A prisoner to her own mind

the beginning of the depression

Julia Ruthson, a popular babe in high school. Her squad: Lisa, Brittney, Melissa, Brook, Robin and, of course, Julia. Her best friends out of all of them were Lisa and her brother Robin Leonna. Julia couldn't spend one moment without them. Everyone thought Julia was smart and funny and unstoppable, everyone thought Julia was perfect and always happy. But that was where they were wrong. You see Julia's father was in prison for murdering her aunt and baby sister. Her mom, Margret Ruthson, was a stay-at-home mom. She was also an alcoholic. Julia absolutely hated being home. She looked forward to weekends, because she got to spend them with her grandfather. She loved school days too, but only because of her small group of friends. Everyone envied Julia because everyone that was a leader of the friend group were always bitches. But she wasn't. She was sweet and kind and cared for everyone before herself. She had to hide her anxiety and depression and she hid herself when she knew she couldn't control her emotions, which upset her more. She hated that about herself. But she always put on a smile and went on with the day. She had so much on her plate, her father kept sending her letters that she didnt want to see her mom drunk anymore. It was hurting her to know it was her father's fault. She relapsed. She couldn't even speak to her. She would only forget what she had said 5 minutes later. Her grandmother kept pressing on about college and no one out of her friend group other than Lisa and Roben ever asked her how she was doing. No matter what Julia did, she felt she couldn't tell anyone everything that was wrong, she didnt want all the questions, she didnt want to be judged and she didnt want anyone treating her differently. That was until something that had happened that changed everything forever. Lisa had come over to her grandparents' house on a Sunday afternoon, and Lisa had trusted Juls with a bit of information. Lisa had lost her verginity to her crush chad and she was really happy about it and juls was happy for her she gave lisa a big hug and kissed her cheek and julia was thinking about that all night. how happy lisa was. Lisa went home that night and when she got home she got a call on her phone. It was chad he said he didn't love her anymore and that he was moving away to get away from her. Lisa didnt take the news well. She started to cry and then she started to scream and then she didn't care anymore. She felt numb. She had written a few letters and went to her fathers study.. and then she killed herself. She put the gun to her temple and shot herself. Julia couldnt sleep eat or even talk, when she found out. she couldnt do much of anything for weeks. when she was told what happened she let out a painful scream cry and she sobbed for hours. Lisa had written letters to everyone but no one got them for weeks because her parents pushed a investagation. there was a letter for julia, Roben and a joint letter for her parents and a joint letter for the friend group. her parents knew something was wrong because she was perfectly happy when they left. they were questioned julia was questioned roben was questioned it was a terrible time for all of them. finally a week went by and they were all alerted that chad Siondon was taken into custidy and then they all got their letters. julia was dreading opening them because she got hers and the friend groups. Roben was the only one Julia allowed herself to be around. Julia only allowed herself to be around Roben because otherwise she couldn't be sad and she couldn't show emotion and she didnt think she had the strength to do so. She didn't want anyone other than her grandfather and Roben around and that was because it was harder to feel emotions in front of other people for her. Roben opened his letter first and it said:

Dear Roben.. Please know that this isn't your fault. I love you so so much, I just cant pretend that that phone call didn't hurt me terribly. This is my goodbye. Please take care of mom and dad and, most importantly, Julia. I know she's not okay either. ss Lisa.

He broke down and made Julia promise to never harm herself like that. She broke down and promised. Then she read hers and she steeled herself, dear Julia, i love you babygirl! i know your not ok, i feel selfish leaving you like this but i am very heartbroken,and i cant pretend anymore, my life isn't perfect either love, and im sorry you felt you couldn't talk to any of us about whats wrong. please take care of your self and my brother. love you sweetheart goodbye. xoxo lisa.

her writing was shaky and there were teardrop stains on the paper, and a little bit of blood on the envelopes. The back of julias envelope said: i want you to read the group's letter to them please you are the group leader. Julia spent the next few months with robin. cuddles, noseboops, just making sure he had a smile on his face. At that point robin was her everything. they went to school together a week later. and Julia read the letter to the group. dear group of my faveret group of people, you guys were my everything, just know its chads fault im no longer here. he got what he wanted from me and i cant handle the pain and i just cant pretend anymore. im sorry you guys i love you. xoxo lisa.

it was hard for julia to keep her happy face on, but as soon as she was alone with robin again she broke down and he just held her for hours. he practically lived with julia after that, it was like pulling teeth trying to get him home. Julia loved his company because she finally had someone she could talk to. on the days robin wasnt around it was harder for her to cope, she would crawl into bed and cry and she wouldnt sleep or eat or talk or get up at all for anything until robin would come back into her room. at one point robins parents took him back for a whole two weeks, julia got super sick because of it, she couldnt get up even if she wanted to, it was so bad that CPS were called, and they took julia from her home and placed her in her grandparents house, which made her somewhat happy but the happy didnt last long. she fell right back into her depression, and it got really bad so bad that her grandfather put her on suicide watch. the whole time she was in the hospitle she kept asking for robin and no one was listening to her. then finally her grandpa took her home and she was finally with robin again and she begged him to never leave her side again and he promised her that he made arangements with his parents so that he could stay with her until every saterday so they both could have family time and then he would come back sunday night. she injoyd that plan and so did his parents and her grandparents. everyone thought that that was the end of her depression, but they were wrong....they were so wrong.