TOXIC ATTRACTION

That morning, the fateful morning of my wedding, I sat in my bed crying tears that I could no longer hold back after realizing that my reality was now staring me in the face. My mother Cleopatra sat on a chair besides my bed watching me and wiping the tears from her eyes not knowing how to comfort me because even to her, the situation was unbearable. She took my hand in hers and i pulled it back. I looked at her, my face bathed with tears and she shook her head in despair. My biggest nightmare had now become my reality and fear of the unknown had crept in. I had dreamed of a perfect wedding with the love of my life Davis but this, this was not it. I looked at my mum and she seemed heartbroken, she wanted to hold me in her arms but i was so mad at her and him too. My father, how could he decide what he thought was right for me, what about the man i chose, what about Davis? The make up artist stood there watching me cry, she didn't know what to do but she could tell i was in pain. My mother Cleopatra got up from her chair and sat beside me on the bed. She forcefully hugged me and i broke down in her arms Me: you didn't want me this much that you would allow dad to make a deal with Richard, a man who cannot take care of himself or both of us? Cleopatra: I didn't. I wasn't part of the deal my child.. your father.... Me: my father is marrying me off to a man that will depend on me for the rest of his life, how could he? I asked blowing my nose and all along I had tried to remain sane. I didn't know Richard too well and i had not agreed to marry him either. How could my mother not raise her voice and stop my father from marrying me off to a disabled man, what was the deal and why wasn't I allowed to choose a husband for myself? Cleopatra: Robina my child, there are things you can never understand until you are old enough. Me: am i not, I'm 22years and last time i checked, the passcode to becoming an adult was 18. I'm not a ball that you and Dad can pass around to anyone you like. That man does not even have money so I wouldn't say you did it for money, tell me mama, what made dad sell me off to that family? She looked at me blankly with no response and when my questions had become too hard for her to answer, she got up and picked her purse from the dressing table and stood behind the chair she was seated on. I raised my bathed face to meet her gaze and she wiped off her tears. Cleopatra: i couldn't go against your father because I'm his wife and its my duty to respect him and his decisions. All i can tell you is that you go to the Banda's and make a good wife. I taught you well and I would have wanted to see you end up with the man of your choice but my hands are tied. Maybe someday you will understand why your father made that decision. I will let you get your make up done, you don't want to be late for your wedding.. She put her hand on my shoulder and said she was sorry before she walked out. The make up lady walked up to me and started setting up her make up kit but before she could do anything, there was a knock on the door. She looked at me wondering if i wanted to allow anyone in but before whoever was knocking could be let in the door opened and my father Mr. Ronald Walked in with a not so happy look on his face. He asked the make up lady to excuse us and her attempts to deny him a chance to talk to me failed. The lady knew i wasn't a happy bride and she knew letting my father in would not make the situation any better given everything she had heard. Ronald: it will only take a minute. I must speak to my little girl before her wedding because after today, she will be a Mrs... And not my little girl anymore. The lady forced a smile and walked out. My father walked right up to me but i couldn't bring myself to look at him because i was so angry that day that i would have committed a crime and ended up in jail instead. Ronald: what did you discuss with your mother, she looked pretty upset when she stepped out of this place. Me: is that all you care about, who are you really... Oh wait, you are a monster. Ronald: don't talk to me like that. I still do wear belts you know. Me: typical you. When did you ever sit me down and have a conversation with me, do you care about my feelings at all? With you, it has always been your way or the belt. What are you even doing in here? Ronald: i had to make sure you won't run away because there will be consequences if you dare. I know how your little head works and I just had to come here and give you a warning. Richard is a good man and he will take care of you. Now you show up out there and be the happiest bride you can be because there will be cameras and people watching. You will not be the first one to marry a cripple.or someone you don't love. Its all for the greater good With those words, he left and i was left with a fire burning inside of me. Wedding days were supposed to be beautiful full of sunshine, laughter and lots of love but this day was the worst day of my life. I wanted to die that day and i thought of every possible reason on why I had to be alive and luckily i had one. One reason that would cloud my mind and make me go out there and be the bride i was expected to be. I got out of bed and washed my face then stared at myself in the mirror and breathed out. I tried convincing myself that i was going to be okay but my heart could not agree with my mind. The make up artist came back in and we immediately started on my makeup. The make up lady looked young