WAIT FOR LOVE (Lovemark #4)

3. Olivander-2

“Well, you definitely can’t send that kind of note to her,” Dori exploded, motioning to the crumpled parchment. “Are you crazy? If my, uh, my mate told me he was in the kind of trouble you’re in and that I should stay away for my own safety, the first thing I’d do is go to him to help get him the f**k out of trouble.”

“Yeah.” I grimaced. “That’s what I figured about Unity as well, which is why this is one of the discarded notes I did not send her.”

“Thank goodness.” Dori blew out a sigh of relief before asking, “So what did you say in the final version you sent her?”

“That’s the kicker,” I admitted morosely. “I haven’t sent anything yet. I have no idea what to tell her. I mean, how do you warn someone to be careful without alarming them to any possible danger? Besides, I honestly have no idea how to explain any of this. I just learned it all these past few days myself. I’m as baffled by the existence of Earth as you are about us. So how do I tell her about it? Plus, I’m afraid of how to say it, in case the letter is intercepted by someone who shouldn’t see it, which is a very likely possibility. I can’t be too open or my father will discover that something’s up. Yet vagueness will only confuse her. And hell, I have no idea what she’d think of some woman she’s never met staying in my bedchamber until I can figure out somewhere safer for you to board.”

Dori winced. “You need me to go, don’t you?”

I laughed harshly. “Where else are you supposed to go, though?”

“Good question. Damn, Vander. I’m sorry. I don’t want to get you into trouble with your mate.”

“No, don’t let that bother you; I’ll handle the situation,” I assured with a vague smile.

She nodded, only to bite her lip a second later. “Is Unity the understanding type?”

I shrugged. “I honestly have no idea. The last time I saw her, she was twelve. I imagine she’s a completely different person by now.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” After a thoughtful pause, she sat upright. “Mates are kind of like soul mates, right?” she asked suddenly.

I nodded. “They’re exactly like soul mates, yes. Why?”

“Right,” she murmured with a nod. “So maybe your association with her won’t be one of passion. Maybe you’ll just be, like, best friends. Platonic friends. Or a father-daughter type of bond.”

My brow furrowed, and I shook my head. “But every mated pair I’ve ever heard of has shared passion, as well as every other kind of connection.”

“So?” Dori shrugged, as if that meant nothing. “Why can’t you once again be the exception to the rule? Every person you’d ever met before me has been born in your homeworld, right? But look at you now, befriending aliens.”

I blinked. “What’s an alien?”

She cracked a grin. “On Earth, that’s what we call people from another planet.”

“Oh.” I tipped my head to the side, thinking that through, before asking, “Then wouldn’t that technically make me the alien here?”

“You’re right. See, I’m befriending aliens. I never in my wildest dreams thought that would happen. So why can’t your soul mate be a platonic bond?”

Because that would mean one thing for me. “You think I’ll never experience passion, then?” I asked softly.

She wrinkled her nose. “Wait. I’m confused. Are you saying you haven’t experienced any yet?”

“I…” Well, hell. I guess I had just admitted that, hadn’t I? That wasn’t embarrassing or anything. I cleared away an obstruction that was suddenly crowding my throat and tried to ignore the heat flooding my face.

“Oh my God,” she gasped. “Oh my God, you’ve never had s*x before. And you’re, like, extremely attractive. How is this possible?”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” I muttered with a scowl, only to send her a questioning glance.

Did she really think I was attractive?

“But—but…” Words escaped her for a moment. Then… “This is one freaking weird world.”

“No,” I admitted reluctantly. “I’m the one that’s weird. I don’t know anyone else my age who is as untried as I am. But my mate is thirteen years my junior. I hadn’t gotten around to consorting with the opposite gender when I met her, and she was never of an age for that before she left for the academy, so...”

Seriously, shouldn’t that explain everything?

Dori still seemed confused, though. “Yeah, but haven’t you ever been attracted to anyone else? Been aroused? Had an erection?”

I just stared at her before blinking once. “This has to be the strangest, most inappropriate conversation I’ve ever had with anyone.”

This time, it was her turn to blush. “Sorry. You’re right. I’m sorry. I just—wow. I totally overstepped my bounds there. I apologize. I have so many questions, though. I mean, seriously, you can’t drop a bomb like that on me without me being infinitely curious and needing answers. I—wow—I’ve been rooming with a virgin alien prince for days and had no idea. How is this happening right now?”

Clearing my throat, I sent her a tight smile, not sure how to answer. “Beats me,” I finally muttered.

She winced again, catching on to my discomfort. “Sorry, Vander. God, I’m so sorry. I’m being a total ass.”

I waved a hand. “It’s fine. I’m just sensitive because I already feel abnormal enough. The truth is, yes, I have seen women I think are attractive.” She was one of them. “And, yes, I’ve been aroused, but the two haven’t exactly gone hand in hand for me. No one’s ever tempted me to the point that I wanted to experience passion with them specifically. Not enough for me to attempt to harm my bond with Unity, anyway. I can only assume it’s because I haven’t been in my true love’s presence since she reached maturity. At least, I hope that’s the case.”

God, please, let that be the case.

“But you do want passion?” she pressed. “Someday.”

Um, yes. Who wanted to lead a life devoid of all passion?

I blinked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “I wouldn’t mind knowing what it was like,” I answered stoically while inside, a craving bloomed so fiercely that I gnashed my back teeth until they creaked in protest from merely trying to stave it off.

Dori rolled her eyes before suggesting, “Then why haven’t you brought Unity home already and tried out some damn passion with her?”

The acids in my stomach churned painfully over the very thought. “I—er, no. I don’t think—I mean, I’m not sure it would change anything. What if it doesn’t change anything?”

“Huh?”

“What if she doesn’t inspire, you know, lust inside me?” Because she never had before.

