New Home

CHAPTER ONE: - CLARISSE.

Clarisse stumbled on the streets of the New York city in an absolute stupor, barely noticing the abuzz and milling crowd of people around her. She felt stranger’s eyes piercing through her. She tried her hard not to break down. She forced her eyes to contain the tears but her eyes reluctant as her stubborn heart to let go of people.

“It’s okay, Clarisse…,” she consoled herself, “…you have to make it home Sam is waiting.” Sam, her son always kept her pieces bounded together. She would’ve shattered into millions of shards a long ago.

Tumbling and sobbing she somehow managed to get to the subway going to the downtown Manhattan with only fifty dollars in her purse. In the subway she saw a group of teenagers excited about their picnic, laughing, hooting, and screaming. There were a couple a boy and a girl with smile stretched wide on their lips. The girl’s head was resting on the boy’s shoulder and their hand in each other.

Clarisse went in the retrospect of her teenage days where she would ride her bicycle to the school. She belonged to an austere catholic family with a nun as her aunt. She would go to church every Sunday and sing along with the gospel choir; her parents would look at her with their eyes filled with pride. She would sometime smoke a cigarette or two away from everyone else, into the solitudes of the nature – just a few miles away from her school – she would go there and dance blowing all the worries away with the smoke.

She could feel that Juice Newton’s song playing in her head “just call me angel.” Where did that Angel of the morning go? She wondered, how her life changed? It seems like only yesterday when she was trying hard to get into the college or university to learn arts and hoping she would someday teach young people and influence them. But life is not always fair is it?

That one mistake. That one house party had turned her life upside down. That first love of her Eric, she wouldn’t have dared to love if she would’ve known the price it came with, the price she can’t afford to pay. But also, the love gave her a hope to cling to, a special gift of her flesh and blood, and eyes which reminds her of Eric. She spent a time recreating those feelings once she had for Eric, trying to relapse in that sweet slumber of love that feeling of utter joy and a heavenly bliss.

Whenever this memories flashes across her mind screening against her eyes, every conversation and song she’d listened to resonating in her ears her lips smile a little, and a tear rolls down on her dimpled cheeks. She never willed to get away from those memories neither she wanted to be stuck in them forever, but she wanted to relieve them.

The group of teenagers got off at the time square and Clarisse was dragged back to the reality from her time travel. She was impatient to get home and hold her son tight. She had failed all the time rekindling that spark once she had. She is just twenty-five not too old, but hooking up random men wouldn’t make her feel loved. Although Raymond did, but in a different way he made her feel secured and cared and stable. Whereas Wichita, she made her feel like home, a “NEW HOME.” When she had left everything behind and ran off to this intolerant city where she lived in a tiny rented apartment in downtown of Manhattan, laboring all day and night to make it a home and yet couldn’t. Wichita came along with a home, a home in her arms the most warm and safest place on the earth.

Clarisse got off the prince street she still had to walk several blocks and take another subway to get at the Bowery station. She strode across the street clumsily, she wished badly is she could get a coffee nearby somewhere but home isn’t too far.

She scrutinized the faces passing by her, a couple of them staring at her curiously. She saw a homeless woman pulling a trash cart around, mumbling something to herself. The cold city, she thought. No one cares or bothers to ask what’s wrong? She was still not used to the urban lifestyle. She was brought up in a tiny town of Tivoli where everyone knew her and the people there were friendly enough to offer a cup of coffee, caring enough to ask about your day.

It has been ten years she left her hometown behind and she gets homesick, she wondered if she ever went back would her parents welcome her and their grandson? Would the people there still recognize her? If she ever went near the lake would the fisherman still wave at her? All these things she misses about herself. Once she did have a dream to move to a city and live a lavish lifestyle but it turns out it was just a stupid teenage dream, which would never really make sense. Nothing at this point made sense.

Her strong selfish urge which never let Raymond go. Her unfulfilled desires which would always make her want to go to Wichita.

Another train and then walking afew blocks and finding herself on the stairs of her apartment, it was all a daze. The squeaking of stairs and then the knock on the door.

“Mommy…!” Sam jumped off his feet as soon as he saw Clarisse coming through the door and hugged her.

“There is my little baby…,” she kissed him, “… did you miss me?”

“No, not really. Until Rebecca fed me leftovers.” Sam complained.

Rebecca squinted at him and said, “you didn’t finish your dinner, we made a deal for pancakes only if you leave nothing in your plate.”

“Thank you, Rebecca…,” Clarisse smiled at her, “…for looking after him.”

“He is a darling.” Rebecca replied, she noticed the gloom on Clarisse’s face and asked, “you alright, dear?”

“yes…,” Clarisse replied plainly trying to cover up with a smile.

She brushed her hand on Sam’s head and said, “… let’s make some pancakes.”

“Take care, Clarisse.” Rebecca concerned and left grabbing her bag.