despite her telling me that she had three kids. Her name was Mercy. She kept telling me stories of her experience with brides on the weddings she had been attending and she assured me that i would be just fine. Did she even know the hell i was going through?.. it didn't matter but her warm smile and comforting talks made me ease up. One hour later i was done and the wedding ceremony had began. People came in large numbers and for a moment I froze when I started walking down the isle. My mother held my hand on one side and my father the other and as people cheered me on, I saw two of my friends laughing and 'hi-fiving" and that's when it dawned on me that I was going go be the one pushing Richard around, appearing with him in public, introducing him to people as my husband, taking him to the washroom and carrying him up the toilet sit, I was going to literally be his maid. By the time my mind had finished processing all that, I heard the pastor ask who was giving the woman to be married to the man besides him. My father said he was and when Richard was asked to take my hand, he rolled his wheelchair towards me but before be could take my hand, I fainted and dropped right before him, everything went dark. "Call an ambulance.... Anyone please!" The pastor called as he got down from the pulpit and joined Richard's best man Mark who was trying to help. Ronald: no ambulance, these are just theatrics and she's putting on a show. This wedding has to happen. Give it a minute. He said signaling the best man who had carried me in his arms and took me to the waiting area in the church. My mother and Richard's mother had followed us. I felt a cold breeze and when i opened my eyes someone was sprinkling ice cold water on my face as my mother fanned me with a fan that one of the maids had been holding, they all had fans except me who had a bouquet of flowers. Cleopatra: Robina.. are you okay? She asked with alot of worry in her voice and fear was written all over her face. Mark: she should be..the doctor is on his way here. Me: I don't need a doctor. I'm fine. My mother gave me a look that somehow suggested that she thought I was acting so that I could not marry Richard. Cleopatra: you scared us. Richard's mother sat besides me holding my hand but did not utter a word. She knew I was not happy marrying her son and I could not even begin to imagine what was going on in her head. Mark got up and walked to the door and opened it allowing the doctor in. Dr. Francis was his name, I did not know where he had come from, maybe he was an attendee of the church but after he did a check up on me.. he asked everyone to give us a minute and they all stepped out. Dr.francis: how are you feeling now? Me: I'm fine. I don't know why i fainted. It has not happened before. Dr.Francis: you seem to be under alot of stress and that's something that is not good for you or the baby. Me: what baby? I asked shocked and held my stomach then looked at him waiting for clarification. I was not pregnant, no..that had to be the biggest joke but was it?. Dr.francis: you didn't know? I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn't be pregnant for him. No way! Dr.francis: when you get home you should do another test even though i know what I'm saying. Me: please, don't mention this to anyone, not my mum or anyone at all. I have to process all these first before i break the news to them. Please.. Dr.francis: I can't disclose that information to anyone because its between a patient and her doctor not unless I think you can harm yourself. Your secret is safe.. He got up and told me to visit his hospital after the wedding and I nodded as I watched him open the door and step out. I took a deep breath and tried to act normal but it was hard. Mark said we needed to go back inside and after double checking that i was fine, i went back to continue with the wedding ceremony half worried of what the doctor had just confirmed. That evening after the wedding, Richard and i checked into a hotel for the night and my wifey duties had just began. I hated the thought of going to a honeymoon and i hated the fact that i was going to share a bed with him that night and the rest of the nights to come. Richard: come here and help me with these buttons. He said calmly sitting on his wheelchair in the middle of the room. I tied my rob and then went to him and started unbuttoning his shirt. He grabbed both of my arms and pressed them digging his nails inside my skin and i groaned in pain trying to pull my arms off but his grip was tight. Richard: how dare you embarrass me like that Infront of my friends and family, what did you think... That the little stunt would stop us from getting married? Me: let go you are hurting me. He squeezed my arms even tighter. Richard: you are my wife now and that means you have to get used to my condition. You cheat on me, i will kill you. You think of running away, i will find you. Your father owes my family and you are the price he paid for whatever damage he caused my family. You are stuck with me untill one of us dies.. He pushed me off and i staggered before landing on the floor. I raised my face to look at him and the look on his face was murderous. He meant everything he said and he wasn't joking when he said he would kill me. He had it in him and the impression i got was that it was not his first time. He was a ruthless man even on his wheelchair. How did I end up in this mess?.. my name is Robina and this is the story of my journey into finding love..