The First Mate

Chapter Eighteen

Annie! Stop! I screamed again, my voice cracking from the strain as I yelled into an echoing void of darkness.

I couldn't see anything, I couldn't feel anything.

But the odd warmth of the pitch black that was the depths of my being.

The place Annie rested.

She'd never done this before! I didn't even know she could do this!

I was in her form, but I let larger, stronger, than when I would be Shifted.

Like, I was feeling Annie's true body.

A flash of light illuminated the area; the darkness was pulled back like a veil, and I blinked as a world formed around me.

Soft, lush green grass dotted with daisies, dandelions, and small clovers passed my feet, spreading around me and forming around a small lake. Behind it, a hole was carved into the side of the hill.

I walked slowly, smelling and looking around.

There were no sounds but a gentle breeze, fish in the small lake and someone humming.

It was a noise I couldn't describe, the voice of a woman but ethereal and timeless, haunting but soothing.

I followed it to the hole in the hill, seeing it was a den entrance.

The humming stopped for a moment.

"Come in, little Silver one." The ethereal voice sang, and I stepped inside.

The den was a rounded room of packed dirt.

But there were human furnishings; a small fireplace crackled in the corner, a pot bubbling away with what smelled like rabbit stew.

Thick rugged carpets covered the floor, a plush ring of them before the fire, with a crude but sturdy coffee table surrounded by a curved couch, a woman sitting on it.

"Come warm yourself." She said as I walked around the couch, coming to sit in the small ring of bedding, finding it fit me perfectly.

I met the woman's eyes and almost fell backwards into the fire.

A gentle caress of wind stroked my head, pushing me back into the bedding.

"Don't fear me, child." Her all too familiar face twisted in concern and hurt. "You are granted speech, your thoughts are your own here."

I swallowed. "So, you're not me?" I asked quietly.

Though a few years older and a white glow to her skin.

The woman staring at me....was me.

Cooper hair twisted in loose curls around her slightly chubby, but pretty face.

Big green eyes, though unlike mine shone with a warmth and magic.

Her plump lips tightened, the speckling of orange freckles across her nose and cheeks brightening with a flood of embarrassment. "Well," she started, tilting her head side to side. "That's a difficult one to answer."

I rose, setting my...paws and stared at her. "I'm not in the mood to play games, lady."

"Cordelia." She corrected quickly, taking a slender finger at me.

I narrowed my eyes. "Okay, so not me."

She shrugged, her mouth twisting nonchalantly. "We are named many things."

My ears dropped. "Am I this annoying?" I scowled.

She gave a trill of laughter, waving her hand. "No, child. You're far worse."

I stood. "Okay, I'm leaving. How do I get Annie to release control? I need to find Dane." I started to leave but felt my body lock up, holding me in place.

I couldn't even turn my head to glare at Cordelia.

"She will give it back when she's ready. Dane is fine; you wouldn't be here otherwise." Her voice was hard, a shadow dipping it, and I suppressed a shiver.

"I'm getting very sick of being left out." I growled.

Cordelia giggled, my body moving as she made me sit back down before releasing control again.

"Which is exactly why you'll sit here and wait until she's done." She set me with my own annoying ass stern expression.

Her dark copper brows narrowed, her lips pushing together as her jaw locked.

"Why are you here?"

Her face relaxed in surprise. "You know where we are?"

I looked around, nodding. "This is Annie's home. She told me once about it, called it Silver Grove."

Cordelia smiled, nodding. "Yes, all Shifters possess a void their other selves exist in. But Foxen are given Groves."

I looked at her confused. "Why?"

She looked back at me just as confused. "Had Annie not said much?"

I lay down, sighing. "She's never had much chance until the last two weeks, even then..." I trailed off, sighing again.

Had I neglected Annie? Had I ignored her lessons of our kind?

Cordelia raised her hand, a caress pulling my head up to look at her.

She gave me a tight smile. "Foxen Spirits are very....." She gave a look I knew to be finding a polite word. "Headstrong."

"Spirits?" I echoed, thinking I'd misheard.

She nodded slowly. "Foxen are not like Shifters, Rose." Her voice dipped, in a way that changed the air in the room. "They are not a shared spirit, binding to your own as a Shifter does. They exist beside you, inside of you. Selected because we are compatible." She sighed, moving to shift to the edge of the chair, her demeanour changing again.

"And you're?"

Her eyes snapped to me, and I almost smirked at the dullness.

"I'm Rosette." She said quietly, in my own voice.

