Something Like Box Set

Chapter 5-3

I somehow wasn’t surprised to see the upscale address that Lucas texted, and it was easy enough to navigate downtown and get to Olive Way. The building itself was stunning, all curved lines and glass. I parked in the guest lot and headed for the front door. Because I had done as Lucas asked and sent him a text when I left my place, he was waiting for me in the lobby. His smile was broad but a little guarded as he let me in the front door.

“Hi,” he said, his voice soft. I didn’t miss the way his gaze traveled all over my face.

I smiled back. “Hi.”

We stood there for an awkward moment. Neither one of us knew exactly what to do. But then Lucas shook his head, his smile turning rueful, as he placed a hand on my back and led me through the lobby and to the elevators. The ride up was silent and we got off on the twenty-third floor.

When Lucas opened the door to his apartment, I nearly caught my breath. We entered into the kitchen, but the entire space was an open floor plan with high-end furnishings. I was drawn to the view out the window. It was gorgeous, the whole of downtown Seattle laid out before me. The sun had long ago set and everything was lit up.

“Beautiful view,” I murmured as I walked through the kitchen and into the living room. I stopped before the window, taking it all in.

“I like it.” Lucas’s voice was soft. “I’m glad you came, Aaron. I was a little afraid you wouldn’t.”

I lifted my gaze to meet his in the reflection of the glass. The worry in his eyes belied his soft smile.

“If I’m honest,” I said, keeping my voice quiet. “I came just because I wanted to know what the hell is going on. You haven’t been exactly nice to me, and I never could figure out why. Ever since I came on full-time, you’ve been avoiding me, shooting me dirty looks, and…” I trailed off and blew out a breath. “Can you please just tell me what the hell?”

Lucas’s chuckle was full of self-depreciation. He lifted a hand and rubbed the back of his neck. “You don’t pull any punches, do you?”

I turned around to face him. “The time for that is past, don’t you think? You kissed me, Lucas. Kissed me like I was the last breath of fresh air you’d ever taste. You bought me slippers. You took care of me. But we haven’t even had a conversation. Not a real one. So how about we do that now?”

For a very long, tense moment, Lucas didn’t say a word. Eventually, he blew out a breath and finally looked at me. “You want the unvarnished truth?”

My response was quick and heartfelt. “Please.”

A beat of silence and a deep breath. And then Lucas said, “I’ve wanted you from the first moment I saw you.”

I was floored by his admission. And it took me a minute to realize my jaw had fallen open. I shut it with a snap. I tried to wrap my brain around the information, but all I could manage to do was eke out a single word. “What?”

“Yeah.” Lucas’s deep blue eyes remained fixed on mine. “But I couldn’t have you, right? Because I can’t be out. If I’m out, I can kiss the career I have good-bye.”

“You’re gay?” I couldn’t stop the incredulous tone. My brain was stuck.

He c****d his head to the side and studied me like he didn’t know what to do with me. “Yes.”

“And you want me?” I sounded like an i***t, but I was still stuck. I could not fathom what he was saying.

Lucas’s smile was soft and affectionate. “Yes.”

“But you were always so cold and indifferent!” I burst out. Apparently, I had lost my filter. I shook my head and tried to get my brain back online.

“I’m sorry about that.” His tone was heartfelt. “I am. I just…I couldn’t seem to help it. There you were, so gorgeous and sweet. All I wanted to do was grab you, hold you tight. And I couldn’t.”

“I need to sit.” It was only three steps to the couch, and I sank down onto its soft surface gratefully. Holy s**t. I expected that there’d be some admission tonight, but his blatant honesty was jarring. “My father was right.”

“Pardon me?”

I gave a weak chuckle. “He seemed to think you were, uh, pulling my pigtails.”

Lucas gave a small laugh and crossed the floor to sit beside me. He wasn’t too close, but not too far away either. I could have reached out and touched him. For the moment, I kept my hands to myself.

“Well, not exactly,” he said. He slid just a fraction closer. “I wasn’t trying to get your attention by being mean. I was trying to convince you to stay away from me so I wouldn’t be tempted.”

I nodded because I could see that now. It was my turn to close a little space, and I watched Lucas suck in a breath as I did it. “So what changed?”

