Hawk

8 - Who upset you?

Brooke

Hawk was not in a good mood when he returned from wherever he’d been with some of the others. I could see the anger written all over his handsome face as he marched toward me.

I was worried for a moment because he looked set to kill. He snatched Gabriel from my arms and walked away from me, leaving me with an awful feeling of dread within me.

Had I done something wrong?

Was he thinking about the past?

Was he finally letting the anger in about me leaving?

Was it about what I did to bring Gabriel here?

Was it what my father planned to do by giving our son away?

I had no idea. I still have no idea. I don’t like the thought of Hawk being angry with me. I don’t want those horrible thoughts in his head. I know we need to talk. I will not let things fester because it will only create resentment, and I do not want that.

I make my excuses to leave the party to find Dante. I need to find out what’s wrong. I can talk to Hawk, but I must also speak with Dante. Hawk and Dante might be the same man physically, but I sometimes wonder if Dante is just a personality belonging to Hawk, and I don’t know which one is more dangerous.

He's in our room; the door is ajar. I can see him gently stroking Gabriel’s head as he rocks him gently in the rocking chair Jack bought for me to nurse the baby in.

I smile because seeing my little boy in his daddy’s arms is so sweet. This is what I wanted for Gabriel. Even if Hawk decided he no longer wanted to be with me, Gabriel deserved to have his father in his life. Every child deserves both parents where possible. I may have had terrible parents, but Gabriel has the best there is, even if I am blowing my own trumpet. I will give my all to my son; no one will ever come before him. I know it’s the same for Hawk. I can also see how much Hawk loves Gabriel, and it warms my heart.

“There are some things in this life that you should never be subjected to, Gabriel. Things that you will be subjected to, things I can't protect you from.”

I listen intently. Something is wrong; Hawk sounds so sad when he speaks.

What the hell happened in the time he was parted from me?

“There are people in this world who see nothin' but their own skin color. No matter how light in color you are, your skin will be brown like mine, and people will hurt you with words because of that. They will because they see nothing but who they are. Then there are people like your mother, people who see only people.”

I don't understand what's wrong.

Has someone said something to Hawk about the color of his skin?

No one here would ever be racist towards him. Everyone loves him. There is nothing wrong with the color of Hawk's skin. God, he's so beautiful. Only an idio.t would believe otherwise.

Why is the color of someone’s skin such a big problem for people?

“Racist bigots never bothered me in the past. Well, after I left childhood because, it really bothered me then. People would save vile things to me and about your grandmother. I could take what they said about me, but my mom did not deserve the things people said about her. You will soon learn how amazing your grandma is, Gabriel.”

My heart breaks for the things Hawk suffered as a child. All those horrible things people said to him at school. All those children who hurt him with their words. No parent wants to find their child crying because those who should have befriended them hurt them instead. I will teach Gabriel that every child, regardless of color, race, religion, or disability, is just as precious as he is. I want my son to be understanding and kind to others, just as he should expect the same.

“But I soon learned you cannot change the mindset of those who don’t see anything but themselves. It didn’t even bother me when the racist old bastard that fathered your mother said those things to me all those months ago. However, today, I finally understood how much it hurt my father when people said things to my mother, brother, and me. When that son of a bitc.h called you... I wanted to kill him, Gabriel.”

My heart is breaking. The utter sadness in Hawk’s voice is killing me.

Who has said whatever it was about my baby and hurt the man I love like this?

“There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Gabriel. Nothin’. Your mother and you...” His voice trails off.

My lower lip quivers, and I wipe the tear that’s fallen from my eye away from my cheek. Quietly, I walk into the room, closing the door behind me. Hawk knows I’m here. He can sense me, but he says nothing. He doesn’t even look at me; he keeps his eyes on Gabriel.

I crouch down in front of him, one hand on Gabriel’s head, the other taking Hawk’s hand. I kiss his knuckles and hold his hand against my chest.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? You were so happy before you left with the others. What made you so sad?”

“He’s gonna have to endure everything I did. All those names, those racist slurs.”

So, that’s what’s wrong. Hawk isn’t angry with me; he’s worried for our little boy. It was obvious from what Hawk was saying, but the clarification hurts.

It’s clear that Gabriel is going to take after his father for the color of his skin. He’ll be darker than me, but most people are. I don’t want Gabriel to suffer racism either, and perhaps he won’t; not everybody does. But Hawk did when he was a little boy, and it hurts my heart.

“Dante, look at me.” He does. “We will teach Gabriel how to deal with racism and what to do if he ever encounters such a vile thing. We will teach him right from wrong. We will teach him to see every single person as his equal. We will teach him that the color of someone’s skin does not make them different from him. Our choices are what make us different. Our son has been born into the most wonderful family. Your family.”

Hawk’s eyes are on me as I stroke his cheek with my free hand.

“I have loved you for a very long time. I loved you from the moment I met you, and I never stopped, even for a second. Nothing my father ever told me about you made a difference to the way I loved you. Not even after you walked away and he got even worse. I kept our love alive in my heart.

“You are my world, Dante.” He blinks only once like he can't take in what I'm telling him; even though I know he believes me, he feels it too. “You could be the color red, and I would still love you. I am so proud that you are the father of my child. I love your mother, your father, your brother, and your grandparents.”

He chuckles.

Hawk’s mother’s parents were so wonderful to me. I only met them a handful of times, but I fell in love with them a little more each time we met.

“Gabriel is going to know his Jamaican heritage. Leroy will certainly tell him.”

Hawk smiles at that. Leroy is his grandfather, a fantastic man with a huge heart. I know he’s going to love Gabriel so much.

“I want this little boy to know just who he is and that he has the right to be proud of where he came from, and he will be so proud to call you his father.”

“I love you. Do you know that?”

I blink. “You still love me?”

Hawk tugs on my hand, pulling me onto his lap. I keep my hand on Gabriel’s head while resting my forehead against Hawk’s temple.

“I never stopped loving you, baby.” His arm tightens around my waist, pulling me closer. “The day I met you, everything in me changed. When I lost you, I lost myself. I’m finding myself again, Brooke,” He looks me dead in the eye. “This little boy is the best gift you could’ve given me.”

I smile at that.

He clasps the back of my neck, bringing my mouth against his, but not quite touching. “I love you, Brooke Webster. Always have, always will.”

“I hate that name,” I mumble.

I hate it because it reminds me of the man who made my life hell for so long. It also makes me more aware of the fact that I don’t have the same name as my son. Probably sounds pathetic, but I don’t want my son to be known by a different name.

“Then we’ll change it.” Hawk’s voice is low, but I smile right before he kisses me. It feels like coming home. God, I’ve missed kissing him.

This is my very own family right here. Gabriel might not have been planned, but both his mommy and daddy love him so much, and the Lord knows how much I love both of them.