Sweet Beginnings

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER ONE

On an overcast day in May, Josh Cooper stood at Jenny Hanford’s front door. He kept his arms pressed against his sides rather than raising his hand to the doorbell. He might be thirty-two and a well-known football commentator, but he felt more like a fourteen-year-old high school freshman with zero confidence.

Forget being nervous. He’d passed that stage two hours ago, and he was on the verge of losing it.

Your fault.

That didn’t make being here easier.

The pounding of his heart sounded like a death knell. Not surprising given he hadn’t spoken to Jenny Hanford, a former classmate from Berry Lake High School, since their epic disaster of a first, and last, date at Brew & Steep, a local coffee shop, in July.

You have the right to remain silent…

Being arrested for disorderly conduct seemed like forever ago, but only ten months had passed. Ten months that had seen Jenny’s life change. Ten months of trying to keep himself from losing… everything.

Stop procrastinating.

Even though Josh wanted to be anywhere—other than in jail—but here, he jabbed the doorbell.

Chimes sounded. Not a typical ding-dong like most of the other houses in Berry Lake, Washington. Jenny’s was ten times nicer than the typical homes in the area. With her books hitting the bestseller lists and her series being turned into a movie franchise, she could afford a bigger estate on the outskirts of town.

The seconds ticked by. Maybe Jenny wasn’t home.

The thought brought instant relief. He wanted—needed—a reprieve, even if he had to do this eventually.

The door opened. Missy Hanford, Jenny’s sister-in-law, grimaced. “What are you doing here?”

Josh understood the harsh expression and the frustrated tone. He’d gone from being Berry Lake’s golden boy to persona non grata. To be honest, he deserved the hatred and lack of respect. Both were better than people’s pity for being…

A drunk.

He took a breath. “I want to speak with Jenny.”

“She’s writing.” Missy gripped the doorknob hard enough her knuckles turned white. “I don’t want to disturb her.”

Missy’s reluctance made sense. She’d been the one to give him Jenny’s phone number and convince her homebody sister-in-law to meet him for coffee.

“I’m sorry I put you in a rough spot last summer. I never meant…” He shifted his weight between his feet. “I tried to stay sober before meeting Jenny.”

But like most days, he’d failed. Only he hadn’t failed in such a spectacular or public manner until that ill-fated date with Jenny—aka bestselling thriller author Jenna Ford.

He tucked the tops of his fingers into his pant pockets. “I’m here to apologize. It won’t take long. Please. This is important.”

He must have sounded pathetic or desperate because Missy’s gaze softened. It gave him hope she wouldn’t slam the door in his face, anyway.

“I’ll see if Jenny’s available,” Missy said. “You can wait in the living room.”

Blowing out a breath, Josh stepped inside. The scent of fresh-baked cookies surrounded him, reminding him of… home.

The house he’d purchased last summer when he’d returned to Berry Lake was nothing but a shell, a place to store boxes full of his stuff and a few pieces of furniture. It was also where he kept his plane in a hangar by the airstrip out back. He hadn’t spent a night there in months. No reason to unpack and create a life for himself in his hometown when he wasn’t sure what might happen.

Missy closed the door. “Don’t touch anything.”

He held up his hands. “I won’t.”

A visit to the drunk tank was enough to stop him from doing anything illegal, including driving over the speed limit. Paranoid, maybe, but that had been one of the worst days of his life. At least until he’d entered rehab.

As Missy walked out, he stared at the bookshelf full of hardcover novels written under Jenny’s pseudonym. The pretty bookworm who’d gotten straight As through high school was now more famous than him. That was one reason he’d asked her out when he arrived in town—he thought they would be Berry Lake’s perfect celebrity couple. Maybe if his best friend hadn’t been a bottle of whiskey that might have happened, but he’d lost his shot. She was engaged to someone else now.

You have only yourself to blame.

His insides twisted with a mix of fear and unease—what Josh felt whenever he saw someone he’d wronged with his drinking. He was on his “making amends” portion of his recovery; he’d been visiting each name on his list. Jenny was the last one.

“Hey, Josh.” Jenny entered the living room. She wore jeans, a long-sleeved T-shirt, and fuzzy polka-dotted socks. Her long, caramel-blonde hair was pulled into a loose ponytail. No makeup on her face, but she didn’t need any. Never had. A diamond engagement ring sparkled on her left ring finger.

“Hi.” He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Thanks for seeing me.”

“I have to admit you’re the last person I expected to drop by today.” She sounded surprised, not annoyed.

