MY WIFE'S JOURNAL

'How how, can I be, so stupid to realise, all this, so late?? I spoiled everything, why wasn't I able to know, in how much pain you were, when you were begging me to understand?? I am a monster, you have to live, Maria!! For the sake of this unborn child.' I was crying, holding my dear wife's hand, who was lying on the hospital bed, fighting with death and the pain, I gave her. I know it's too, late to regret, but I still have hopes that, she will survive, and I know am gonna make everything alright this time. I was exhausted, from all the blames, that I was giving myself, from yesterday's night, I was sitting here like a dead brain person, who has only a heart beating, and that too filled with misery. She was pregnant, still, I only, gave her pain. My possessiveness ate my love and here's the result, my wife is fighting the most difficult fight alone, to protect our child, I was feeling helpless, tired. Exhausted, from all this, I went to our home, LIMA'S RESIDENCE, you must be thinking why LIMA n not MALI ?? Againg I was an obessed, possessive brat. Boys can do anything, but girls should be kept in cage, that kind of mentality type of guy. I call it home but maybe for her it was a hell, where I used to torture her? I parked my car and went to our room. The spacious room, that was made according to my choice, here again, she never objected, just smiled at my decisions. Oh f**k! How badly I miss her that smile. Tears never stopped from yesterday. I sat on our bed and flopped on it, where she use to cry, but again, I never ever cared. Why?? Waaa..why, god?? Oh shii... shiit... aha ha han... I am such a monster, I can't bear this. I know am crying badly, but what's the point, when, I can't show her how guilty I am for all what I've done, to her.  I got up from, the bed, wiped my tears and opened the wine bottle and looked, around, near her pillow, there was a book kind of something, I know she used to write something, in that, but I never really gave attention. Maybe she was cursing through this book or dairy or journal, whatever you call, I was boiling with anger again, clenching my jaw, I went near that thing and picked it up, It was my baby's journal. I cursed myself again for still, having this anger issues, that has made me lose everything in my life. I sat down on the floor resting my back on the bed board, took a sip from the bottle and started reading: MARIE'S JOURNAL: Dear dairy, I know, I've been a coward to not express myself, to my dear boyfriend, Liam. But I know he loves me, though he becomes a bit aggressive at times but still I love him and he also loves me. 12. 03. 20: Today is my birthday, but the most important person of my life, has not wished me yet. It's 12PM in the morning but he is so casual, maybe he's planning something, am too excited.  It's already, 4 pm and when, I asked him about if I can meet my friends, he asked, why? Maybe, he's really busy, no worries it happens sometimes. 13. 03. 20: Yesterday, was the most hilarious day of my life.  He allowed me to go to the party, but being my lovable and caring boyfriend, he asked me to come back home soon, because staying late, can let me fall in danger. So, I was happy, finally, I meet my friends, they don't like him. "Hey birthday girl!" Jessie came and hugged me, "so what did your brat of a boyfriend gave you??" She asked wiggling her brows at me. "Oh come on, he loves me that's enough!" I smiled at all of them, coz I don't care if he forgets my birthday, because I don't want to be the reason of distraction from work for him. "I knew, he must've forgotten your birthday again?" Jordan rolled his eyes. "That's enough! I think you all, brought me here to enquire my boyfriend?" Anger was sipping through my viens. "Hey chill, babes!" Noah patted my back and ordered the batender to bring us my surprise cake. I blew the candle, but suddenly, in a blink of eyes, everything happened. :( :(  Bye dairy, that's it I can share:) I closed her journal and then, rested my head on the bed and tried to remember what happened that day, how I made her best day, the worst one. I was standing, there near the door frozen, when, that Jordan guy, kept his hand on Maria's hand, when she was busy blowing, the candle. Wait, she lied. She told me, no boys are coming, aren't Jordan and Andrew, boys? She lied to me! My anger took the best of me and with long strides, I reached there table, before, she had finished blowing candle. I twisted the Jordan guy's hand that he, placed on my Maria, and shoved his face into the cake, for which the sharp supporters, placed inside the cake, got stuck in his eyes. Maria gasped and looked at me with fear. That guy was cursing out loud and shouting, clutching his eyes. I took out one of the stick from his eye, ignoring his cries, I took threatening steps towards Maria. "You said, only girls are here?" I clenched my jaw. "I.. i.. I  can explain, Liam!" She was shivering like a cat in cold water. "What can you, explain, you f*****g b***h?" I yelled at her and shoved the stick into her palm, which she raised to protect her self from damage, and pulled that stick out and threw that aside. I dragged her out of the restaurant, I was driving the car, like a maniac, she got afraid, because she was a sensitive person. The blood was dripping from her palm, but i cared less. She was silent the whole trip. I pulled her wrist painfully, and dragged her to our home, and threw her on the bed," You know right, how much I hate liars? I'll saw you today, what should be done with a slut!" I started opening my shirt. We had s*x, before, that only twice, so, she must be tight up there and my big thing is already, hot and hard like an iron rod. Then came her voice, she gulped and said," Li.. Liam, baby, I.. I  can explain, please.. ahh... please stop.. ahh.. it hurts.. pleaseee.." She was begging me and crying, but I entered her without warning and moved vigorously fast inside her. Her cries turned into muffled sobs, but tears never stopped falling from her eyes. She closed them, enduring the pain and waiting patiently, for this night to end. After, I  was satisfied, I lay there beside her and pulled her, into my embrace, she shivered under my embrace and that made my anger return. I, withdrew my hand, and turned away, from her and fell into a deep slumber. I caused, her too much miseries, instead of celebrating the day, I made it a vulnerable day, for her.