Dear John (on hold)

Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue

Here I stand, worlds apart, hearts broken in two, sleepless nights. Feeling that it's gone, can change your mind. If we can't go on to survive the tide love divides. Someday, love will find you, break those chains that bind you, one night will remind you. Troubled times, caught between confusion and pain.

I've always thought that. I was tore apart from two world's, my family at home and my military family that I am surviving right this moment. As a little boy, I've always wanted to become more than I am. Become more than my family could ever be.

As a little boy, I never had a lot. My parents struggled through a lot. My dad in between jobs trying to help my mom take care of me but it wasn't helping. I've always told myself of I ever have kids that won't ever happen. Period.

As time past through out the years, my father grew ill losing part of his mind. And my mother couldn't help take care of him hardly with what little money we had. Even with his retirement money and money from the government.

As I turned 17 years old, I had finished high school and joined the military. My mother wasn't happy about me leaving while my father is the way he is. Let's say in so many words she disowned me. Told me to never come back for anything.

But my best friend, Jamie, on the other hand, was sad that I had left but got what I was doing. When I came home for holidays, her family would take me so I have somewhere to stay while I was in town for the week or weekend. Jamie had told her family after I had left about what my mother had told me, to never come back. Her parents were devastated about all of it. Couldn't believed any of it.

One day Jamie said that her mother had went over to my parents house, both our mothers were like best friends. But the way Jamie said, it was UGLY. In words; "How could you tell your only child to never come back home just because he's willing to fight for what he believes in. Try to make better ends. Try to make a life of his own." Jamie's mother had said to my mother. Only thing my mother had done, was slapped the f**k out of her mother. And told her to, "Never come back to my house for s**t. Our friendship is OVER!"

I felt bad for all over it. And ever since then, Jamie's family has been my family.

They all would send me letters and the same for me. Even when I could or had signal, I would video call them for awhile. Some of the guys and girls would tease me when they saw Jamie.

"Damn! Who that sexy thang?" Some of the men would say.

Of course Jamie would giggle and blush over it. Unlike the girls here they would say.

"John, when you gonna bang her? She's a cutie."

Or

"Better grab her before someone else does."

Everyone here was crazy but kind and funny. I saw where they came from and that's the thing. When I was younger, I had a thang for Jamie but since her family kinda took me in, I didn't want to mess s**t up. She was the bestest friend ever, a guy could ask for. She would listen to me talk for hours when we hung out. She got where I was coming from and felt bad for me half the time. Even though she never showed it, but I knew she did.

As a soldier man, the red, white, and blue is who I had served for, for over little 5 years now. And I have never felt bad about it all. I felt better for myself. But when I got Jamie's last letter, it hurt me deeply.

My parent's had died in a house fire and I couldn't do anything about it. Yes, I left them. Yes, my mother told me not to come back but I had to see it all for myself. So I had wrote Jamie a letter to let her know everything that I was about to do.

After I wrote the letter, I gave it to the mail people and had told my captain what had happened and asked them if I could leave for awhile.