Guilty Souls

MOVE ON AND LIVE

CHAPTER 5

AZALEA

I pressed the end call button as soon as Dimitri's call ended, and I placed the phone on top of the table. Fully aware that Bella was eyeing me during my entire conversation with the man.

“Is that Dimitri?” Bella asked as if she wasn't listening, interested in how things were progressing as far as Dimitri and I were concerned. There was nothing to tell, and nothing was between us except brewing friendship probably. Dimitri and I were two people who would like to forget, what were they expecting from us?

“Yeah!” I told her disinterestedly and went back to the book I was reading. 

“Is he courting you?” She asked straightforwardly when she noticed my lack of interest.

I shook my head repeatedly but slowly, "No." I twitched a brow while I answered her.

"Don't pull my leg! Geez..." Bella screeched. Maybe she thought I was avoiding discussing it with her.

“Look...most of the time you are with us when we go out. You know why we do it,” I told her candidly. I wasn’t avoiding it, and there was nothing significant to tell.

“You mean you are going out platonically? Is that all?” She asked confusedly. Her big eyes were stretched fully. Doubting my words.

I nodded, “I don’t lie, Bella. You know that." I eyed her seriously. "There's nothing to tell,” I touched her eyelids to shut her eyes and poked her right in the middle of her eyebrows.

“What a waste! That man is sexy as sin. Dark blue, almost greyish eyes, a toned bronze body, he looks like a dark prince. I wondered how ticklish and soft those beards are if pressed on the skin of my uhu,...Not to mention how enticing that prominent bulge in between his legs,” Bella bit her lips shamelessly. 

She's an extremist --far left or far right. She talked about anything with too much enthusiasm and no inhibitions, especially on sensual topics. Just like now...

I cringed and murmured to myself, "Heaven forbid my gross friend!". I decided not to comment on it.

"I wonder what kind of heaven he gave to whoever was under him," she giggled.

I gawked. I stared at her with an open mouth. Bella could talk lasciviously when she wanted to. I wasn’t a prude or extremely modest on s****l matters, but God forbid if  I couldn't talk openly about it. 

I have respect for women doing the act. It’s their choice, and it’s their life. No one has the right to judge people on what they do with their own lives.

I don’t mind being laid myself... for the right man. However, my ex-fiancé was a freak who wanted it as a gift for our wedding night. Unfortunately, he failed to attend our own wedding day. 

Shit! It’s Nimuel again. Why do I relate everything to Nimuel?

Hearing my friend discussed her sensual fantasy openly was in a way unnerving for me, "Stop it, Bella."

"I was just curious. How good is he in bed?" she clicked her tongue after she said it.

I released a long sigh through my mouth slowly and looked at the ceiling. I could really strangle the neck of Bella.

Holding my irritation, I asked Bella, “You might want to have a taste?" I observed her reaction, and she grinned, "You want me to set you up with him?” I said sarcastically. 

“Damn, girl! If his eyes were on me, why not. However, he’s not into me.” She said with a low voice, probably because people could hear us inside the coffee shop, "Why don't you taste him for us?" she added.

"Shut up!" I said loudly. Several faces turned our way when they heard me.

I tried to move on with my life. I wasn’t illogical. Even if I cling to Nimuel’s memory, he wouldn’t be back. But I need time. I need to forget. However, looking at another man at this time was just not right. It was not my priority either, but, if my best friend would continue talking like this, I might blush in front of Dimitri while I remember this conversation. Bella was infesting my brain, and it wasn't good for either one of us.

Bella giggled.

“Bella, if he's not interested in you...that makes the two of us! There is nothing between us. Let’s drop it,”  I answered disinterestedly. I transferred my eyes to the book I was reading. I need to pass this bar exam, and it should be my priority this time --not this baseless and worthless conversation.

“Seriously, are you not interested in him?” She pressed the matter further.

I heaved a deep sigh before I spoke to her. I made sure our eyes were aligned. I saw her roll her eyes, but I stared at her, forcing her to look at me straight. Then I said...