A good sign? He hoped so.

“I should have let you know I was coming by.” He hadn’t called or texted in case she’d blocked his number. That would have made being here harder. “To be honest, I was afraid you might not want to talk to me.”

“Missy said it was important.” Jenny hadn’t said she’d wanted to talk, but Josh understood.

“I…” Words failed him. He stared at his shoes.

Jenny took hold of his hand, led him to the couch, and motioned for him to sit. She sat next to him as if that was the most natural thing in the world to do.

“We might not have been friends or ran in the same crowd in high school, but I’ve known you my entire life. I’ve thought about you so many times over the past months.” Jenny didn’t appear upset, more… reserved, but she’d always been quiet. “How are you doing?”

Josh half-laughed, a nervous reaction. “That’s a loaded question, though I’m sure whatever gossip you’ve heard isn’t too far from the truth.”

“I stay in my writing cave unless my fiancé is in town. I’ve only heard what Missy tells me. The gossip hasn’t been that bad.”

“Then someone is sugarcoating what happened to me.” He tried to keep his tone lighthearted, but he didn’t think he succeeded. “After my arrest, I went into rehab.”

His third stay.

He’d signed himself out the first two times.

There wouldn’t be a fourth. He’d committed himself to staying sober. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be here today.

“It was a ninety-day residential program,” he added. “Those supposedly have better success rates than the shorter ones. After that, I spent three months in a sober house. Now I’m staying with my folks.”

Compassion filled her eyes. “Sounds like you’re doing all you can.”

He nodded once. “Before I forget, congrats on your engagement. I heard you’re marrying an Army Ranger who found your message in a bottle, and that you nursed him back to health after a helicopter accident.”

“Right on all accounts. The wedding is in mid-June.” She grinned. “Guess we’re both the topic of gossip in town. The price of fame.”

“Or infamy, in my case.”

She squeezed his hand—the gesture tightened the imaginary steel bands around his chest. “Your past won’t always define you.”

“I hope not.” The emotion in those three words surprised him. Only his family, his therapist, Dr. Kettering, and his sponsor, Rudy, knew the effort Josh was putting into his recovery. He’d never worked this hard at anything. Not even when he played football. “I haven’t had a drink since that day we met at Brew & Steep.”

The tension in her shoulders lessened, but surprise shone in her eyes. “That’s great, Josh.”

Some days didn’t feel so great, not when he craved alcohol so badly he had to work out until it passed. He would not give up. He couldn’t. On the flip side, he was in better shape now than when he played professionally.

“I stopped by to see you for two reasons.” Keep talking. You’ve done this before. “First, I want to apologize for my behavior at the coffee shop. My drinking problem became yours.”

Her gaze remained on him, but her fingers flexed. He hated upsetting her, but he needed to do this for both their sakes.

“I should have never posted that selfie of us on i********: as if we were a couple, tried to get you to have s*x with me, and picked a fight with that barista who wanted to help you get away from me.”

Jenny clasped her hands on her lap. Her body tensed.

He wished she would hold his hand again, so he didn’t feel so alone.

Stop procrastinating.

“This is uncomfortable to talk about, but that’s nothing compared to what I put you through. I’m sorry.” He took a breath. “Truly sorry.”

An apology wasn’t enough for what he’d done, but he wanted to do this in steps. He’d learned to go slowly after more than one person hadn’t cared what he’d had to say.

Would Jenny be like that?

He wouldn’t blame her if she were, but so far, she’d been more understanding than others by not keeping her distance.

“Coming here and saying those words takes courage. I’ve tried to forget that day, but I haven’t stopped hoping you’d get the help you needed. I’m happy you have. And proud of you.” The sincerity in her voice matched the look in her eyes. “Apology accepted.”

He blew out the breath he’d been holding. “Thanks.”

“I’m sure the past ten months have been difficult.”

Not trusting his voice, he nodded.

She smiled softly. “It’s good you’re in Berry Lake with family and friends around to support you.”

If only…

His life had revolved around drinking. He was embarrassed to admit how much alcohol had clouded his judgment in everything from friendships to women.

“My recovery has shown me who my real friends are.” Many people had deserted him, not only in his hometown but all over the country. Sober Josh wasn’t as fun or generous with his money as drunk Josh. But he wasn’t the victim here. Just a hot mess. “My family keeps me going.”

“You’re lucky to have them.”

Nodding, he remembered Jenny’s only family was her sister-in-law, Missy. Her parents had died following a car accident. Rob, her younger brother who was a Marine, had been killed while deployed.

