The Boys in the Woods

A Future of Settling - Rose

Everything that existed here tonight was not a blueprint for a future united pack. My father, as well as Crispen’s, were over on the side arguing about, well, pretty much everything. Our mothers talked like ordinary people, partly because they actually knew how to be civil towards one another without faking it. Crispen and I sat together and looked out at the packs enjoying their time together. While they weren't co-existing perfectly, they were still co-existing. 

‘Do you think this is a strong enough foundation for us to build off of?’ I looked at him, his eyes sparkling with the flicker of the flames dancing. He had so much hope in his face and even more in his words. 

‘If I’m honest, I wonder about that every day.’ He smiled and looked down. 

‘I guess it’s hard for everyone to remember that we were once a single pack.’ That was long before any of us were even born, including mine and Crispen's father.

‘Yes, well, separation doesn’t heal overnight.’ He looked at me, possibly wondering what I was thinking, who’s side was I on, and what did I want.

‘Do you think they can ever be healed? I guess that is my question to you, Rose.’ I didn’t know how to answer him, I didn’t want to lie, but I also didn’t really know which answer would be the truth. I had a list of reasons why I believed that either option might succeed or fail. I thought the threat would bring us closer, but for years I’ve seen that our two packs have very definitions of what is the right course of action. 

‘Care to dance Crispen?’ I think he was surprised by me asking him, but I was committed to at least trying to find a connection between us. I like Crispen, and I need to learn how to love him too. The surprise faded into his casual smile as he accepted the offer and stood, asking for my hand. We walked towards the fire and began dancing along to the music. I think the musicians took advantage of the fact that we were dancing, as the more upbeat music slowed and became much more romantic.

‘Everyone is looking at us’ I couldn’t help but look at them, looking at us, as we moved like intertwined willows in the wind. I looked back at Crispen to realizes his eyes had never stopped looking right at me. 

‘At least now we know what to do when our pack starts fighting amongst each other. Start dancing together in our fanciest clothes.’ I laughed, and he joined in. He was charming. I had to give him that. I saw over his shoulder the eyes of someone I liked and love, Mason. He was very skilled at putting on a brave face, but once you know what a person in pain looks like, it is very easy to see beyond the facade. If it were up to me, I’d be dancing with him, kissing him, marrying him. I could wish on a million and one stars and still end up heartbroken. Wishes don’t break tradition and duty. 

We wrapped up our dance, and for some reason, everyone clapped. If I had known we were doing that for an audience, I’d have never suggested it. Crispen decides to step in and offer up a quick exit, ‘care to take a walk?’ I eagerly accept. We begin walking away, and I see Mason leaving early, walking up the hill. He looks down towards me. In the corner of my eye, I can see my father following my gaze, and instead, I yell to him that I’ll be back soon, hoping to divert his attention.

We walk through the trees, and Crispen tells me that he wants to take a route he usually doesn’t. ‘And why do you want to take this route?’ I ask him, brimming with curiosity. 

‘You’ll see.’ He has this boyish smile on his face like he’s hunting for treasure or something. We move through the trees. ‘I know that you don’t love me.’ I stopped. I was taken aback by his words. For starters, I believed I pretended well enough. ‘I was hoping to fake it until I was able to make it real.’ I was embarrassed having even said such a thing.

‘I’m sorry, Crispen.’ I added, feeling awful for the truth.

‘No, don’t be.’ We walked in silence briefly before I had the courage to ask him if he loved me.

‘I was hoping to fake it until I was able to make it real.’ He laughed, I didn’t know if that’s what he meant, or he was just repeating it to tease me.

‘It is a lot of pressure. A child being told he will be married. Married to someone who is part of a pack he was taught was the enemy.’ It was true, and it was something nobody ever mentioned enough, if at all.

‘I know what you mean.’ When we were told, it was a lot to digest. Maybe neither of us ever finished digesting the idea.

‘Do you think we will ever have that day where we both look at one another and can say wholeheartedly, I love you?’ I wondered what he’d say as a response. I don’t know what I’m hoping for because there is no great answer to this question.

‘I kind of think we have to, or else we’re going to spend the rest of our lives married out of service to our people.’ I think we worried about that. We'd like each other fine, but to be happy together, there needed to be love, and we'd need more than a friendship level of love.

‘Isn’t that noble?’ I joke.

‘Why should the idea of being noble come at the sacrifice of being happy?’ Maybe he’s right, but it also made me have another question. ‘Crispen, do you want to be the alpha?’ I ask him, honestly wondering what his position is on the matter. He stopped dead in his tracks. ‘What?’

‘Do you? Want to be the alpha, I mean?’ I didn't want to offend him, but I needed to know.

He looked at me, that boyish smile had been extinguished, and now the pensive man stood before me. The weight of many on his shoulders. The eyes of many on his choices. The ears of all listening.  Everyone is waiting for him to falter and fail. ‘Honestly, Rose, I don’t even know the answer to that question myself.’ It was honest and not what I expected. He really didn't seem like he knew the answer, and I guess I was surprised about the prospect of him being on the fence.

He moved on, and that’s when I saw the small waterfall, surrounded by trees and flowers in full bloom—an array of colors dancing in the calm breeze. It was beautiful, but we both found it hard to enjoy.

‘You want to be alpha.’ It was so casual, calm, and quiet, but for me, it reverberated in my ears like a ringing that wouldn’t fade.

‘No, besides, it isn’t like I can be the alpha.’ Why would he ask such a question?

‘It wasn’t a question. It is obvious.’ I didn't know what to say... Do I be honest? Do I deflect?

‘Crispen, don’t be silly.’ Deflect it is.

‘The way you walk, the definition in your arms which explains the sleeves you always wear that are never tight enough to show the muscle. Someone is training you.’ How did he know all of this? Did he intend to tell people of my secret?

‘Crispen, please-’ I was begging him, but he cut me off.

‘Rose, I’m not saying this to get you in trouble or anything-’ Thank god.

‘Can you just stop? None of it is true anyway.’ I interrupted him, attempting to get him to leave it alone.

With that, he throws a staff into the air, and instinctively, I catch it before Crispen launches himself at me.