Dear Diary, I'm Finding Myself

The Flirtatious Side Of NYU

A week later, we’re all getting our assignments headed back to us. I barely managed to finish the damn thing. I stayed up really late to be able to hand it in on time, and I spent most of the day in some sort of trance.

Despite enlarging my doze of coffee and sugar every couple of hours. The caffeine didn’t hit me at all, because I slept like a baby the following night. Anyway, I managed to finish everything, even if I barely saw my boyfriend.

That said, it’s starting to frustrate me. I’m wondering what’s even the point of living together if we barely even see each other? I keep whining about it to my best friend, but she tells me we’re both in the same spot right now.

Okay, yeah, we are. And both Leslie and Aiden have their own part-time jobs to be able to pay expenses. Our parents earn quite the some of money, but it isn’t exactly unlimited. They have their own expenses to pay.

Leslie told me that it will soon pass once I get paid a little more for my internship. And when we stop having classes. You know, the midterms period. Or whatever it’s called. The study period. I don’t even know. God, I really suck at this college thing.

As I was saying before all that whining, I’m patiently waiting for my assignment to get back to me. I’m kind of nervous about it, because I know that I’ve picked the toughest work I could. And all because I wanted to show Cassie that I’m better than her. I feel a little petty about myself, really.

Well, it is what it is now, I gave in to my weakness at the moment, now I’ll see if it was worth it. Mr. Rodriguez is calling us by our first names once for change, and I’m patiently waiting to hear mine. He clearly has the assignments sorted by an alphabetic order. I know a few of my classmates’ surnames, so I put two and two together as I listen to who he calls.

Once I feel like it should be my turn soon, I’m surprised as the professor walks straight to me and places the paper on the desk. “Good job, Perrie,” he tells me, making me look up in wonder. Huh. He remembered my name.

As I meet his gaze, he offers me a small smile, before continuing his work. I return my gaze to the paper, realizing that I didn’t exactly do well … I did excellent! I mean, the big, shiny A on the top corner of my paper surely tells everything. Well, it’s an A minus, but I don’t really care. It still counts as excellent.

I can’t help but grin at myself. Well, well, Perrie. I’m seeing a pattern here. The sleepier I am, the later into the night I’m working, the better I do. A recipe for success. Just kidding, there’s no way I’d be doing this to myself, if I had any other choice.

As I wait for everyone else to get their assignments back, I’m watching Cassie’s reaction really closely. But I can tell she’s aware that I’m watching her. She’s struggling to maintain a neutral expression, but at the same time, she can barely wait to see what’s written on her paper.

As soon as Mr. Rodriguez calls her, she raises her hand with a small smile on her face, batting her eyelashes a little. Oh my God. Did she really just flirt with a professor in front of the entire class? Some people truly can’t be helped.

I let out a small sigh, then watch closely for any kind of reaction, as she lowers her gaze to her paper. But nothing. She just nods to herself, then looks up again, eyeing Mr. Rodriguez as he makes his way back to the front.

I turn back around, really curious about how she did. It’s a shame I don’t see that far. Maybe I should excuse myself and pretend that I have to go to the toilet. That way I could peek on her desk.

Ah, who am I kidding? She’d probably snatch that paper away or turn it to the other side around before I could even throw my eyes her way. She knows how badly I want to see if I beat her. I can’t help myself. It’s an unwritten competition.

Yeah, I know how unhealthy it is. But she started it. Last year, with those writing contests. I can’t believe it will be a year already. I’m forced to pull myself out of my thoughts as Mr. Rodriguez begins the lesson.

I listen carefully, because we’re already getting instructions for our next assignment, and I can hear quite a few of my schoolmates complaining behind me. I smile to myself. They barely understood what he wanted from us with the first one, and now we already have to write a second.

I’m not bothered by it, though. I’m kind of glad he’s letting us pick up grades like this. I like this better than having to study my ass off for an exam, just to forget everything that I’ve stacked up in my head, as soon as I leave the classroom.

The lesson starts dragging a little, but I force myself not to lose my focus. Mr. Rodriguez talks and moves from subject to subject so quickly that I can’t afford not to follow along. At least not if I want to pass his class.

I’m getting ready to leave the college later in the day, when we finish Mr. Rodriguez’s class. But before I do leave, I have to use the restroom. I walk down the hallway, doing my business, then walk past the lecture hall again, in order to get to the exit.

However, as I hear voices from inside, I stop in my tracks. That’s Cassie. Oh! This is my chance! Maybe her assignment really wasn’t all that good. I have to find out.

I stop, making sure that I’m not seen from the inside, since the door is open. As I hear her speak, I realize something’s off. Mr. Rodriguez is talking normally. They’re discussing her assignment. And what she can do to improve her writing. And general understanding of chosen works.

Ah-ha! I knew she didn’t do well! But as I realize what’s so off about this whole conversation, my jaw drops. She’s using the flirty voice! I can clearly hear it now! It’s what sounded so off-putting earlier, when I couldn’t put my finger on it!