“Bella! Let me remind you that I need to heal. That man is also the reason why I don’t have a husband now. The fact that we are healing together is because we don’t want the past to haunt us. I understand his point perfectly. Nimuel’s death should not be a piece of baggage that we will carry for the rest of our life,” I told her in a soft voice. No anger. I was not anxious or irritated. I have no interest in any man at the moment, more so Dimitri. I wouldn’t know what the future holds for me, but it’s not my priority right now.

“Geez, Fine. Atty Castro. I get what you mean. It’s just that the man is a yummy chewy cookie that melts in the mouth. It’s a waste to hand him over to some random bitches,” Bella released a sample of her loudness. 

I smiled at her description—cookie- who would describe a man like a cookie but my dearest friend Bella. I shrugged my shoulders and went back to my study. Her chosen topic was just too absurd for me. I know I’d move on at the right time but definitely not in the nearest future. 

I might look alright in other people's eyes since I refused to worry them about my situation. I didn't talk openly about Nimuel, but when I am alone...I'm just human -- with a natural feeling. His loss remained a big stone blocking in my heart.

But...my thinking and reasoning were better than normal. I was completely aware that there was no way Nimuel would come back. Aside from that, I am still young --22 years old, my life barely started, and one day, I'll find my match. Nimuel was just so irresistible when we met, and he completely captured my heart; that was why we planned our marriage early. However, it wasn't meant to be. Therefore I should be back on my normal track. I want to be a lawyer and an excellent lawyer at that.

This upcoming bar exam should be my priority, and any replacement to my Nimuel was obscure. A man like him was hard to forget and hard to replace.

We were busy with our own task when a group of uniformed men approached us. When I looked their way, I saw Johnny smiling at me. I missed looking at men in uniform. It reminded me so much of how handsome my Nimuel looked in uniform.

“Hey, Azah!” Johnny greeted me in his usual authoritative tone. Well, that was how they were trained. Even Nimuel talked like that to me. I was immune to it.

“Johnny, what brought you here?” I asked surprisedly. 

This coffee shop was not a place where we could bump into each other.

Johnny sat beside me and gave me a tender hug before he answered my question. 

“I went to your home—just a plain visit. Your brother told me where I could find you. I’ll be away for three months. I thought of visiting you and giving you this,” He pulled out a black box from his pocket.

I was surprised. What could be the content of the box and what for. I slowly raised my hand to receive the box he extended to me and a letter.

“It was Nimuel’s birthday present for you. He had it arranged months ahead.”

Oh my! Two months ago was my birthday. This was so thoughtful of him.

“Why was it with you?” I asked. I thought all of Nimuel’s personal paraphernalia were delivered already to his parents months ago. How come this gift was left behind?

“That one he asked me to keep. It has a letter. I forgot to give it to you before I was assigned three months ago,” Johnny explained.

God! It was as if Nimuel knew he wouldn’t attend my birthday; that was why he gave it to Johnny. I couldn’t help the tears that formed in my eyes.

“Hep- I knew you would cry again. Don’t! Open it instead,” Johnny remarked, pinching my cheek.

I slowly opened the box with a shaking hand and saw a necklace inside it —a diamond heart-shaped necklace. It was beautiful. I opened the card. Next, goosebumps crawled on my skin as soon as I read the content.

Luv,

Wherever am I…

I wished for your heart to be happy!

Love you always.

Nimuel

Was it your farewell message to me, Nimuel? Were you setting my heart free? You were such a wonderful and unselfish person, Luv. How may I forget you? I brought both hands to cover my eyes, and then my body shook while I cried.

“Stop crying! Live your life, Azah. Don’t live in the past. You are still young,” Johnny tapped my back to console me.

Likewise, Bella was also crying while she hugged me.

No matter how they asked me to stop crying, I couldn’t bring myself to follow them. It was a problem for me, so I avoided thinking about him as much as possible. I wanted to move on...but it was just too hard. People, places, and events always remind me of him, and I didn't know for how long.

Was Nimuel’s life destined to be so short? Why was he not granted a long life to be happy...with me?