Playing With Ice

"Rayna" I snapped my head up to look at the person who constantly tried to make me happy despite me being the most emotionless person on this planet for the last six months. He looked dashing in his black Armani suit. He had chopped his hair recently and for some reason, he looked much attractive with his new hairstyle. He looked irresistible. His captivating green eyes were trained on only me, making me feel like I was the center of the universe, and yet, I couldn't feel anything. To what this man deserves to be someone like me? Should I just- Dimitri cleared his throat softly, "How was your day?" Dimitri asked, halting my train of thoughts. Once again,  obliviously stopping me from contemplating on leaving him for his own good. I tried my best to pull my facial muscles into a smile, "Uneventful" I said, my eyes flickering towards the small digital clock that was resting on my desk. My eyes widened when I realized that it is already half-past five. Which meant only one thing. I was the last one in the office. Again. I looked around me to confirm my assumption and sighed when there was no one else in the office. Immersing myself in work felt like therapy now. It was the only distraction that helps me, for now. I quickly gathered my belonging, feeling his eyes on me as I did. "We did some paperwork for the upcoming project. I hope you will like it when you review it later" I said, standing up from my chair and slung my bag over my shoulder, my eyes fixating on him again. Dimitri smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling a little, "If it is from you then I doubt if I won't be satisfied with it" He said as I made my way towards him, "You always made sure everything was perfect" He added taking my hand in his and walking with me out of the office. Normally I wouldn't say anything in return at that, "You are being too nice today" I blurted out randomly, surprising not only myself but him as well. I wasn't the one who kept the conversation going. Well, not anymore. From the corners of my eyes, I saw him glance at me in disbelief. It only took him a split second to mask his expression, "I was wondering if you would go on a date with me tonight?" He asked me smoothly. He must have thought that I was in a good mood, "I heard that there is a new restaurant in town and I thought maybe we can go-" "I am tired," I said, interrupting him abruptly, "Maybe next time?" I added quickly, noticing his crestfallen face. Did I sound harsh? Did I hurt him again? The words sounded sharp even though I didn't intend them to be. "Okay," Dimitri said and I glanced at him just in time to see him slumping his shoulders in defeat. Instantly, I felt a pang of regret in my heart."I am sorry, Dimitri-" I started but I never got the chance to finish my sentence as Dimitri started to shake his head, making the words in my throat die. Now I know for sure that I had royally messed this up. I expected him to throw some harsh words my way but then I was ashamed at myself for thinking so lowly of him, "There is no reason to apologize. You had a long day and I knew that" Dimitri smiled again but my chest constricted at the pain that was swirling in his eyes, "Alright then, I have to go somewhere anyway. See you tonight. Tell Mindy I said hi" He said once we reached Mindy's car. I looked up at him, feeling tremendous guilt creeping into my veins. I watched him as he leaned towards me, pressing his soft lips against my forehead and lingering for a few seconds before pulling away from me. Without another word, he turned on his heel and walked away from me. I watched him, my throat felt swollen as he walked away. I wanted to watch him until he completely disappeared from the line of my sight but a honk from Mindy's car made me jump a little, tearing my gaze away from his retreating figure. Mindy waves from the driver's seat, signaling for me to get in. I sighed and looked in the direction where Dimitri strode off only to find no one there. Shaking my head to myself, I got into the car and snapped my seat belt securely. "How was your day?" I asked Mindy politely, turning my head to look at her. Mindy scowled at me making my eyebrows pull together in confusion. I was sure I sounded polite then why she appeared to be mad at me?"You look like crap" She hissed, shaking her head before changing the gears, "Want to watch a movie?" She asked, starting the drive. "No" I answered her without missing a beat. I didn't even spend a second to consider her suggestion. A frustrated noise escaped from the back of Mindy's throat, "Oh come on, it's Saturday night" She snapped, "Live a little" She glared at the road. How do I tell her I forgot how to live anymore? I bit my lower lip, my thoughts going back to Dimitri. How his face scrunched up when I declined another date, "Dimitri asked me to go out with him tonight" I trailed, guilt overwhelming me. Mindy smiled, glancing at me for a split second before looking at the road again, "Oh, then I would understand if you can't join-" "I said I wouldn't go-" The next second, I felt my body jerk forward and if I wasn't wearing that seat belt right now, I was sure I would have crashed against the windshield and probably end up in a crumpled form on the road. I looked at Mindy, knowing she was the one who slammed her foot on the brakes harshly. Her eyes held fire in them as she glared mercilessly at me, "Are you f*****g serious, Rayna? Why would you do that?!" She thundered, her nose