A tremor shook me, a flash of recognition of a different kind. "We're chosen because we're reincarnation." I looked at her. "I'm your reincarnation."

She smiled with relief and her head tilted. "Oh, thank Goddess!" She noted my confused expression, waving her hands to further explain. "Because of our," she gestured between us, "connection; I'm not allowed to tell you exactly why we look alike; only try to guide you to the answer yourself." She rose a finger, a knowing look. "Don't ask, it's some mystical Goddess thing, and you'll just get a headache."

I gave a small chuckle.

Her smile relaxed. "It took me two days to work it out," her mouth twisted in thought. "Though, Fienna was useless."

She waved me off before I could ask. "The Foxen Spirits before Cordelia and Annie."

"So, they don't share hosts?"

She shook her head. "Every few generations, when we," her mouth twisted, "ya know?"

My eyes widened and I nodded quickly.

Died.

She continued. "We are reborn in the next cycle, however long that is."

"That's why there's only been three hundred of us?"

She gave me a smile that I recognised as love. "You found Carter."

I blinked. "Uh, yes, are they like-"

Another wave. "We were given three mates to choose from, finding one each recycle." I wanted to stop her but thought it best to wait. "Just like us, our mates are reincarnation, but they are born and bear the Shifters of the First. The Foxen Spirits are fragments of their original mate Silvena. Designed to guide us and care for, protect and love us. As they did from the very beginning."

The paw prints.

They were Ulric, Carter, Mathias and....

I looked down at Annie's paw.

And mine.

I frowned for a moment, meeting her eyes again. "He said some of us were murdered."

Her face twisted with sadness. "Some of us..." She sighed. "Some of us were unable to find any of our mates and mated to another within a month; our Spirits knew it was a foul matching." Her eyes darkened. "We weren't murdered."

My breath caught in my throat.

"But, you can break a binding." My voice was weak, like a part of me knew that didn't matter.

Rosetta shook her head. "The reason it was within a month, was because that's how long a binding spell takes to be irreversible."

"A binding spell?"

She nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. "Fienna, she was one. She had found Mathias, but it was too late." Her her dipped. "By the time he was able to save her, she had been poisoned by another, marked and mated and her Spirit powers bound."

"How?" I breathed, panic rising.

"A mixing of wolfbane and-"

"Their blood." I actually stumbled into the fire this time.

Rosetta's hand moved forward, a gust of wind yanking me away, and I landed roughly in her lap, a blanket covering me to put out my tail.

"Are you okay?" She asked, raising the blanket.

I coughed from the smoke. "Nope. But, I appreciate the save." I shook my head, letting it descend my body and to my tail, jumping off her lap and sitting in front of her on the table.

She gave a tight giggle, patting me. "I always forget how cute we are. I take it you experienced the binding effects?"

I nodded. "I guess I was almost out of time." That explained why the nightmares had slowly faded and my fear of Jordon had twisted. "I'm glad I found them."

She tilted her head. "Them?"

I tilted my head back at her. "How many are we meant to know?"

She blinked. "Usually they form within cycles, two resting and one awake to find us when they sense we're awakening."

"And you knew Carter?"

She nodded. "Fienna was mated to Mathias, and Dietra to-"

"Ulric." I finished.

She gave a confused smile. "You don't know of your Foxen Spirit's past, but you know her mate's name?"

I felt a little swell of pride and....okay, it was pure cunty brat.

"I am mated to all three."

Her eyes widened. "Bitch."

I laughed, her face cracking and she laughed as well.

"I can't say I'm not jealous, but Carter and Theodore were quite a handful."

I giggled. "Mine is named Theo, no dore though," I added.

She smiled. "They, like us, often have familiar names." She gave a loving sigh, edged with dramatics. "It helps us as much as our Shifters."

We fell into silence for a moment after giggling.

Rosetta gave me a sweet smile. "Annie is just having a moment to yell at her....mates," she shook her head, her eyes widening at the thought. "I couldn't imagine facing all three, one alone was bad."

I giggled, shuffling in a shrug. "They're not so bad, especially when you get them to side with you."

She giggled. "They are currently in their own Groves of sorts."

I laughed. "Really? So they have no idea what our Shifters are arguing about?"

Rosetta shook her head, biting a s**t-eating grin. "They're just as confused as you probably." She thought for a moment. "We'll, not Carter and his form, of course." She giggled then.

"Why is that?"

"I'm hungry." She declared, making my ears flatten.

"Okay, after that." She shuffled around, getting a bowl of soup for us each from the fireplace before settling down.

