Healer's Bane

Prologue Savannah It all starts and ends with blood. Every time I sleep, every nightmare is a conglomeration of the most horrific experiences of my life, compiled together and playing on repeat. In my eighteen years, I’ve experienced enough sh*t to make my high priestess, Hyacinth, wince, and she’s been alive for the better part of a century, has lived through several genocides that targeted our kind, and is possibly the single most powerful witch currently walking this planet. Sleeping for three days after channeling some serious celestial magic to bring back to life our newest coven member, Amira, meant seventy-two hours of nonstop horror reels while my body and magic recovered. By the time I finally manage to claw my way out of the nightmares and into reality, I feel like I’ve been freshly re-traumatized and am ready to never sleep again. Maddy, my closest friend, confidant, and the only witch in the coven tolerant enough to live in the bedroom with a connecting doorway to mine, is very accustomed to my episodes and is ready with a cup of tea when I scream my way back to consciousness. She sits on the end of my queen-sized bed that’s drowning in blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals—all mementos of comfort that help calm me when I’ve had a particularly long, and therefore difficult, sleep. Maddy watches as I go through my usual routine of snapping my way to a sitting position while cutting off mid-scream, reminding myself that I’m now awake and therefore safe, reaching for my pillow to hug to my chest, and then taking several moments to calm my breathing from a sprinters pace to something resembling normal. Once the worst of my shaking has subsided and I’m more grounded, starting to acclimate to the present rather than my past, she reaches out to hand me the potent mug of herbal tea she holds. It’s the same tea I’d bring to her when she first joined our coven six years ago and was battling her own demons in the form of nightmares. It’s made of a combination of calming herbs meant to center the mind that, when working together with a simple spell, are very helpful in chasing away remnants of night terrors. The difference between us is she managed to shake her night terrors in a matter of months, while mine are stamped into my brain, courtesy of an evil, evil being who won’t allow me to forget or move on. “You can’t go on like this, Sav,” Maddy says with a sigh, forehead wrinkled and brows drawn together in concern. “It’s been two years. I’ve listened to your screams every few days when consciousness fails you and you pass out for two years, ever since that night. There has to be something that can help you sleep without dreaming.” I cradle my cup of tea closer to my chest, letting the warmth seep through the thin material of my tank top and warm me. “It’s not exactly a choice, Mads. He doesn’t want me to forget. He thinks this is the best way to break me… to make me go dark, get lost to evil, like he did.” Maddy shakes her head sadly. “He’s a god who’s lost his followers, worshippers, and most of his power. He only chose you as a snub to Hecate, who also chose you at birth.” I lift a shoulder weakly. “Being god touched by two warring deities doesn’t exactly make for a simple life. Hecate favored me because I showed great power at birth, as for him… well, he sees me as the conduit to put him back at the top of the hierarchy of gods. If I succumb to his games, play into his evil, he’ll have won, and others in their hierarchy will take notice and potentially flock to him. If I continue as I am, Hecate stays the victor, and that’s how it has to be.” Maddy’s expression turns sad. “It means you’ll always be in a war against yourself, though. You’ll never have a good night’s sleep, never get any peace.” I know that all too well. For the last two years, since the night he made clear that me having a simple, normal life was not a possibility, I’ve been living in a shadow-state reminiscent of a constant nightmare. I do my best to stay upbeat and positive, to keep my problems to myself and only confide in those who have to know for the sake of the safety of my coven, but… my past takes its toll. The nightmares take their toll; I’ve become afraid of sleeping, which is very inconvenient for a coven healer who sleeps for days at a time when expending too much energy to help someone, which I’m prone to doing. The only time when I’m not burdened by my demons, both from within and without, is when I’m doing what I was made to do; healing and helping others. The unfortunate flipside of being a healer is that, though there are very few problems—physical or mental—that I can’t fix in others, I also can’t use my powers to help myself. I let out a small, humorless laugh. “The purpose of healers is to deliver healing and peace unto others, not necessarily to get any ourselves. That’s the paradox of people like me.” Maddy shifts forward on my bed, reaching out to take my hand in hers. “But if you find your mate, he would chase away the evil. You’d be able to sleep, know peace, survive—” I cut her off, “No. You know what he did to the last male I got intimate with. That was a boyfriend; what do you think he’d do to my mate?” Maddy winces, then throws her hand up in a hapless gesture. “There must be something! You’re literally the sweetest, lightest, kindest person any of us have ever met, and you’re the one who gets burdened with the darkest sh*t out there, chased by the darkest deity in existence. How is that fair?” I let out a long breath. “Life isn’t fair, Mads. He chose me not only because I’m Hecate’s favored, but also because he thought a healer would be easy to break, easy to turn to his side. My price for proving him wrong is living in a state of torment. Better me, who can handle it, than another witch who would give in… and very possibly bring about the apocalypse in doing so.” Maddy lets out a groan of frustration. She’s been lamenting my fate for far longer than I have; I accepted that my life would be difficult not long after he showed me I’d never achieve happiness, whereas my closest friend is still determined to find something better for me. “Hecate locked him up after that night, Sav. He can’t get to you or anyone you’re with anymore. You’ve f*cked guys in the last two years, and they haven’t wound up dead.” I wince at her bluntness. “I’ve also kept my activities to one-night stands. If he thinks I’m going steady with someone, he’ll find a way to kill them. Even locked up, he still has followers scattered around earth, minions to do his dirty work. Besides, we both know Hecate’s bindings won’t last forever. Eventually, he’ll free himself, and when he does… gods help us all.” I give my head a firm shake, clearing the thought of future existential crises from my thoughts. I’ll face the problems when they come; I try not to let myself be tortured in my waking hours as much as I am in my sleeping ones. I say, “I’m going to go take a shower. Does the coven have anything on the docket for today?” Maddy nods, not looking as pleased with shifting topics as I’d hoped she might be. “Yeah. Amira’s coming over to work on controlling her power.” I can’t help but tense ever so slightly. Amira’s presence sometimes brings with it the appearance of two of her pack members, Jason and Derick, or as my coven has dubbed them, hot and hotter. They’re twins, devastatingly s*xy, and so very tempting I’ve resolved to avoid them altogether. While one-night-stands usually don’t present a problem, I have a feeling if I end up in bed with either of them, or even both, one night won’t cut it. Then, they’ll end up the same way my last boyfriend did; drowning in a puddle of his blood at the hands of the enraged god who refuses to leave me alone: Cronus.