misunderstood darkness

I can't live without love and trust, but at the same time love and trust are killing me from within.I want to talk, but my mind is too cynical for the world and the people in it.I want to act, but my trauma makes my actions look and feel cruel to others.I want to be loved, but the real me feels too hard to love.I wanted to heal, but the belief that I would fall into the same dark black hole and fight the same battle made me believe that healing was not the only way.