"Now," she sighed happily. "It is not common as it has only developed within the last few generations, but some male Shifters receive their gifts early. When a Mountain Lion male Shifts early, it is because they are what the Goddess calls her Shadows."

I raised a brow, and she turned stern.

"You want the fun story, or I can give you the Carter cliff notes." Her look said she already knew which one I'd prefer. She practically smelled like old books.

I settled back down.

She smiled. "Shadows are not reincarnations, but specifically chosen males to form a guard for the Foxen when she bares an heir. There are a few born every generation, but few have ever ascended to the rank."

"Does that mean-"

"We don't usually live long enough?" She gave a sad sigh. "Usually hunted by another seeking to claim us, especially when found carrying a child."

I swallowed. "Why?"

She gave a sad smile. "We have only ever given birth three times. All three were Foxen, gifted with Shifting from birth."

A tear broke. "Such sweet babes, with ears and a tail of silver." She sniffed, wiping the tear. "They showed no signs of magic, but it did not stop a poisoning or two kidnappings that ended in death."

"The Shadows were designed after the last death over three hundred years ago." She looked at me then, her eyes glazing with the ethereal weight of Cordelia. "After the demise of my child, I laid waste to the Clans who harmed him. She created the Shadows, allowing them knowledge of us, so they would one day know their duty to the Goddess. A duty so many failed to do when it was purely right!"

My chest shook with sadness for her, wishing to comfort her.

"The Goddess promised we would never see such tragedy to our kind again." Her voice was as strong as diamonds, deep as the earth's core. "We have been denied for three hundred years, Rose, because of greed and lust."

"It hasn't stopped," I admitted, my own voice surprising me with its solid rumble of controlled rage.

She gave a hard scoffed smile. "I expect it never will. But, that is why I suspect the Goddess has granted you her truest powers and all three mates." Her eyes hardened. "It is time for you to stop running, Silver Fox."

"What do I need to do?" My voice held steady, but inside, I shook with unease.

I was a broken person at my core.

Scarred and damaged by pain and words.

Even with my mates, the stains on my soul were there.

A darkness that had been stamped there through years of being under a boot.

"Unveil those stains." Cordelia guided.

I narrowed my eyes at her.

She smirked.

I smirked back and did as she told me.

Like wiping a bench clean of spilt liquid, I unveiled what was beneath the stains.

Rage.

Hate.

And the strongest one, one I only found in heartbreaking fragments of my parents.

Was love.

The three things that originally destroyed me.

"Use them."

I looked up, seeing the two colours.

White and green.

"Annie is not just one part of Silvena. She is every part of her, but what you see before you," she gestured to herself. "And what you have denied Annie to access."

I wanted to argue, but I knew she was right.

Despite Annie's playful and happy nature, she was a very ruthless, vicious and cutthroat Shifter.

She was sometimes hard to control with her anger, the combat with Theo and the passion and love of my mates had helped to stem some of the rage that bubbled below her surface, but seeing people like Allison.

It was almost impossible to hold Annie back from killing her on sight.

I denied Annie because I didn't want to be the monster.

"We all made the mistake, Rose."

Looking at Cor....at me...I saw what that mistake had cost.

My life, my mates....our children.

Lives that were endangered further by my own restraints and fears to give in to the darkness that swelled within.

Scared I wouldn't find a way back.

I felt something swirl inside of me. A flash of light in the darkness of my soul.

It stayed there, floating, like a reminder.

Two more joined it and the stains vanished, a weight lifting.

Cordelia smiled.

"May you live long, Silver Fox." She rose then, bowing at me as her body enveloped in light.

I called her name but when the light vanished, she did she.

I felt breathless, but light.

Something called to me and I turned, seeing the small lights floating above me in the den.

They swirled and danced like fireflies, moving across the room until they shimmered at the doorway.

I followed them, crawling out of the den.

My breath caught and I was in my body again.

One step to the next, I was in a familiar room.

I blinked, staring at Theo and Xavier as they leaned against the desk of the back office of the soul kitchen, both had their hands pressed on the desk and their heads down.

As if they'd just been scolded by a parent.

The small room filled with their scents, and another.

I spun, seeing Dane with the same expression but his arms crossed over his bare chest.

I squeaked in relief, tears flooding.

Their eyes fell on me at the noise.

Dane's brows narrowed, a cut slicing one of them with a healing scar, he looked confused.

I leapt at him, wrapping my arms and legs around his waist. "I was so worried!"

He held me tightly, though his movements seemed surprised.

