A Spiritual's Mark

Chapter 2: Wanting To Leave

-Hope-

“Say that again,” Harper requested.

“You heard me the first time.”

“No, I don’t think I did, because if you said something so foolish, I might just think you needed someone to spank some sense into you,” she remarked, though there was clearly a joking tone to her voice.

“What is a spank?” I inquired.

She opened her mouth to respond. It was evident she hadn’t meant it seriously but had hoped I would grasp why she had said it. However, when she realized I had no clue what she meant, the joke fell flat, and she appeared embarrassed instead.

“Um... never mind,” she said.

“Is it something negative?” I asked.

Her face flushed an odd shade of red, and I couldn’t quite discern the expression on her face, but she quickly composed herself, masking her embarrassment.

“No, it depends,” she replied.

“On?”

“Who delivers it and why,” she explained.

“I’m not sure I understand. How is it delivered?” I pressed.

“Okay, let’s change the subject. It was a bad joke, I wasn’t serious,” she said.

“But I’m still curious—”

“Hope, you can’t just leave!” she interjected.

I sighed and wandered further into the store. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to evade her or simply needed something to occupy my mind.

“Don’t run!” she exclaimed.

“I’m not!”

But maybe I was. I had no idea what I was doing. I was just so bewildered by all these new emotions—pain, anger, and frustration. I wasn’t accustomed to them, and they only served to confuse me further.

“Then why do you keep walking away from me?!” she questioned, trailing after me.

I imagined we looked somewhat comical. Harper almost chasing me around like we were children playing a game.

“I just... I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s true!” I asserted.

“That?”

“That Phoenix won’t come back because I’m still here!” I declared.

“Come on, Hope, do you truly believe that?” she inquired.

“It’s true! He won’t return until I leave. He left because of me, and none of you have heard anything from him!” I insisted.

“He might just be preoccupied with something... important,” she suggested, continuing to follow me. “Can we stop this?! I easily lose my breath now that I’m pregnant.”

I halted, and so did she. She leaned forward slightly, placing her hands on her knees as she attempted to catch her breath.

“I’m dragging everyone down. Every male in the house feels it’s their duty to look after me, especially since Phoenix isn’t here to do it himself, and it stresses them out that they can’t help me. I even stress you and Angela out, and she’s due to give birth soon, just like you will in not too long,” I explained.

“I still have five months to go,” she corrected.

“But stress at any point during your pregnancy is dangerous,” I pointed out. “I just don’t want to burden you all. It’s not your fault Phoenix doesn’t want me.”

“We understand that, but I don’t think you should be so hard on yourself either. Phoenix will return when he’s ready. He’s a grown man!”

“And I’m a grown woman. I can make my own decisions too, and I say I want to leave,” I asserted.

“And go where?!” she exclaimed.

That was the question, wasn’t it? Where on earth would I go?

“You don’t even know, do you?” she remarked, crossing her arms.

“I... I haven’t figured out that tiny detail yet, but I thought I would talk to Hunter and tell him I want to go,” I responded.

“You do know that since you’re Phoenix’s mate and you’ve already marked him, you’re technically already part of Hunter’s pack, right?” she pointed out.

I nodded.

“Do you really think he will just let you go? Hunter is an alpha. Taking care of his pack members is what he does, and one of them suddenly wanting to leave, he won’t like that. He keeps his pack together to keep an eye on all of them,” she explained.

“I know. I understand how alphas work,” I said.

“Then what makes you think leaving is the solution?”

“Because Phoenix deserves to be allowed to come home.”

“Hope, Phoenix is the baby here,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“He did the exact same thing as me and just ran out of the door. I mean, perhaps you should have a chat with Archer. He might just understand your perspective a little better. I can only say I understand Phoenix is just being foolish, just like I was, and it takes some time, but we learn... eventually,” she advised.

“Archer stopped himself from going insane by planning to abduct you. I don’t even know where Phoenix is,” I admitted.

“Because then you would abduct him?” she asked.

I sighed. “No!”

She held up her hands in an apologetic manner.

“I just meant Archer knew he would eventually make you his. He made sure to keep all his focus on you, even when you were gone, planning, and building and all of that. I have no idea where Phoenix is, and even if he were here, I still think I would want to leave. He just doesn’t want me.”

“He was probably just shocked,” she suggested. “I would have been if I woke up from a month-long coma with some stranger’s mark on my shoulder.”

“Stranger... right.”

“You know what I mean,” she said, walking closer and placing her hand on my shoulder. “Don’t just give up, Hope.”

“Why not? Have I not just wasted everyone’s time, including my own?” I asked.

Harper looked at me with eyes full of pity, and I hated it. I just wanted all the pain and pity to stop. I needed to feel free and in control again. I couldn’t even really remember much from the last three months or so. Suddenly, the snow had just come, the seasons had changed, babies were on the way, and Harper was a part of the pack. It was very confusing, and I had no idea how to handle it all.

“You aren’t wasting people’s time,” she said, sounding sincere.

“I see it.”

“What?”

“The looks,” I said. “I hear the whispers too, and I know when you are trying to cheer me up. Like this.”

“Like this?” she asked.

“This trip here. It is just another way to try to make me feel better or distract me.”

“No! I want you here,” she insisted.

“You don’t have to pretend.”

“Hope, I am not! I do want you here, and yes, I did think it would be good for you, but I am doing this because I truly do want your help and for you to be here,” she insisted, trying her hardest to convince me.

“Even if that is the case... I just... I can’t anymore.”

“Can’t?”

“Can’t keep dragging people down and keep Phoenix from his home. I’m just done,” I told her.

“Don’t say something like that,” she pleaded, running her hand up and down my arm soothingly.

“I need to find some happiness too,” I said.

“I understand, but you can do that here!”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t believe I can. That is why I have to go. Don’t you understand?” I asked.

She thought about my question for a while, but then shook her head. “I am not sure I do. I think you are giving up too easily. I fear you are making a bad mistake like me,” she said.

“That is your opinion, and I respect that, so please respect my decision,” I pleaded.

“Hope—”

“I am going to wait in the car. Take your time,” I said, leaving the store, not wanting to discuss this anymore.

I had made my decision. I would leave so Phoenix could come home.