flaring in rage. I sighed, "I just didn't feel like going out," I said in a small voice. Mindy grumbled something under her breath and started to drive again, "When was the last time you went out with Dimitri again?" She asked after a few seconds of painful silence. It was hard not to flinch away from the tone she was using at me. It almost sounded accusing. "I am always with him-" Mindy slammed on the brake again and I glared at her when I felt my body jerk forward again. I wondered who gave her a driving license in the first place, "As in as a date?" She screeched, returning my scowl with her own. That question did throw me off guard. I started to wreck my head, trying to remember the last time I went out on a date with Dimitri. I opened my mouth to say something and when I realized it has been months since I went out, I closed my mouth again, clamping my lips together into a thin line. Mindy sucked in a sharp breath, "Yeah, I thought so. You are making this hard not for yourself but for him as well" She sneered at me, shaking her head and getting out of the car after killing the engine. I sat there in the passenger seat, feeling like someone had thrown a bucket of ice-cold water all over me. Her words hit me hard and my heart twisted painfully against my chest, agreeing with what she said. She did have a point. All this time, I was only thinking about myself and all the profound sorrow that I was feeling that I had failed to give Dimitri the attention that he deserved. But at the same time, I couldn't bring myself to be happy,"I can't- you don't understand, Mindy" I started, words tumbling out from my mouth and it is only after a few seconds I realized that Mindy has already left the car, probably five minutes ago. Mumbling to myself, I undid the seatbelt and sauntered into the house, tightening my grasp around the strap of my bag. I saw Mindy sprawled on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling, her chest rising up and down."I can't understand myself. I don't know why I am like this. I don't know why it is so hard for me to be happy" I said, sauntering towards her. Mindy let out a sigh and pulled herself into a sitting position. Her eyes met mine and they immediately softened visibly, "I am sorry. I was out of the line" She said, looking ashamed now, "I understand that you went through some s**t and you're greatly affected by it by its hard to see you looking lifeless like that. I just want you to be happy" She continued, avoiding my eyes as if she committed a crime. For the first time in many months, I felt my lips quirk upwards into a small smile, "I know" I said, "And I appreciate it, Mindy. I really do" I went on, going to sit next to her. She inched away, giving me some space. How can I not? Even after moving in with Dimitri, Mindy lets me come over to sulk around this house. I don't know why but being in here, for some time after work makes me feel better. Dimitri wasn't pleased with this arrangement but he didn't object to it either. Every day, I would come to Mindy's house and spend one or two hours here before Dimitri comes in to fetch me to take me to his house. There, we will have a quiet dinner and then, go to sleep right away. Well, I would go to sleep right away. I don't really know when Dimitri would climb to the bed... We never even had a real conversation in six months. "Good," Mindy said, gaining my attention again. "I think I am going to take a shower  When Dimitri will be picking you up?" She asked, even though she knew that Dimitri would be here in a couple of hours. I smiled, "Usual time" I answered her. Mindy nodded her head thoughtfully and sprang to her feet before disappearing into her room. I sighed and opened my laptop to finish off the paperwork that I was working on. But I couldn't focus on anything. My mind became a mess again and I found myself staring at the blank document for a couple of minutes. Should I just allow myself to go out tonight? Not for my sake but for Dimitri's? Gnawing my lower lip, I looked down at my phone and debated if I should call him and agree to go out with him tonight. I do not have anything to do tomorrow anyway. Maybe if I go out with him, the change of atmosphere would do some good for my broken heart or something. Before I could change my mind, I grabbed my phone and dialed his number, my heart racing against my chest as if I was calling him for the very first time. Dimitri didn't make me wait for long. He picked up in the first ring, "Is something wrong?" He demanded, sounding alarmed. I blinked. That is not how one should greet when someone calls them, isn't it?"Why would you ask that?" Dimitri didn't answer my question right away. A few fleeting seconds passed and I could hear some rustling from the other end of the line, "Nothing" He breathed, "What's up?" He asked me, in a much-composed tone. Now, it was my turn to fall silent, "Rayna, are you there?" I heard him ask when I stayed mute. Now or never, I thought to myself."I think I want to try out that new restaurant" I said, clearing my throat a little in a vain attempt to sound nonchalant. Again, there was a few seconds of painful silence. "Get ready, I will be there soon," He said when I was about to ask if he was having second thoughts. I nodded my head, momentarily forgetting that he couldn't see me now, "Thank you, Rayna" He added before the line went dead. I know for sure that he was smiling when he said that and thus, I smiled as well. Genuinely, this time.