Chapter five : The Guilt of the Alpha
1184 Words
Regret and Love
The packhouse's big windows let in moonlight, which streaked the walls in gentle silver. I had been mindlessly walking the hallways, hoping that the movement would calm my racing thoughts. Under my sleeve, the mark on my wrist continued to pulse slightly, serving as a continual reminder of what the Moon Goddess had spoken.
I turned a bend and came to a sudden halt.
In the lounge, sitting by himself was Aiden. He was staring at the ceiling with his head c****d back and his large shoulders sagging. In his palm lay a tumbler of amber liquid, almost empty.
I paused. It tightened my chest to see him like this, vulnerable, without his normal powerful presence. However, my curiosity prevailed.
"Have trouble falling asleep?" I entered the room and inquired quietly.
His piercing eyes narrowed for a second before melting as his head swung toward me. "I could ask you the same thing," he said in a scratchy, low voice.
I leaned against the doorframe and said, "I don't sleep well in unfamiliar places."
He laughed a little, without humor. "Even though I know this place, I still have trouble sleeping."
I c****d my head to observe him. "Are you thinking about something?"
I was a little afraid he might ignore me. Then he ran a hand through his hair and moaned. "Too much."
Sitting on the edge of the recliner across from him, I drew nearer. "Want to share?" He glanced at me warily, as if he were debating whether or not to open the door for me.
His voice was tainted with anger as he eventually questioned, "Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, it's never enough?"
"At all times," I said truthfully, feeling my chest constrict as he spoke. Before putting the glass down on the table, he took another sip of his beverage. His voice was hardly audible above a whisper when he continued, "I failed her."
My heart stopped beating. I didn't have to ask who he was referring to.
"Nadia?" I said, maintaining a steady tone.
He nodded, his jaw clenched. "I was meant to keep her safe. As her mate as well as her Alpha, it was my responsibility. And I didn't succeed.
I had to will myself to remain composed when his words struck me like a blow.
"It wasn't your fault what happened to her," I said cautiously, keeping my fingers from shaking by holding onto the chair's side.
His voice was hoarse with sadness as he continued, "I should have seen it coming." She had faith in Lyra, and I let it. I let a person who was meant to be her friend get near enough to ruin her.
I took a deep breath, my feelings threatening to take control. It was almost unbearable to hear him talk so candidly and emotionally about my death—our history.
I responded in a scarcely audible voice, "She wouldn't blame you." "She would want you to get over that guilt if she truly loved you."
When we locked eyes, I briefly feared he may be able to see through my disguise.
"Perhaps," he said, reclining in his seat. However, I am unable to. Not when she's still all around me. At this residence. In my dreams.
Unspoken words filled the air between us. I wanted to be honest with him and ease his suffering, but I was unable to do so. Not quite yet.
Finally, in a calmer tone, he continued, "You should get some rest." "It's late."
I stood up, smoothed my hands over my trousers, and nodded. "You too, Alpha. The past cannot be changed by guilt.
A quiver of his lips resembled a grin. "For a rogue, you're surprisingly wise."
I said, "Good night, Aiden," before turning and leaving before my feelings might deceive me.
I could feel the tension in the air as soon as I entered the dining hall the next morning. Lyra and Damon sat side by side, heads pressed together, whispering to one other. Even from across the room, I could feel the weight of Damon's attention as his piercing stare darted toward me.
Even though I was moving casually as I picked up a piece of fruit from the table, I had the uneasy sense that something was about to happen.
I heard someone behind me say, "Don't stare too long." One of the younger pack members was grinning as I turned around. "You might attract their notice."
"Is that something bad?" I raised an eyebrow in question.
"Depends," he said in a hushed tone. "Damon—well, let's just say he doesn't trust anyone new, and Lyra doesn't like competition."
I smiled politely and replied, "I'll keep that in mind," before turning to go.
I managed to find a peaceful spot in the room, but it wasn't long.
Damon's words echoed loudly enough for everyone to hear, "She's dangerous." His tone was harsh and deliberate, yet he wasn't shouting.
Lyra's face was inscrutable as she c****d her head. "Dangerous? Or just... distracting?
Damon looked at me for a while before going back to Lyra and said, "She's getting too close to Aiden." "Any additional complications are unaffordable."
Lyra's fingertips tapped the table as her gaze furrowed. After that, we'll deal with it. But cautiously. We cannot take the risk of attracting attention to ourselves.
Even though their remarks made me shiver, I pretended not to hear them and maintained a neutral demeanor.
I felt tense by the time nightfall arrived. I couldn't get rid of the paranoia that Damon's warning to Lyra had sown.
I saw Lyra standing at the end of the hallway as I made my way through it. She had her arms crossed across her chest in a rigid position.
"Iris," she yelled in a firm, piercing voice.
I stopped and turned to her, trying to seem composed. "Yes?"
With each slow stride, her heels clicked on the floor as she approached me.
She halted in front of me and stated plainly, "I don't trust you," her eyes narrowing.
I said in a level voice, "I'm sorry to hear that." "There is nothing I have done to earn your mistrust."
A chilly grin curved her lips. Perhaps not. However, you're concealing something. I sense it.
I didn't back down and kept looking at her. "Luna, be direct if you have anything to accuse me of. Otherwise, I would want you to cease squandering my time.
Her eyes became gloomy, and I briefly feared she may snap. Then she took a step back, smiling again.
Her voice was low and menacing as she continued, "I'll discover what you're concealing." "And you'll be sorry you ever entered this pack when I do."
"Good luck with that," I said, maintaining a steady tone of voice despite the knot in my gut.
"I don't know who you are, but I'll find out," Lyra said, leaning in and pressing her warm breath on my ear.
My heart was racing as I stood by myself in the corridor after she straightened up and left.
- Writer
