Notes of a madman

Day one

#1. So, it's beginning...

    The ninth of September on dirty calendar... This is the beginning of my life.

    How old am I? Well, I guess, 50 or even older, but my hair isn't gray yet.

    I don't know, why i'm here... Why?! How could it be, i'm normal guy, why i am in a mental hospital? I'm normal man... normal, normal, NORMAL!!!!!!! It's just a headache...

    This hospital looks several hundred years old, dirty, older rooms falling apart. Maybe I was an architect, because I have taste and sense in it...

    Dr. Hamilton, pretty lady, asked me to write every day in diary, so I started an old hospital notebook.

    So, it's beginning... I'm Charlie Bauer, man without past... I have some strange mental disease: my memory completely disappears after sleep...

    Every morning, when I wake up, my headache makes me want to climb the wall, torn apart everything and everyone…

    This is unbearable!

 — Bauer… Hi, Bauer… Don’t you want to get out of bed today? Ah, you are vegetable, same as yesterday.—the ward door opens and the ugly face of Merchant looks at me by his fishy eyes.

    Why not a pretty girl or even nice man controls us, here is this bald, toothy creature with a horse face and fishy eyes? Damned medic Ted Merchant…

— Bauer… Bauer! Bauer! Bauer!—

    I frowned at him.

    Glass with pills breaks the freak's nose, i saw the wounds from small, but dangerous pieces of broken glass.

    I smile now. I definitely like the smell and color of blood...

    Especially the blood of that disgusting creature who looks like pig and horse together...

#2. Breakfast.

    In the dining room, we are very often have a battles on much larger scale than each of the world wars.

Sometimes they found the the end of this grey life, and then they are falling asleep forever in white cold room-in the morgue.

    I'm not so weak, I can grab a piece for me and protect myself.

    Now the doors opens and the doctors throw pieces of meat right on the floor. They are feeding us like if we would be dogs. No... Worst...

    Sometimes luck smiles and someone can find a fresh one. But it's so rare...

    When time for breakfast coming, we are hungry like piranhas. The meat taste awful, putrid taste and drops of salty blood are in the mouth.

    Hah, new guy is unlucky-one of elders hit him on the head by the big stone. I can wait for the chance to eat freshest meat, but I run up to loud company.

    My weapon-big and sharp piece of pipe-my only friend.

    First time I want to protect somebody...

 — You mad? Stay away from the elders and you can save 1-2 days of life!—I fighting of from elders.

    I share with boy part of meat, what was in my hands now-2 big pieces.

    I was very lucky because I can sew-I created something like pockets on front and back side of my shirt.

    I used to be afraid, like this guy ...

    Strange feeling... Like I'll never get out of here...

— What's your name?—i asked the boy when everyone washed their faces and hands in a puddle on the floor.

— Tobias. Yours?—

    I saw a white thing on his hair. Maybe, chalk... Guy is very young, maybe younger 30.

— I'm Charlie. Don't run in the center of feeding zone, if you can't fight. Be quiet and wait for the unappetizing piece or you need to fight. First is easy way to die... —I give him two small pieces. I'm not trying  to be good, for me is enough what I have.—If you agree to work for me, I will help you. I'll teach you how to fight them and explain everything what I know. If you agree, don't think too much!—

 — Yes, I agree. How escape from here?—he asks suddenly.

    I punched him near with the stomach.

    I don't know, why it hurts for me too.

    Anger exploded in me like a dynamite.

    I whispered before i leave:

— Don't you ever talk about it!—

***

    I have time today to go through the whole floor.

    Are we all in hell? This building will never end!

    Today we are not lucky with finds-a chain, 2 t-shirts, a piece of necklace and an earring.

    Okay... I can buy something if I give one of nurses or medics something shiny. They love it, like birds like jewerls.

    I got a very attractive knife, when I heard footsteps-the guy is catching up with me.

— I don't understand, what make you so angry... Are you so afraid to get out of here?—

— No. There's no way out of here. This is the end, no way out if they make a "procedure".—my nerves now became so weak. Tears runs down my cheeks.—They drill a hole in the back of the head, then insert a

big electrode. And is point of no return...—I turn my back.

    Even through the hair, Tobias could still see it. My future death...

    A bomb for personality, if somebody will try to get out.

    Tobias suddenly turns me around and gives me a hug.

    For the first time I feel a living, friendly, compassionate warmth. For the first time it hurts so much to know-I could only be alone here.

    A sound like an alarm, but little convulsive, scares us.

    I know this sound. I've heard it before.

    Oh no... Arena. Everyone is called to the arena.

— Come on. Now they called everyone to fight!—I grab his arm.—I help you... I swear...—

#3. Arena.

    Arena...

    A place, where people don't get out alive. The men and women of this hospital, all fight on equal terms here.

    No one has ever won, but we've heard about what happens when you win. No one has ever seen the White Pill, but everyone dreams about it... This is a ticket to the real world ...

    I manage to see Dr. Hamilton in the distance. Her blouse is unbuttoned so that the bra is slightly visible, and here she is again with a man named Mark.

    I hide Tobias behind my back-there's a small hope that the searchlight won't catch him...

— I can volunteer myself?—suddenly the guy asks me quietly.

    I feel a kick in my side.

    Everyone is trying to push someone out now.

— Crazy? Don't even think about it!—I suddenly froze in place. My lips trembled with fear.

    This searchlight has two rays and both looked here. They chose us ...

    Harry Walden will be against us...

— We are lost... —

    It was as if I heard my own voice from the outside.

    My knees buckled. I'm afraid... Damn, I'm scared!

    When I stepped out into the soft ring that glowed with different colors, I felt a little better-then I felt that I was not alone.

    How I want to go to the white hall! Stop looking for a reason to die... I want, but I can't get out...

    A huge tree trunk is flying at us. It hit and scratches me on the back and blood came out, burning my skin.

    I grab a board with nails on the floor, and Tobias takes a piece of the same trunk.

    I've never seen that new guys were so quiet. There's something wrong with Toby, or it's just very strong...

    Harry stamped his foot on the material of the ring, and I hit him exactly in the thigh with my makeshift club, the nails digging into his metal-hard flesh, and at that moment he grabs my weapon.

    Before I know how I raised up in the air, I scream aloud in horror, and my flight ends with a crash against a rough, crumbling wall. I can feel my bones crunching, but I won't feel any pain righ now-we were drugged before we came out here.

    Tobias falls to the spongy canvas of the ring and doesn't move. And Harry put his foot on his chest and started to push.

    I feel a growing rage.

    The guy is wheezing, so at least it's clear that he's alive now.

    My unlucky board was deadly stuck in Walden's hand, and I grabbed an metal pipe sticking out of the wall. Sweaty and blood-soaked skin slides. Even as my bones started to crack, I took it out.  Oh, yes!

    Well, Bauer... This guy's life depends on you!

    I run and hit a Harry in a jump.

    I think I knocked him off Tobias's chest ...

    Damn... Cold... So cold...