Josh wouldn’t have survived without his family. They’d embraced him with a careful balance of unconditional and tough love. No more enabling or ignoring his drinking as they’d done in the past. At thirty-two, he was living with his mom and dad. Two to three weekends a month, he stayed with his older sister, Ava. His younger brother, Sam, lived in Seattle, but he visited when he could to give their parents a break. Josh was only alone if he chose to be, which wasn’t often. He couldn’t afford to fail.

Stay sober.

That was his entire focus.

“I’m fortunate.” Josh never thought he’d say those words, let alone believe them, but he had people who loved him on the days he hated himself. “I didn’t know when I moved to Berry Lake why I needed to be back home, but it was the right decision.”

Jenny touched his forearm. “You’ll get through this.”

Or I’ll die trying.

Her fingers on his skin comforted him. Josh fought the urge to inch closer, trying to ignore how he longed to have a woman in his life. This wasn’t the time. In rehab and therapy, he’d been told no dating for the first twelve months of his recovery. There might not ever be a time for that. Even before he’d lost himself to the inside of a bottle, he’d never been good at relationships due to being, as more than one woman had said, too selfish and arrogant.

“Thanks.” He’d imagined such a different future for himself—a successful football career, a beautiful wife, and happy kids. He’d had the first until an injury two and a half years ago sidelined him forever.

Not being able to play the game he loved had filled him with bitterness. Sure, he’d been hired at a ridiculous salary to provide commentary on football games and earned rave reviews, but that hadn’t been enough to fill the void of not suiting up each week. Nor had it helped the pain in his leg that was a constant reminder of what he’d lost due to an illegal hit. His only relief had come while drinking, and it hadn’t taken long before he couldn’t get by without alcohol.

He swallowed around the shot glass-sized knot in his throat. “I have no choice if I want to keep my job.”

Not that he needed to work. Thankfully, he hadn’t blown through his money due to smart investments by his financial advisor, but his broadcasting career was all he had left of football.

His reputation was in ruins due to the arrest. Women selling their stories about his drunken nights with them to tabloids hadn’t helped, either. His job was the only way to salvage a career that had him gracing the cover of sports magazines and being a hero to young players.

Her expression tightened. “That’s… serious.”

“They could have fired me, but an executive at the network went through something similar, so he’s had my back.”

For how much longer remained to be seen with exhibition games starting in August.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Jenny asked earnestly.

Her words touched him because he deserved nothing from her. “You’re doing it by talking to me now, but I’d like to do something for you.”

This was the real reason he’d visited her. An apology was only words. He needed to show Jenny he’d changed. That he wasn’t the same man he’d been the last time they’d been together.

“I can’t undo our date, but—”

“You apologized. That’s enough.” Jenny spoke fast. “I forgive you, Josh. Nothing else is necessary.”

Her words soothed his soul. “Thanks, but making amends is part of my recovery. Whether you need someone to watch your house when you get married, fly you to a book signing, or whatever else you might think of, I’m at your service. My plane, too.”

Her eyes clouded. “Josh…”

“You don’t have to decide right now.” Even though he wished she would. “My family will be honest with you about my flaws, and my flying abilities if you want to ask them.”

As her gaze narrowed, she studied him without any judgment. “Doing something for me is important to you?”

He nodded, trying not to show how much he needed to do… this.

Jenny bit her lip. “I was planning to ship items for the wedding, but would you be willing to fly them to South Carolina for me in June?”

Josh straightened. “Yes. Tell me when. I’m on a leave of absence from work. My schedule is completely flexible.”

“The wedding is on the second Friday in June. A few days before would be ideal.” She smiled. “I need my dress there ahead of time to have it steamed.”

“Happy to help.” Relief brought a smile to his face. “Where in South Carolina?”

“Indigo Bay. It’s a small beach town.”

He’d never heard of the place. “Is that where your fiancé is from?”

“No, Dare’s from New Hampshire but stationed in Georgia. We thought the East Coast was the best place to get married since it’s only Missy and me here.” As Jenny spoke to Josh like he was a friend, warmth flowed through him. “Dare’s staff sergeant recommended Indigo Bay after spending Christmas there with his wife.”

“I’ll fly whatever you need there. Whenever.” His gaze locked on Jenny. He hoped his gratitude shone through. “This will take a leap of faith on your part, but I won’t let you down. I promise.”

She squeezed his arm. “I trust you, Josh.”

“Thanks.” He only wished he trusted himself.