A second chance? Back to the Past
1554 Words
She woke up to the sound of chirping birds and the warmth of golden sunlight on her eyes. Twisting around in her silk sheets for a few minutes more, Ayana opened her eyes to the ceiling of a very familiar room.
Something was not right but she could not put a finger on it.
She climbed out of the bed and noted how weirdly difficult it was before walking to the massive windows of her room and peering out of them, an exhaled relief escaped her lips at sight of her mother’s, the late Queen’s, precious gardens. Even though her mother had been long gone, the people of the Rose palace still adored the things she had left behind and devoted themselves to look after.
Something flipped inside her stomach and before she knew what she was doing, she dashed back to her bed, pulling the drawers of her bedside dressers open, grabbed the silver key and twisted open the hidden chamber. And there it was, her mother’s dagger, an eerie white glow surrounding it.
And suddenly, it all rushed back in.
Ayana dropped to her knees and gripped her hair, a scream lodged in her throat, writhing to escape as the awful memories rushed inside her head like a swarm of angry stinging bees.
One of her hands clutched the front of her dress, over where she had stabbed herself in those last moments. Her arms still remembered the weight of Ryan’s lifeless body. All the despair, of years and years of struggle for survival and every fight to preserve that last shred of dignity made a pained cry escape her lips.
“Princess Ayana? Your Highness? Is everything alright? I’m entering. Please forgive me.”
She vaguely remembered the voice but could not bring herself to reply. Even breathing had become difficult.
“Your highness-! Oh my God, Princess! Princess! What is wrong?”
Suddenly there were warm hands prying the painful grip on her hair as she was pulled into a soft and beautifully familiar embrace.
“It is alright. You are okay, okay, Princess. You’re safe.” The soothing voice settled over her like a warm blanket as she was cradled back and forth and slowly, her vision was cleared off when the tears as they slid down her cheeks.
The person holding her to their chest, she remembered, was one of her most beloved ones.
“Martha?”
Her small broken voice echoed inside the massive room as the reality settled in.
Martha was alive. And she was cradling Ayana as if she was a child. Now that the hysteria of the situation subsided, she noticed how tiny her body seemed to be. She knew it was an utterly ridiculous idea floating in her head but the gently smiling face of a young Martha was agreeing with it.
Had she travelled back in the past?
Reincarnated in her own body with the memories of a previous life? Or was it all just a painful and elaborate nightmare? Martha brushed her hair aside gently and dropped a kiss on her forehead before gently depositing her on the bed again. Ayana allowed herself to be dropped on bed but could not bring herself to let go of Martha’s sleeve. It was embarrassing for her, but still she wanted Martha to hold her close as if she was just a helpless and pitiful child. But instead of pulling away, Martha kneeled in front of her, a faint but comforting smile on her lips.
“Did you have a nightmare, Princess?”
Ayana gave her a nod.
“Do you want some water?”
Another nod.
“Could you please let go of my sleeve so I could get you some?”
Ayana shook her head in negation.
She wondered if Martha would get angry but instead Martha gathered Ayana in her arms and made her sit on her lap.
“It will be alright. Everything will be alright.”
Martha whispered in her ear and Ayana felt a fresh wave of tears threatening to drop down her eyes. How long she had wanted to hear those words from someone, anyone. She buried her face in Martha’s chest in a futile attempt to block her tears as the woman rubbed her back.
“May I call Risa to get you some water?”
At her affirmative reply, Martha summoned her personal maid. Risa had been another grounding rock in her former life.
By the time she had controlled her emotions to finally glance up, Risa was already offering her water, big black eyes brimming with worry and Ayana offered her a small smile to ease. Risa looked so awfully young. But no change in Risa’s expression showed that it probably looked more like a grimace.
Ayana spent the rest of the day in her chambers wallowing, wondering if this was another kind of nightmare. The one in which she was shown all the things she desired instead of burning castles and rivers of blood.
Martha and Risa did not force her to talk after the first attempt and she was incredibly grateful for that. She did not think she could still maintain her sanity if she was forced to relive and remember all of those horrendous memories so soon. And she was honest enough to admit that she loved the fact that they were fussing over her.
By the time evening fell over, she had finally gained enough energy to drag herself to the mirror.
She found herself staring at the image of a child. An awfully young child. Not the broken twenty six year old she was supposed to be. The little girl in front of her seemed to be no older than ten. If this was really a time rewind, then she had probably travelled back in the past by at least sixteen years.
But what did this mean for her?
One thing she was sure of, that she was never going to live that life again. She had time. She was given to the Emperor when she was nineteen and had been forced to live as the Emperor’s concubine for the past seven years of her life.
She wanted to save herself from that wretched fate. She wanted to save Ryan too. Oh god, Ryan would be eleven years old now. She cannot condemn him to that fate. And not only Ryan, there were several many people who had to be saved. Martha and Risa too.
Martha was a widow to the former Count Lissen before her son had inherited the title but she had graciously agreed to play the role of both her governess and nanny after the Queen had passed away from her sickness.
Back in the past, Martha and her son had vehemently objected against her being sent to the Emperor and as a result, Count Lissen had been demoted to Baron. And when Ayana was sixteen, Risa had been executed on the grounds of trying to harm Duchess Levita which, as far as she knew, was a baseless rumor. One thing Ayana knew for sure was the battle she was about to fight for her fate was going to be long and arduous. And she could not win this alone.
She needed allies.
And she knew just the person to reach out to.
The only person who could guide her now, was the most powerful woman in the entire kingdom.
When Martha and Risa arrived with her dinner in the evening, Ayana instructed, “Martha, please send a message to Duchess Evanti that I’d like to visit and stay with her for a while.”
“Oh, that is surprising. His Majesty’s birthday is coming up in four months. Do you not wish to be involved in the festivities?”
Ayana shook her head. “There are still four months till father’s birthday. And I’d really like to visit Aunt Daphne soon.”
“As you wish, your highness. I’ll send a message to the Duchess immediately.”
As they excused themselves and were about to leave the room Ayana blurted for them to stop.
“Is something wrong, your highness? Perhaps you’d like to eat something light?”
“No, everything is fine!” Ayana hesitated for a moment, “I-I just want to thank you for everything you have done for me. I know I’ve never said this before but I am thankful to both of you, Martha and Risa.”
“Oh Princess!” Risa suddenly sobbed at her words startling Ayana. Even Martha dabbed her cheeks.
“Princess Ayana, we are honoured to be serving you. There is not much I can say, but I know that both me and Risa, we will always be by your side.” Martha smiled and Risa nodded in agreement and the absolute adoration in their gazes made warmth bloom in her chest. And all of it strengthened her resolve to survive whatever was supposed to come on their way.
She promised herself, for Ryan, and for Martha and Risa that she was going to change destiny. No matter what it takes.
- Writer