I pulled back, seeing him looking at Theo and Xavier for a moment before he looked back at me.

"Rosie?" His brow raised.

Mine narrowed. "Who else would I-" I cut myself off and looked back to Theo and Xavier. "Annie let you have it, huh?"

Xavier stood, shuddering. "She's terrifying. Especially with magic." He glanced beside him and my eyes widened at the sight of the trashcan, dented and smoking, the remnants tossed across the floor.

I laughed, looking at Xavier to see the red welt on his forehead. "She threw a trashcan at you?"

He glared at me. "It was a flaming trashcan."

I bit back a smile as I walked to him, grabbing his chin to make him lean down.

I pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'm sorry, baby. But, Annie is pissed."

Dane scoffed, shifting his weight. "She made us very aware." A small smile tugged on his lips.

I gave him a shy look. "I don't want to be left out again. She just wants to help, like I do." I met their eyes, seeing them share the same look.

Reserved acceptance.

Theo was the only one who smiled, reaching out to grab my wrist and pulling me against him. "Our training is about to get a little different."

I narrowed my brows at his mischievous expression. "There's a reason you're called Shadows, isn't there?"

He nuzzled my neck. "So. f*****g. Smart." He pressed a kiss to my neck with each word.

I giggled, rolling my eyes and stepped away from him, backing to the door.

"Now, before I go check I didn't murder Benny,"

"You didn't," Xavier smiled, putting his hands into his pockets. "Scared him, definitely. But he's in the kitchen."

I smiled, nodding. "Okay, good." I raised a finger at them. "I'm tired as hell, but you aren't off the hook. I don't care who, but I want one of you in bed tonight." They stepped forward, all of them crossing their arms at me.

A week ago, I'd have felt the need to coware.

I probably still would have if they were approaching me sexually.

But right now, I straightened, pressing my chest towards them and allowed some of Annie's allure to caress their senses.

"Don't argue with me." I raised a teasing brow, seeing the lust bloom across them as they inhaled as one, tensing. "Pick who is joining me."

Dane raised a curious brow. "And the other two?"

I raised my toes and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "Find who sent people to our house. I want to have a word."

All three growled, suddenly descending on me with lustful kissing and passionate hold.

I gave in to them, letting Dane pull me on him as he lay on the floor.

I rode him as Theo and Xavier kissed and caressed me, holding me against Dane to let him thrust with a deep savagery to sit and milk his knot until both of us climaxed.

I was pulled between Theo and Xavier.

Pinning me against their bodies, holding me up as they took me while Dane dressed and watched, kissing me when their knots entered me, to silence me as they f****d me, and I was thrown into another bliss of my mates as we unravelled together.

I passed out in their arms, waking to the interior of Dane's room in the Packhouse.

I rolled, finding him sleepily opening an eye as I shuffled.

He stroked my cheek, his hands slightly rough but warm and comforting.

"Rosa?" He whispered, his voice groggy.

I giggled softly at the nickname. "Not Rosanna?" He pulled me to his chest, his chest resting above it.

He shook his head. "I wanted to try something of my own."

My heart fluttered and I nuzzled him. "You scared me tonight," I said against his warm skin. "You told me to leave all of you, then put your shields up." My voice shook.

He sighed, his hand running across my back in half-asleep swipes. "I know. I'm sorry, I didn't want you to see..." He sighed again, his hand stopping to pull me close and hold me against him.

"Theo and I killed four unknown Shifters who broke in, there was another six waiting for us when you finally made it out."

I paled. "That's a Pack."

He nodded silently against me, letting the realisation settle in.

My mind raced, piecing moments, words and fragments from the last two weeks.

"Where'd you take the car to get fixed last?"

Dane looked down at me. "Uh, Byron's uncle owns a garage in town, all the Pack take their cars there. Why?"

That explained...

I sat up and took a deep breath, knowing what I was about to say might cause a war.

"The device was inside the air condition unit and I didn't smell anyone else inside the garage."

His eyes tightened. "You think," he stopped himself, shaking his head slightly. "You know what," sitting up then and leaning back into the bed, crossing his arms. "Annie says you're much smarter than all three of us. So, what's your theory, Rosa? What have we missed?" He gave me a smirk, confident and loving.

I sat up straighter and smiled a toothy grin that echoed of Annie. "A Wolf in sheep's clothing."

His smirk turned seductive, his eyes flashing silver, Mathias rising.

"Who am I to go to war against, for you, my Silvena?"

Annie's smile was ruthless.