.”
I see Mason puff his chest out, sitting up a little straighter and higher. A smirk on his lips and pride in his eyes. “I would be happy to evaluate your warriors and contribute anything I can to their training.” He replies.
“Excellent!” Gillian claps excitedly, her blue eyes shine and her blonde hair bounces around her shoulders. “You will report Wyvern, he will show you around and work your men in with our.” She then casts her eyes to me, “When would you like to leave Tawny?”
I smile back at her because let’s be honest, her innocent and peppy personality at this moment is contagious. So different from the first day we met her when she was a bag of nerves. It seems as if she had done a one-eighty with her personality. Either that or she feels like she can be herself around us. I hope so.
“Give me an hour? I want to call Lamia and catch up with her.”
“Of course!” Suddenly that shy look is back on her face, and her cheeks are turning pink again, “Would you mind asking about Kolby?” She mumbles.
“Sure, no problem. If he is still there, I can have Lamia tell him to give you a call?”
She nods, with a large and warm smile “That would be good, thank you.”
I head upstairs, entering the offending gold-trimmed room, shaking my head as I look at the gaudily decorated walls. I grab my phone from the side table and pull up Lamia’s number. It rings going to voicemail. Strange. I call again and get her voicemail. I don’t leave a message, instead, I call Hunji, same thing – voice mail. I sigh and pull up Travis’ contact information, not really wanting to speak to him.
Travis is a nice enough person; he has never given me a reason to think he doesn’t like me but… I’m still not comfortable conversing with him. We don’t have a friendship as I do with Kellen and Mike or even Hunji.
If I’m truthful, I think his wolf can’t stand my presence. Lamia says I’m being silly thinking like that. She doesn’t see his wolf peeking through his eyes, staring at me like he wants to inflict pain.
I get it. I killed his mate. I had no choice. Kira was a truly awful person, she not only had her own mate thrown in the dungeons and initiated his torture and abuse, but she was also the person behind Lamia’s kidnapping two years ago. The best friend who betrayed not only Lamia but Travis – her own mate.
I dial Travis’ number. He picks up on the second ring. “Hey Tawny!” He says brightly. See that’s the thing, Travis is nice to me, I don’t think it’s him with the problem, but rather his wolf who still holds animosity towards me for killing Kira. Even though she was part of the unspeakable things that happened to him in captivity, his wolf still pined for the loss of his mate, and I was the one who took her from him. Even though she rejected him.
“Het Travis, I was trying to get ahold of Lamia but all I got was voicemail. Is everything ok?” I hear him clear his throat and cough, then the shuffling of papers.
“Actually…” He starts and I groan, not liking his tone. The tone means something is going on. “She’s in the bear Kingdom.”
“What?” I ask shocked “Why is she there?” I’m reeling right now. That was the last place I expected Lamia to be. Considering her history with bears.
“You’re not going to like this, but we found out her dad has been missing for the past couple of weeks. Last seen in the Kodiak Kingdom. So, she went to go find him.” He sounded worried. I knew he was. He and Lamia had become close over the last two years and even closer in the last year if you know what I mean.
“s**t Travis…”
“She has been in touch with Hunji, she is fine. You know Lam’s.” He gives a half-hearted chuckle down the phone. “How are things down there?” He asks sincerely.
“Not bad. Different.” I hesitate but figure while we are on the phone I might as well, “Is Kolby Crimson still there?” I ask, his name rolling off my tongue like melted butter and my kitty purrs at the way it sounds too.
“No actually, he left yesterday evening. He should be on his way back to Cambiador. Nice guy, if you ask me.” I nod, even though he can’t see me. “Something wrong, Tawny?” I sigh, feeling like he is only asking me because his Alpha is my best friend and not out of genuine concern.
“No. His fiancé hadn’t heard from him. I think she is anxious for him to return.” I purse my lips, really wishing it was Hunji I was speaking with. Despite our attraction to each other, Hunji and I had become good friends. Ones that talked, ones that could rely on each other. He was someone who listened to me, and I felt like he understood me. Sometimes even more than Lamia.
I didn’t feel comfortable opening up to Travis, he always made me feel vulnerable. Like bullies when I was younger that tormented me, yet, again, Travis has never been anything but nice to me. “Can ask you something, Travis?”
“Shoot little kitty, I’m all ears.” I take a deep breath, not sure how to word it or ask what I want to.
I decided to just put it out there anyway “I feel… exposed here,” Is the best way I can start
“Do you want to come home? Do you need me to send more warriors to you?” Now he sounds concerned and I can hear him sit up in his chair through the speaker on the phone.
“No, no. It’s just different. Mason and the boys have been great. It’s just, I can’t mind-link with anyone…” I trail off.
“Ahh, I get it. You’re out there on your own and even though Mason can link with the other warriors we sent, you can’t with any of them?”
“Yeah, pretty much. I just – I don’t know what I’m asking, Travis. I know Kellen can’t send wolves here and there are very few if any other werecats in the Moon Kingdom. I don’t want to leave, yet.”
“Say no more. I will send you a message with instructions on how you can establish a connection between you and our warriors temporarily. It’s pretty much the same thing as a blood pact but with different words and a ritual. The connection can be cut at any time by any party without either of them losing their place in their packs or denouncing their Alpha.”
“Seriously?” I breathe a sigh of relief. This temporary fix would make me feel so much more at ease. And not so exposed and dependent on others. “Thank you, Travis.”
“Hey, no worries! Once you get back here or see one of us again, I think you should really consider becoming an honorary member of MacTire’s pack.”
“That would be good. Keep me updated about Lamia ok.?”
“Before you hang up Tawny, I think you should know, Rhett came across a strange creature out in the boroughs. There have been several attacks on small packs and Clans. Keep your eyes open and stay safe, okay?” Lamia had told me about the attack on a Clan close to the MacTire border, but I was unaware that there had been any more.