“…maybe I could use your help. If you do help out students in your spare time, I would really appreciate it, if we could meet up,” she tells him. I raise my eyebrows in surprise. Okay, now that was crossing a line.

There’s no way she’ll get out of this now. He must have realized that she’s trying to seduce him. I mean, how could he not? He’d have to be deaf in order to miss the open flirtation inside her voice.

But as soon as he speaks up, I feel like slapping myself on the forehead. “Oh, I don’t do tutoring. I have assistants for that. But if there’s anything you don’t understand with the instructions, or if you find yourself lost while writing, you can always come to me. I will help you out, of course,” he assures her in a soothing tone.

His response makes me roll my eyes. Men. How can they be so blind? I mean, she could basically sit on his lap and he still wouldn’t find her actions flirtatious. Or would he? Judging by what I just heard, I’d say no.

“That’s a shame. I really hoped you’d be able to offer some personal insight into the subject you teach,” she replies, making me feel the need to barf. “If you change your mind, you can always tell me. I’ll gladly accept your tutoring,” she then adds.

Okay, if he doesn’t realize it now, he never will. “Sadly not, Miss Wagner. But as I said, if you have any trouble with the new assignment, you can ask away,” he tells her. Wow. Some people are just naïve.

“I’ll start working on it first. Then I’ll see how much I understand. Thank you, professor,” she tells him in a tone that he probably hears as a polite one. What I hear, is one last despair attempt of Cassie, trying to get her way with him.

“Alright. It’s not a problem. Have a nice day,” he responds, and I draw in a sharp breath, as I realize they’re coming this way. Crap. What do I do? What do I do?!

As a last resort, I tiptoe as far back as I can, then start walking from the direction of the restroom, like I wasn’t just eavesdropping on them. As soon as Cassie notices me, she narrows my eyes in suspicion. She stops in her tracks, almost making Mr. Rodriguez bump into her.

I act before I’m able to stop myself. “Hey, Cassie, can I speak with you for a moment?” I call out, realizing that she’ll run away if I don’t quicken my pace a little. But she stops in her tracks and doesn’t even move away, when Mr. Rodriguez brushes past her, starting to lock the door of the lecture hall.

“Sure,” she finally remarks slowly, making me nod in response as I stop in my tracks. Mr. Rodriguez doesn’t even notice the tension in the air. She simply steps away from Cassie and looks at me.

“Goodbye, girls,” he tells us, and we greet him back. I watch his disappearing back, as he walks away, before turning my gaze back to Cassie. She’s going to hear it now. I can’t believe she just hit on a professor!

As I make sure Mr. Rodriguez can’t hear us anymore, I narrow my eyes at her. “What do you think you’re playing at?” I ask, making her raise her perfectly plucked eyebrow at me. She crosses her arms against her chest.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to imply,” she remarks, clearly fully aware of the fact that I eavesdropped on their conversation. Of course, what else would I still be doing here in the hallways? It’s not like I was peeing for ten minutes.

“Oh, I think you know exactly what I’m trying to say here. Don’t play dumb. You were hitting on him,” I accuse her, not giving her a chance to defend herself, because I already continue. “I mean, come on, he’s a professor!” I declare self-righteously, making her narrow her eyes at me.

“First of all, mind your own damn business. This isn’t high school anymore. We’re all adults,” she claims, then eyes me head to toe in a cynical way. “Well, at least we’re supposed to be, because some of us clearly aren’t,” she then adds.

I don’t let my blood boil over her petty attempt to throw me off guard. “Listen to me. I won’t let you ruin a capable professor’s life, like you tried to ruin mine,” I fight back, trying to use a threatening tone. But let’s be real, I’m a teddy bear. I don’t know how to threaten people.

My words make her freeze, then widen her eyes in realization, like the holy spirit just shone through her. “Oh my God. You’re into him, too!” she exclaims, making me stiffen in surprise. What the hell made her think that?

Is it so wrong that I’m trying to protect a professor, who’s actually capable and knows how to teach? I’m trying to make sure he stays at NYU because I like his way of teaching! Not because I have a strange obsession over him, like Cassie does!

But before I’m even able to open my mouth, she already goes full rage-mode. “Don’t you dare try to snatch him away! I saw him first! You can’t have everything I want!” she burst out, her eyes glistening like she’s gone completely cray-cray.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I have a-”

“A boyfriend?! Yeah! Keep your paws away from Daniel! I’m only going to warn you once!” she keeps hissing at me, while I try my best to tell her that I’m not interested in our literature professor! Not at all! I’m just trying to make sure he keeps his job, so I actually learn something from this class!

“You’re unbelievable, I’m not into-”

“Stop lying! I can see that you like him! Why are you so jealous of me?! Why do you want everything that I see?!” she keeps raging. A year ago, the old Perrie would do everything in her power to make sure that Cassie would understand what she’s trying to say. But the new Perrie doesn’t give a flying fart anymore.

I just roll my eyes at her and start walking. “You’re delusional,” I inform her as I’m moving past her, making her continue screaming after me, but I’m not listening anymore. She can fight with herself for all I care. I’m not here for it anymore.