The Banished Werecat Princess

10 - Losing and Gaining

Alana

    The month following the birth of little Jax was spent with me asking about my cub every time I saw a guard.  Unfortunately, I was always met with silence, and it was downright enraging.  I needed to know if he was alive, but they wouldn’t even tell me that.

    Since they refused to give me any information, I fought with the guards every step of the way, demanding information about Jax, but I still didn’t get what I wanted.  I continued to give those guards hell every chance I got for an entire year.

    I grew to hate all of my family, especially Lance, and all of the guards.  I blamed all of them for my cub being taken from me.  

    Lance didn’t return to the dungeon that entire time, and it’s a good thing for him that he didn’t.  I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from saying the most hurtful things possible.

    However, I did feel remorse over what I did to Dane and Tamara.  At the time of my crime, I wasn’t thinking about what kind of impact it would have on them to lose their cub.  I now knew full well what that kind of loss felt like, and I didn’t wish that on anybody, except for Lance.  If he knew what it felt like, maybe he wouldn’t have kept my cub from me.

    As you can imagine, time dragged by slower than a snail after my cub was taken from me.  I ended up slipping into a deep depression with violent outbursts any time somebody came near my cell.  It got so bad that none of the guards would come near me in fear of what I might do to them.

    There were a few times I was able to get the better of them stupid guards, and when that happened, they left with their faces mutilated from my dagger-like nails.  I was pissed about them keeping information about my son from me.

    Every year when it got closer to little Jax’s birthday, I would sit in the corner of my cell and sob for hours.  It was another year of my cub’s life that I had completely missed out on, if he was even still alive.  That thought was almost enough to kill me on the spot.  

    The sobbing for my cub would be nonstop for almost a full month.  I would wake up and immediately start crying, then I would cry myself to sleep for all of my naps during those awful times.  

    I used to think that losing Dane was the worst thing to ever happen to me, but I was so very wrong about that.  Wrong in so many ways.  It was horrible to lose my little Jax.  Just like it was horrible to lose his father.  

    That was the other time of year that made my depression worsen.  I had the dates I spent in Jax’s tent committed to my memory, and I would always mourn the loss of that man on those two days.  I didn’t cry as hard as I did during the month of little Jax’s birthday, but I still cried a lot.

    Finally, the time was nearing for me to get released, and I couldn’t wait to find out what happened to my cub.  I had three months left, then I would be free to take little Jax and leave the Jungle Pack for good.

    I was sitting with my back propped against the wall, thinking about where I was gonna go when Lance suddenly appeared on the other side of the cell bars.  It was the first time I’d seen him since I gave birth to Jax, and he looked exactly the same except for the dark circles under his eyes.

    With a blank face, I nonchalantly asked, “Have you come to take the little bit I have left away from me?”

    “No, Alana.  I have come to find out what your plans are upon being released.  You know, you can’t stay on this territory,” he casually informed me.

    “No s**t, Lance.  You aren’t telling me anything that I don’t already know.  What you need to tell me is where in the hell you took my cub!  He was the only reason I had to stay alive at that point, and you took him without a word.  It’s been over four years!  Why have you done such a horrible thing to me, Lance?  You’re supposed to be my brother!” I screamed in a sudden fit of rage.  I swear he knew just what buttons to push.

    “Yeah and you’re supposed to be my sister!  How could you betray all of us the way you did?  Don’t worry about the cub!  He is being taken care of by a wonderful couple, and he is happy.  That’s all you need to know, Alana,” Lance angrily retorted before spinning on his heel and stomping away from my cell.

    I was left momentarily speechless, as I thought about the fact that my little Jax was still alive, giving me a reason to fight for my life once I left the protection of the dungeon.  

    It was the happiest I had felt since holding my precious cub on the day he was born.  I knew he would no longer be infant sized, but that wouldn’t stop me from giving him the biggest hug ever and smothering his perfect, little face with kisses.  Just the thought of doing that brought a genuine smile to my otherwise pale and dreary face. 

    I finally had something special to look forward to.  The only problem was gonna be finding out where little Jax was living and finding a way to get him back.  I know that could prove to be extremely tricky, but I had a newfound determination to make it happen, no matter what the cost ended up being.

    My cub was a top priority for me, and I refused to keep living my life without him in it.  He should know his birth mum, and I felt like I should have the chance to raise him.  

    First, I would have to get settled somewhere and make sure I had a safe home for us to live, then I would be the best mum ever.  I would make sure little Jax had everything needed, and he would always know that he’s loved.  That was my new dream, and I had to stay strong and vigilant for my son.