A Spiritual's Mark

Chapter 9: Another Way To Cope

-Hope-

“Hey. Hope!” Lara poked her head into my room. I had been sitting in a chair near one of the windows, just staring outside, looking at the snow falling.

I didn’t hear her at first, so she called out to me again, "Hope!"

“Apologies,” I responded and turned my head, seeing her come closer to me.

She sat down on the bed a little further away from me, watching me with her brown eyes that exuded that hidden strength of hers. It made it very hard for me to directly look at her when she was watching me like that, so instead, I focused on my hands. They were playing with the hem on my shirt as I waited for her to continue speaking, but she didn’t say anything.

“Is... Is there something I can do for you?” I inquired without looking at her.

“Actually, I was wondering if there might be something I can do for you,” she offered.

I looked up at her, confused. I had no idea what she meant. We hadn’t seen each other for two days now because she had been so busy.

“Oh?” I replied.

“I see you have found a place here which I am happy about,” she said.

Yet her words made me a little apprehensive. Did she suddenly want me to leave? She could clearly see the scared look on my face and hurried to continue, “But I think there is something missing.”

“Missing?” I questioned.

“I know why you came here,” she said.

Yes, she knew, but that didn’t give me a clue about what she was talking about.

“I see you are happy and smiling, but I also see that whenever someone isn’t really looking, you kind of retreat into yourself.”

It was true. I did. I just couldn’t help it. Even though I tried to forget him, I just couldn’t. It was too hard.

“So, I wonder if maybe you need something else but a place to start anew,” she suggested.

“Something else?”

I needed Phoenix. I needed him to accept me and love me, like a mate should. That was the only thing I needed, but I had never articulated it out loud, because I knew nothing good would come from it.

“I think you need a way to express your feelings,” she explained.

“I am not sure I understand.”

Lara smiled and then stood up.

“Go change into something you can move more freely in,” she instructed.

“What?” I asked, but she didn’t explain further. She just left the room, leaving me there.

***

“What is this place?” I inquired and looked around the expansive room filled with equipment I wasn’t sure what to call.

“A gym,” she revealed.

“And it is used for?”

“Training. Working out. Burning off some energy. You take your pick,” she explained.

“And we are here because?” I questioned.

Lara chuckled as she jumped a little up and down. She was clearly filled with energy, but I was quite uncertain about being here.

“Something I find very important is that we know how to defend ourselves,” she asserted and waved me closer.

She was standing on a big blue mat, and I carefully walked closer. She was emitting such powerful luna energy that I felt apprehensive about approaching her.

“It’s okay,” she reassured me, yet I was still nervous.

“I... I am just not sure why I am here,” I expressed.

“Because knowing how to defend yourself can come in handy now with Connor still out there,” she said.

“I don’t know...”

“And it is also a way for you to feel in control again,” she explained.

“I don’t understand,” I said.

“Right now, you feel powerless, don’t you?”

I shrugged. Powerless wasn’t quite the word I would use to describe my feelings, but I certainly didn’t feel good at the moment.

“Your mate is out there. Somewhere. You don’t know what has happened to him or where he is. Maybe he is out sleeping with other females,” Lara suggested.

I didn’t know what I was doing, but suddenly I heard a threatening growl leave me. I stopped immediately when I noticed and looked at the ground in embarrassment.

“Sorry,” I remarked.

“Don’t be. I would be annoyed as well if anyone had suggested the same thing about James. Trust me, just thinking about him ever with anyone else is making my blood boil. Not that he ever would be with someone else,” she stated.

No, I didn’t think that would ever happen. It was clear how much they loved each other just by looking at them when they were together. They couldn’t stop touching and barely took their eyes off one another. They were a strong couple.

“But James loves you,” I pointed out.

“But just because Phoenix left doesn’t mean he is... doing that,” she reminded me.

“He doesn’t want me. Why shouldn’t he be with others?” I whispered, still looking at the ground.

“And that is why we are here,” she stated.

I slowly looked up at her, and she gave me such a comforting smile that I couldn’t help but reciprocate.

“You need to get the anger out. You need to feel a little more in control. Sometimes reading a book or trying to create some distance just isn’t enough. You need a way to express these emotions and the frustration!” she instructed.

“I... I have never done anything like this before,” I admitted, looking around the room.

I wasn’t a hundred percent sure what it was we were even doing, but I was slowly starting to realize it.

“You don’t say,” Lara chuckled.

I smiled a little more nervously, but I still wasn’t sure what she wanted from me. Usually, if I was with my sisters, I would have been asked to go pray. I would have been asked to find those calming feelings that ensured we all could exist in harmony with each other. I bet Lara didn’t want me to go pray.

“Closer,” she instructed.

I took a step closer.

“Closer!” she ordered.

I sighed and walked all the way over to her, so there was only the length of an arm between us.

“Good. Now you and I are going to spar,” she informed me.

“We are what?!” I tried backing away, but she grabbed my arm, pulling me closer.

“Don’t be scared,” she reassured me.

“I have never fought anyone! I don’t even know how to punch the air!”

She laughed and shook her head at me.

“That’s okay. I will teach you. We will go slow, I promise,” she assured.

“I... I don’t know,” I stammered.

“Hope, trust me. You need this. I needed it too. In fact, the queen herself trained me,” she said proudly.

I didn’t know much about the queen. I just knew she was quite fierce, and now, nowhere to be found.

“Are... Are you sure?” I asked.

She nodded determinedly and slowly loosened her hold on my arm. “You can always say stop, but I know this will help.”

“I have never been taught violence is the way,” I explained.

“Not violence,” she corrected. “Just a different way to cope with your feelings. Phoenix made his choice, but that shouldn’t stop you from living. It shouldn’t stop you from reclaiming some power that went away when he did.”

“You really think it will make me feel better?”

“It might take a few tries, but I know it will,” she said.

I sighed. I still wasn’t sure, but before I got to talk myself out of it, Lara had grabbed my arm again and wedged a leg between mine, tripping me.

“Hey!” I shouted as I found myself on the ground.

It didn’t hurt. Just surprised me.

“What are you going to do about it?” she challenged, taking a few steps back and jumping on the spot again.

I glared at her. I wasn’t sure what happened, but suddenly I was back on my feet charging at her. I had never fought another person before, and therefore, my form was that of a true amateur. She easily took me down over and over, but I always found my way back on my feet, and when I noticed it, I felt the power coming back to me just a little bit. Maybe this wasn’t such a foolish idea, despite the pain in my back and ass. Maybe this was exactly what I needed.