Just Rose

Chapter 32

Rose pulled up to the restaurant in her little car and stopped, parking easily in the dark but sitting a moment to check her hair and makeup with her visor light. She was meeting him here as planned, yet that heavy weight in her stomach was being stubborn and refusing to go away tonight. All day it had weighed on her, her mind, flitting back to her situation with Rob over and over and causing a deep swirling nausea making it near impossible to just relax.

She saw his car pull up in her rear-view mirror, smoothly reversing into a space across from her and waited patiently. They had gotten into a routine of meeting in car parks, always late at night, always out of town and Rose couldn’t help the lump that formed in her throat. The feeling that this was what they were, at the rate things were progressing she couldn’t see an end to this either.

He wrapped on her window lightly moments later, pulling her out of her own head and then opened her door to help her out with a hand.

‘Hey there gorgeous.’ He pulled her against him and sunk a kiss on her that helped push away all the tension and upset, normally it worked to eradicate it completely but tonight it only softened the heaviness. Tongue flicking against hers lightly and bringing out the desire to be naked with him once again.

‘Hey you. How was your brunch?’ She asked a little too frostily when he finally released her, she breathed in heavily, swallowed down and smiled to cover the way she said it. He narrowed his eyes on her for a brief second before turning her to walk with an arm about her shoulders, obviously dismissing it.

‘Boring... Long. How was the beach?’ His mouth found her temple as they walked, and a small squeeze of her shoulders were all she needed to let the mood go. She would just focus on being here with him tonight, enjoy the food and his company and look forward to being alone later.

‘Tiring. We stayed till mid-afternoon and then I went home for a nap, You, exhausted me.’ She smiled up at him a little easier, being released as he opened the restaurant door and gently guided her in.

‘I intend to do the same tonight.’ He winked, and this time looped her fingers in his to pull her in towards the maître de.

‘You’re staying tonight?’ Rose blinked up at him, questioningly, knowing that his staying the night before was usually a sign that they wouldn’t get to spend another full night together for at least another few days. Two in a row had almost become impossible.

‘I’ll try too.’ He winked, hushing her as the man approached them with a smile to ask for the reservation name. Rose looked away, tears stinging her eyes, knowing that this wasn’t how it should feel. That being in love and a relationship shouldn’t always be so uncertain. She wanted definite plans, no broken nights and stolen moments. She wanted a proper life and relationship with him and the way things were going it was causing all sorts of doubts about their future together. None of this she could voice of course, for fear Rob would end things like he had originally wanted until Morag was well, or more able to cope with Rob having a girlfriend. Rose sighed and followed him as they were shown to their table. Pushing it all down and plastering a bright smile on her face to cover all of her heart ache.

‘You look stunning tonight, you always look beautiful but especially so in that dress.’ He smiled at her when they were seated, his eyes running over her appreciatively. Rose could only smile and smooth down her skirt, eyes avoiding his as she got a handle on her internal tears. ‘Your sister chose it... Figured I would look good in aqua.’ She smiled, pleased that her new fifties style dress was a hit. Always a lover of vintage. She pulled the menu towards her slowly and used it as a diversion from those smoky eyes.

‘It won’t be like this always.’ His soft tone picked up her gaze to meet his, that frown and gentle expression telling her that he had sensed her upset. Knew she was having a hard time nowadays. ‘I told Morag I was dating, that there had been women in the last few years...... She didn’t take it so well, but she also didn’t erupt.’ He was watching her intently, not making a move to pick up his menu.

‘Does this mean things will start to change?’ She enquired warily, her heart afraid to hope for anything so soon.

‘Not yet, I want to get her used to the idea that there is someone... Before she finds out it’s you. Before we start walking around publicly and put it in her face. I know this is shitty on you baby, but I am trying to do the right thing and protect both of your feelings.’ He frowned, finally lifting his menu and opening it quickly, not really reading it either.

‘How long will that take? What if she never accepts it?’ Again, this same old fact, over and over in Rose’s head. The what if’s. Her deflated tone couldn’t conceal her doubt.

‘Rose look at me.’ He pulled her to his gaze once more, a smile softly on that perfect mouth. ‘I love you. I will do whatever it takes to make this as fast as I can, but I also can’t rush things. If she harmed herself because of us, it would affect us, affect our happiness. I know you don’t get why I am this way with her, but there is truly nothing there but friendship. I have known her for fifteen years, been her only friend for most of that time and been the only one who has managed to help her. Her story is complicated and heart breaking, and I care about her the way I care about my sister; I’m sorry I’m not the kind of asshole who can just push her aside; even for you. I want her to be happy too.’ He reached out and caught Rose’s hand in his, pulling it towards him slightly, so he could rest easily and smooth her fingers with this thumb. ‘I don’t want you to just push her aside, I get that you care. I love that you care the way you do.... It’s just so ... Frustrating!’ Rose sighed. ‘It’s not exactly a run of the mill situation, anyone on the outside looking in would never understand any of this.’

‘I only need you to understand, and to not give up on me.’ He watched her, waiting for a response but Rose could only sigh heavily again.

‘Look. I’m not going anywhere, let’s just eat and go. I just want to be wrapped up with you and forget about her for tonight.’ She pulled away from his fingers and lifted her menu once more, scanning the food quickly and trying to pick something before her mood took yet another weird turn. Her menu was whipped out of her hand, making her jump, and she was faced with him standing right beside her, hand held out.

‘Come on, we can grab takeaway on the way home... I want to be alone now, not later.’ He looked serious, gaze intense and she didn’t hesitate. Reaching out to be pulled up out of her seat, his arm coming around her as he ushered her back in the direction they had come in. He waved the waiter away with a smile and apology and dumped a few bills on the stand as we passed by.

‘Appetite is not for food.’ He grinned at the other man, getting a smile in return and a knowing look as he pulled her towards the exit. Rose blushed furiously and looked down at the floor in complete mortification, hissing his name in embarrassment.

As they got to the car park, Rose went to pull away and head for her car, but he pulled her back to him.

‘I meant what I said in there... I love you. More than anything in the world. Trust me that this isn’t all there is.’ It wasn’t the first time he had told her he loved her but something in the way he was intensely gazing into her eyes made it feel different, made it somehow more convincing that he wouldn’t just let things go on like this.

‘I love you too Rob, I just want to be happy and for us to get past this... Soon. It’s not how I imagined falling in love would be.’ His fingers trailed over her face softly.

‘It’s not how I want it to be. Give me time, just a little more, let me try it my way for a little longer.’ She nodded and let him kiss her slowly and passionately in the dark car park, when he released her he walked her to her car and deposited her inside. ‘I’ll follow you back to the cottage. We can phone for food when we get there, I love you.’

It was almost as if he could sense her rising insecurity tonight, or maybe just all the tension of late was bothering him too, but Rose felt a little lighter with the way he was looking at her.

‘Sure, you can keep up?’ She grinned and pulled her door shut. Starting her car with a wicked gleam in her eye and warning him that she didn’t intend to drive like a lady.