“Then why don’t you try some passion with someone else?” Dori argued as if that should be the next logical step.

I gaped at her incredulously, certain she hadn’t said what I’d just heard her say. Then I blustered, “Absolutely not! I could never do that to Unity. It would be the ultimate betrayal.”

“Dude.” With a drained sigh, she pressed her palm to her brow and shook her head before straightening again. “You gotta make a decision here. Do you want it one way or the other? It’s as simple as that. Despite the pitfalls of either choice, you just made it clear that hanging out in this indecisive, in-between, no-man’s-land zone is more miserable than anything. So just pick one. Is it gonna be Unity or someone else?”

“But I can’t even imagine how I would ever find any kind of passionate pleasure with that twelve-year-old child I sent off to the academy. It just feels wrong,” I confessed in a hushed voice, as if saying it too loudly would offend my mate, who was hundreds of miles away and couldn’t hear a word I said.

“Okay.” Dori nodded encouragingly. “What’s your true argument against hooking up with someone else, then?”

“It might hurt Unity,” I said immediately. “I could never do anything that might hurt her. Never.”

“Have you talked to her about any of this?”

I blinked, not comprehending. “What?”

“Oh my God.” Dori pressed a hand to her forehead and sighed. “Look at me now, Ma. Playing marriage counselor to a freaking alien. Who knew, right?”

“Funny,” I deadpanned with a straight face.

Dori sighed. “Okay, here’s what you need to do, pal. You need to talk to your mate. Got it? Maybe she wouldn’t be upset about you going off and hooking up with some rando. Maybe she can’t picture herself being with you in that way, either. Maybe she’d be relieved to know you also don’t want to get jiggy with her. But you’re not going to know either way unless you ask her.”

Even though I only understood about half the words she said, I winced, catching the gist of her meaning. “That just seems like such a personal question to have with—”

“She’s your freaking mate!” Dori growled as she threw up her hands in exasperation. “You should be able to talk about anything with her, right? And I know this one’s going to be a shocker, but she’s not a child anymore. She understands what passion is now and she’s going to know if she wants that with you or not. So just talk to her.”

I rubbed a finger over my bottom lip thoughtfully, considering her words, because she made a very good point, even as the mere idea made me cringe in immediate rejection.

“You can do it,” she encouraged, reaching out to squeeze my arm. “If you can have this discussion with me right now, you can have it with her. I promise you.”

“But you’re so much more mature than—”

“Than what she was,” Dori reminded me steadily. “Not how she is now. She’s not twelve anymore. You seem to forget that a lot.”

“You’re right,” I admitted on a groan, and my heart wrenched with misery. “I do. It’s just so hard for me to let go of her being a child. It felt as if I gave up a daughter when I sent her to the academy, like my little girl had been ripped away from me. I never really recovered from it. And if she doesn’t come back in the same form she left in, I just—I fear it’ll destroy me.” I sighed and shook my head. “It’ll be like I lost her forever.”

“You want my take on the situation?”

I squinted at her severely. “I’m not going to like your take, am I?”

“Nope,” she answered, a little too cheerfully for my taste. “Because, sorry, but you did lose your daughter that day.”

I swallowed thickly, misery rushing up my throat and stinging my nostrils. And even though I knew she was right, I said, “That’s not what I wanted to hear, thanks.”

“I know, bud.” Sympathy finally filled her eyes as she patted the arm she’d just squeezed. “And I’m sorry, but you did the right thing by putting some distance between you two. I think this time and space has opened up the perfect opportunity to give you two a fresh start when you reunite. Now you can begin anew as a couple is supposed to, and not as a father and daughter.”

“I know you’re right,” I told her, slumping into a chair beside her. “I guess I’m just still scared that it won’t have been enough time, or that maybe it’ll have been too much time. What if she hates me now because I’ve been too worried to send for her earlier?”

“My God, did you guys not talk or correspond at all in the past nine years?”

“Eight and a half,” I corrected testily. “And yes, we message each other constantly.” It wasn’t as if I’d just ignored my one true love completely.

“But you never spoke about issues of too much consequence, I’m guessing.”

“No,” I admitted glumly, my shoulders sagging. “I suppose I never reached a place where I began to quite think of her as a confidante.”

As an equal.

“Welp.” Dori slapped my shoulder hard enough to almost nudge me out of my chair. “There’s no time like the present to fix that.”

“Right.” I blew out an aggravated breath. “Except now is the worst time ever to do that.”

“Oh, yeah.” Dori winced. “I’d forgotten about all your issues around here. Damn.”

Exactly.

“And besides, what would I say?” I went on. “I couldn’t even properly phrase a warning of possible danger to her if I did write to her.” I glanced at the near-dozen balls of wadded parchment where I’d tried to explain to Unity what had been going on here.

“It’ll have to wait,” I decided, just as a knock sounded on my chamber door.

Dori and I exchanged a concerned glance.

It was too late in the day to be receiving a social call, and that knock had been heavy and authoritative—not desperate or harried—so it was probably a summons from my father.

“Get behind the dressing screen,” I ordered quietly.

Eyes wide, Dori nodded in agreement and scurried to do just that.

Once she was secured out of sight, I drew in a deep breath and opened the door.

Just as I figured, one of my father’s royal guards waited in the hall to address me.

“The king wishes to have a word with you, my lord,” he reported.

“Of course,” I murmured and immediately stepped over the threshold to join him in the corridor, shutting the door at my back before I could give myself away and accidentally glance toward the dressing screen.

Splaying out my hand, I sent him a tense smile. “Please, lead the way.”

Gut knotting with tension because a summons from the king at this time of day couldn’t be good, I followed my heavily armed escort to my father, all the while hoping Dori stayed where she was and didn’t get herself into trouble while I was gone.