“I’m a jealous bastard,” he answered without hesitation. His gaze was clear and focused on me, and I could see the sincerity in his eyes. “They told us you were coming on full-time, that your character and Dan’s were going to have a relationship, and my entire world turned green.”

I grinned. I couldn’t help it. I had to appreciate the prose. “It’s not real, you know.” I kept my voice teasing and then lowered it until I was speaking in a stage whisper. “It’s just for the show.”

Lucas laughed, a deep rich sound, and I was gratified to be the one to cause it. “Yes, I know.” He was teasing me right back and that felt good. “I didn’t say I was being logical. But it pisses me off that Dan gets to kiss you and I don’t.”

“Ah.” I closed the remaining distance between us. Our knees were touching. “But you did kiss me.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, his voice dropping. He licked his lips, and my gaze tracked the motion of his tongue. God, he had a beautiful mouth.

“You want to kiss me again.” It was not a question.

He answered it anyway. “f**k yes.”

I leaned forward, ready for exactly that. Lucas mirrored my motion, but then suddenly pulled back. His gaze darted around the room, and then he stood abruptly. He started back toward the kitchen. “Are you hungry? I have dinner.”

“Lucas?” I queried softly. I didn’t move. I didn’t want to startle him any further.

“f**k,” he muttered. He blew out a breath, and his hand came up to rub at the back of his neck again. “There can’t be more kissing. I want to. God you have no idea—.” He cut himself off with a shake of his head. His eyes turned beseeching as he looked me. “Aaron. I can’t—won’t—come out. More kissing, or anything else, is a bad idea.”

The rejection seared through my veins. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. But then I made myself push those feelings aside and focus on what Lucas was actually saying. He was being a stand-up guy, trying not to string me along. He knew what his limits were, and if I were honest, I respected that he was unwilling to compromise. A different time and a different situation, and I might have felt differently. He was a leading man, and those were the roles he wanted to get. For me, with no such aspirations, I could afford to be a little bit freer with my orientation. I understood him perfectly.

“I could eat,” I said, answering his question instead of saying the million other things that were running through my brain. “You cooked?”

“I ordered,” he said. I could tell from his expression that he was relieved I’d let it go. He didn’t know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t push. Not about this. Maybe in time we’d get to know each other better. But right now, we were on shaky ground. I could be patient and see how it all worked out. Now that I knew how he felt about me, waiting was easy.

“Give me just a minute, all right?” His earnest expression made me smile, and I nodded my agreement. While he puttered around in the kitchen, I stood and once again took in the view out the window.

I knew Lucas had to make good money as the star of the show. His apartment was beyond gorgeous, and I could see the little touches that he brought to the place. A bookshelf overflowing with paperbacks from various genres, and an end table that looked handmade. A framed poster from the movie he’d shot right before he got the role on Rourke and Geary, the one that had made him a star. A small glass fish tank, maybe only a gallon or two, containing a fat orange and white goldfish. The place was both well-appointed and homey, and it felt like him.

“It’s ready, Aaron.” Lucas’s soft voice pulled my mind back to the present, and I turned to give him a smile. As I walked closer, I saw him swallow. “I got spaghetti pomodoro because I know you like it, but there’s also lasagna if you prefer. And bread and side salads.”

I c****d my head, studying him as he led me to table. It was set for two, and the food smelled delicious. I let him pull out my chair, and I sat before I asked, “How did you know I liked it?”

He gave a small self-conscious chuckle. He averted his gaze. “You ordered it that night at DeLorio’s. Did you know that your pleasure is telegraphed perfectly on your face?”

I fought a blush. “And you were watching me.”

His response was so soft, I almost missed it. “Always.”

I wanted to ask him about that, to push for more of an explanation, but I didn’t want to embarrass him, and I thought it was better to leave it alone. “The spaghetti sounds great.”

Lucas nodded. He started serving us our dishes and passing me one of the small salads and a slice of already-buttered bread. He reached for the ice bucket at the side of the table and held up a bottle of wine. “I’ve got a really nice sauvignon blanc. Crisp and tart. Maybe not the most traditional wine to serve with this meal but…” He let the sentence trail off.

I offered him a grin. “It goes well enough. I’d love a glass.” And one glass was all I would have. After dinner, I was sure I was out the door. We’d gotten things straight between us, we both knew where the other stood, and it didn’t seem to be going any further. We would have this meal, and I thought it would help the peace between us. I was hoping that, in the future, Lucas would be much warmer toward me. It’d make for a nice change.

