How Can I Make You Love Me?

"Maniwala ka naman sa akin, Stuart! Please!" nagmamakaawa kong sabi sa kanya. It hurts like hell and though I know kasalanan ko kung bakit kami nagkaganito gusto ko pa ring magpaliwanag sa kanya kung ba't ko nagawa ang mga nagawa ko. "Shut up with your lies, Shin! How long are you going to deceive me? Hanggang kailan mo ako lolokohin? At bakit pa kita bibigyan ng pagkakataon para magpaliwanag? Para mabilog mo ulit ang ulo ko? You know how I feel right now? I feel like crap! We've known each other for God knows when. You're the only person that I allowed to invade my personal space. You're the only one, Shin! You're the only one! How can you do this to me?!" galit niyang sigaw sa akin. Dinampot niya ang lamp shade sa may bedside table at itinapon ito sa dingding ng kwarto nya. Halos durog na ito nang malaglag sa sahig. Takot ang una kong naramdaman sa ginawa nya. This is the only time I saw him like this. He was always been so sweet and kind to me. But because of what I did. I turned him into a monster. He is not the gentle Stuart I knew. And it is my fault. This is entirely my fault. "Please naman, Stuart. Listen to me naman. I can explain everything naman, eh. Just please listen to me. That's all I asked of you." I can't give up right now. He's the only one I have. I already lost my parents and I can't afford to lose him too. "No! You have all the time in the world before. Kung meron ka ngang matinding rason to do this. You should have informed me already. But you didn't! Instead ito pa ang ginawa mo! Now, get out! Get out, Shin!" "You can't do this to me, Stuart. Please hear me out!" I don't want to give up. I know eventually, he'll let me explain. I just have to be persuasive. "Oh, I can, Shin just watch." Aniyang hinila ako sa pagkakaupo sa kama at kinaladkad ako pababa sa hagdanan. "Wag, Stuart! Nasasaktan ako! Buntis ako for goodness sake!" Hagulhol ko sa kanya. He paused without looking at me. Napasalampak ako hagdan habang walang tigil sa kakaiyak. I can' t bear to lose my child. I can't! Lumuhod sya sa harap ko at hinawakan ang mukha ko gamit ang dalawa niyang kamay. Pinahid niya ang mga luha ko and I felt happy. Baka naman nagbago na ang tingin niya at pinatawad na niya ako dahil may anak na kami sa sinapupunan ko. Nagalit lang naman sya ng ganito sa akin dahil nalaman nyang plinano pala namin ang nangyari noong gabing lasing sya. He thought I took advantage of him kasi nalaman niyang matagal na akong may gusto sa kanya. Narinig nya pa ang sinabi ko sa kaibigan ko 'So, girl si Papa Stuart talaga ang naka-pop ng cherry mo? Nagkatotoo na din sa wakas ang dream mo, girl. How did you do that? To think dati-rati bff lang talaga turing sa'yo tapos ngayon aba lumelevel-up na.' Tanong ni Risha. 'No one can resist my charm, girl. You know naman yan. Saka you know naman na simpleng manyak si Stuart." Tumawa pa ako ng pagkalandi-landi. 'Saka kahit magkaibigan lang kami, he always believe in what I say. So kung malaman man nyang sinadya naming lasingin sya para may mangyari sa amin, keri lang sa kanya yun. Magagalit man yun pero gagamitan ko lang ng charm para ok na ulit kami. Ang dali lang kaya mauto nun.' 'Aba! Good luck dyan, girl. So praying ka na sana lumubo yang tiyan mo?" "Oo naman, girl para wala na talaga syang kawala sa akin. He's only mine and I'll do whatever it takes. Saka si Stuart pa? Bukod sa nanay nya ako lang pinaniniwalaan nun so kahit magsinungaling ako or magdrama, sa akin pa din maniniwala yun. Saka invited ka sa wedding, girl." "Ay, kaloka! Confident!" "Of course! I know how to play him in my hands. Saka you know sa bahay na nila ako nakatira so madali na ang lahat para sa akin." Nakangisi kong sabi. I regretted that moment dahil after I said that dumaan si Stuart sa gilid ko. Tiningnan nya ako nang matalim. And I know right there and then that he heard our conversation. That's why I ran as fast as I could just so I can explain to him. That conversation was plainly for fun and not intended to make him look like niloloko ko lang siya. I just wanted to tell Risha that I'll do anything for Stuart because I love him. Naabutan ko sya dito sa bahay specifically sa kwarto niya. "How long are you going to fool me, Shin? How can you be this cruel?" Kahit umiiyak at nanginginig ang kamay ko, I took the small rectangle and hand it to him. "I'm not fooling you, Stuart..." He took it. It's a pregnancy kit having two red lines. "So, your plans turned out so well huh?" sarkastiko nitong sabi. "And if the child you're carrying is really mine, sorry, but I won't marry you. I'll give the child a name and have him or her carry my name but that's all about it. I will never marry you. You already have my last name because you were adopted into this family. You will be a part of this family but will never be my wife." He stands up and turns his back on me. And I cried so hard. I want to explain myself to him pero bingi na siya sa lahat ng mga paliwanag ko. I never thought that this will be the end of what was supposed to be a happy day. Pero akala ko lang pala 'yun dahil everything now is falling to pieces. Kung sana'y pwede kong sabihin sa kanya ang lahat siguro ay hindi ito ang kalalabasan. If you only knew, Stuart... If only... Then maybe it will not turn out this way...