“Thanks, Travis,” I tell him before I hang up, promising to stay safe.
See that was a pleasant and nice conversation, no animosity, nothing that should make me think he doesn’t like me. But it’s not until I hang up that my cat, Juniper starts growling and pacing in my mind.
‘I don’t trust that wolf’ She hisses in my head.
‘Relax, Juniper. He has never done anything to hurt us.’ I defend Travis. Because it’s true. He is genuinely a nice guy.
‘His wolf hates us’
‘Do you blame him? We were the ones who killed his mate.’ I point out. Our human side can reason and understand circumstances, but our animal counterparts are not so understanding. They only know how they feel and mostly act on those feelings, so if Travis’ wolf held me responsible for his loss, no matter how evil Kira was, I really couldn’t blame the wolf.
‘Her death wasn’t soon enough.’ I feel her fur hackle, causing the hair on the back of my neck to prickle.
*****
I spend the rest of the day with Gillian who, after showing me around the main city of Cambiador and introducing me to countless patrons, has started to grow on me.
She is definitely shy and reserved but she is kind. A gentle soul who finds beauty in everything. There’s a meekness about her that calls to me. One I recognize.
It wasn’t so long ago that I was that same introverted werecat who cowered around other shifters because I thought I was weaker. It’s not how my father taught me to be. But it’s who I was. Years of bullying, not fitting in, and being degraded because I was a big cat shifter and not a wolf will do that to you.
Until I met Lamia. She saw me for who I was and encouraged me to embrace my differences and uniqueness. Along with Hunji, Kellen and Mike, she helped strip away that fear – the shyness. They taught me to fight, to find my strengths, and bit by bit I became stronger. Not just physically but mentally too. Now I couldn’t care what anyone thought of me. I figure if they don’t like me or have a problem with me. Then that was their problem. Not mine.
As I watch Gillian converse with a trader, her smile is genuine but weak. Her fingers fidget together, and her posture is stiff like she expects to be reprimanded at any moment.
I watch her as she talks. I see her let out a huge breath of relief and her shoulders sag once the conversation has ended and the patron moves to another customer. “You don’t like speaking with people?” It’s more a statement than a question.
Her crystal blue eyes meet mine, worry etched into her features and her emotions give her away when those eyes glaze over. “Is it that obvious?” She asks, dropping her gaze from me.
“Then why do you do it? Because you don’t look comfortable.” I’m not trying to call her out, but if I can understand her. Maybe I can help her. Just like I was helped.
She sighs and starts to walk. I fall in line next to her. For a few moments, she twiddles a lock of her blond hair between her fingers before she responds. “I’ve always been told what to do. What to say. Where to stand. Even when to speak.” She glances at me, giving me a solemn look. “My father is highly ranked in this kingdom and when my arranged marriage to Kolby was presented to the King a few months ago – I felt like things were finally going in the right direction for me.”
The corners of her lips turn up and her face flushes. “You were happy about the arranged marriage?” I c**k a brow, perplexed by how anyone could be happy being told who they should marry. “What about your mate?”
It’s Gillian’s turn to look at me like I just grew two heads. “My mate?” She crudely asks.
“Yeah, did you and Kolby want to wait and find your mates?” I have always been told finding your fated mate could only make you stronger as a person. “You know before you committed to someone. A chosen mate?”
She laughs, her head thrown backward with the force of the chortle. It’s the first time I’ve seen her truly animated, it suits her. Once she gets her breathing under control she gives a wry look, pinching her lips together. “Is that how it works in the werewolf kingdom?” I nod at her.
Gillian’s face becomes all too serious. Her eyes roam, taking me in. “Not here” She declares and starts walking again. “Werecats don’t rely on finding their mates. Lower-ranked Lyoki may marry their mates or wait to find true love. But the higher-ups, the ranked and titled – We marry for convenience, money, status.” She waves her hand in the air dismissively. “We enter a contract of marriage.”
“Excuse my ignorance, but what does the contract entail?” From what I have gathered so far, things are definitely done differently here. So it would make sense that there was probably a little more to the contract of the contract marriage.
“Oh no, you are right to ask. You will need to know this when King Armand finds you a suitor!” My eyebrows are in my hairline. I can feel them sticking there.
“Yeah. Not happening.” I deadpan.
Gillian dismisses my words. “When a werecat enters an arranged marriage, we are subject to stay with our chosen husbands for one year. After that year they may end the contract or marry us. However, we are slated to be engaged, stay and live together for that whole year and perform martial duties.”
“Marital duties?” I shake my head “You mean even if the man decides he doesn’t want you he can still… f**k you?” She nods “That’s… that’s…” I’m lost for words. “Wrong. What if you don’t want to? Or what if they just want to use you?” The more I talk the more I feel my irritation grow. “What I’m hearing Gillian, is that they can swap out their fiancée every year? What if you get pregnant during that year?”
“Oh, that would be wonderful. Especially for higher-ranked werecats. The more heirs produced the better for their Clowder.”
I look at the woman I am currently walking alongside. She is deadly serious. I rub a hand over my mouth. I’m so confused that I feel like my brain could combust from replaying her words.
“Even our ranking isn’t the same as werewolves and werebears. This is something we will go over in the next few days. When Kolby is back.” Gillian’s eye light up at the mention of her fiancée.
“You really love him, don’t you?” I ask of the Beta, whom I have yet to meet.
“I do. Truly. When you meet him, you will understand. Kolby Crimson is different, an enigma. Tall and broad. And very handsome. Not to mention he knows how to treat a woman outside and inside the bedroom.” Her cheeks turn pink again and I smile at the meek woman so obviously in love.