Dinner passed with pleasant, if somewhat stilted, conversation. I was sure Lucas felt as awkward as I did. But we both made the effort. In between bites, we talked about the show, other members of the cast and crew, how we got our start in Hollywood. I learned that his first name was actually Patrick, but that his father’s was, too, and he’d been called by his middle name since birth. It was why he’d chosen it as his stage name. I told him how I’d caught the acting bug in middle school, got my degree in theater, and had visions of being a big Broadway star.

“And you got into TV how?” he asked, scooping up another small bite of lasagna.

I smiled fondly, remembering. “I was auditioning for commercials at the same time as plays, and was cast in a few before I ever landed a role on the stage. Casper Jones was at one of the shoots, looking for new talent, and approached me. He changed my life.”

Lucas nodded. “I know of Cas. He’s got a reputation as a good guy and a stellar agent. Good for you.”

I agreed. I’d been lucky when I signed with Cas. “What about you?”

He gave an easy shrug. “Familiar story. Ran away to LA to make it big the second I graduated high school. Did a lot of modeling and bit parts and a f**k-ton of waiting tables. Then I had my big break five years ago when I was cast in Polarizing Effects.” He gestured behind him to the poster on the wall. “After that, I could be a lot choosier, and when my agent sent me to the audition for the show, I knew it was where I wanted to be.”

Conversation seemed easier after that. We shared stories of our time working in the business, trying to outdo each other with horror stories or funny ones. Lucas was five years older than I was and had been working longer, so he won. But I didn’t mind. I was enjoying it. I was happy to stay right there and keep talking to him. When he tried to pour more wine, I refused. But after he cleared the dinner dishes and pulled ice cream out of the fridge for dessert, I happily accepted that.

We kept talking as we ate our rocky road. The topics turned more serious and I related how my parents reacted when I came out to them at fourteen. I confessed my thoughts that my mother still had a bit of a problem with it, that I felt like she still wanted me to eventually settle down with a nice girl, but that she was trying and that’s all I could ask for. Lucas got quiet after that and seemed intently focused on his ice cream.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. I wanted to reach out and touch him. “I didn’t mean to bring the mood down.”

“No, it’s not that.” Lucas paused and ate one bite, savoring the ice cream on his tongue before he swallowed. “Just…my parents don’t know. About me, I mean. Almost no one does. I haven’t even hooked up with a guy since the show became popular.”

I gave a low whistle. I tried to lighten the mood a little by saying, “Your hand must get quite a work out.”

He laughed, though it was slightly strained, and the smile he gave me was small but genuine. “Yeah.” He shook his head. “And I’ve had a lot of occasions to beat off in the last couple of years. I’ve had someone taunting me with his sexy smile, beautiful eyes, and amazing ass.”

Was he saying…Yeah, he was. Lucas was implying that he jacked off, thinking about me. My breath caught, and my pants got tight. Just the thought of him stroking his own c**k, the way he must look in the throes of passion, knowing he did it with me in mind, was enough to make my blood sing and pool south. I stood, not even trying to hide my stiffening c**k. I needed to go or else I would attack him.

“I should probably go.”

“s**t,” he muttered. He stood as well, taking my bowl from my hands. “I didn’t mean to make things weird.”

“You didn’t,” I admitted. “It’s hot, thinking of you like that. But that’s why I need to go, right?”

His pupils dilated, but he took a deliberate step backward. “Yeah. Right.”

He walked to the sink and placed the bowls inside, while I headed for the front door and where I had left my shoes. I slipped them on and then straightened to find him standing right in front of me. There was no mistaking the lust in his eyes, and it was all I could do not to whimper and fall to my knees. I could see the longing there as well, now that I knew to look for it. But I also knew where he stood, and I had to respect that.

My voice was barely a whisper as I repeated, “I should go.”

Lucas nodded, his gaze fixed on my mouth. “Yeah,” he said absently.

I froze. Because I didn’t want to leave, and I wanted to take him to bed. But I couldn’t be the one to make the first move. This had to be on Lucas. So I waited, all but holding my breath.

He swayed toward me.

I licked my lips.

He made a broken sound.

And then his lips were on mine and he was kissing me.