Burn So Bright

1 Suzanne Finnegan always had a plan. And a backup plan—sometimes several. In her opinion, planning was essential for a happy life and for success in anything. Take the Y’s Outdoor Education fundraiser she’d spent the past few weeks planning, and which was now drawing raves from the guests. Words like “spectacular,” “sensational,” and “fabulous” were wafting through the well-dressed crowd gathered on the grounds of the Jupiter Point Observatory. Every detail, from the damask tablecloths to the pink champagne flutes, was exactly how she’d imagined it. Every detail except one. Logan, her fiancé, was once again missing in action. She fixed her gaze on a red balloon, part of the bunch that marked the entrance to the kids’ area. Not only was Logan missing, but he’d dropped a bombshell on her right before the start of the party. She’d had to shove it aside so she could focus on her job. But now that everything was underway, his shocking words kept flooding back to her. Free pass. Free pass. FREE PASS??? “Okay, sweetie, this is getting dire. You have to stop glaring at your party guests.” Evie McGraw, Suzanne’s newly in love and disgustingly happy cousin, steered her behind a potted ponderosa pine. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been planning this event for so long, and it came out great. You should be dancing a jig right now.” Suzanne could barely look at Evie. The glow of her joy was just too much. “I don’t want to rain on your love parade, Evie. Just go be happy and don’t worry about me.” Evie’s silvery eyes widened. “Let me guess. Is it Logan?” If she wasn’t such a genuinely kind and compassionate person, it would be hard to be related to someone as beautiful as Evie. But Suzanne had very few family members who had actually stuck around in her life. So her relationship with Evie meant the world to her—more than Evie knew. “You can skip the ‘I told you so.’” Suzanne signaled to a passing waiter, who nodded as he headed to refill his tray of sushi rolls. “I’m sure it’s just normal engagement jitters.” “I didn’t say anything.” “It’s written all over your face in big capital letters. I know you don’t like Logan. Hang on.” With an eagle eye on the area roped off for kids’ games, she spoke into her little walkie-talkie to one of the other volunteers. “Someone needs to liven things up in the kids’ area. They look like they just got assigned homework.” Evie raised her eyebrows. She was wearing a lilac linen sheath dress and had a camera slung over one shoulder. “So back to those jitters…” Suzanne whooshed out a breath, wishing she could expel all the hurt in her heart with that one exhale. “I don’t want you to be mad at him. That’s my job.” “I promise to try not to, is that good enough?” Evie waited patiently, but Suzanne wasn’t quite ready to spill her news yet. “Where’s Sean?” At the mention of her new boyfriend, Evie lit up. “He’ll be here. They just got back from a fire in Utah this morning. They have to debrief, unload their gear, do inventory, all sorts of details like that. But they’re planning to come.” “They?” A funny little jump of excitement twisted in her stomach. Sean Marcus, Evie’s boyfriend, was the leader of the new wildfire crew that had just moved into Jupiter Point. Through Sean, Suzanne had gotten to know the other members a bit. Actually, one of them in particular had quickly made himself one of the most popular people in town. Josh Marshall’s charm did nothing for her, of course. She had no idea why everyone liked him so much. All he did was joke around like a boy who’d never grown up. A six-foot-plus, blond-streaked, more-fun-than-should-be-legal boy. “He’s bringing a few of the guys, I’m not sure who.” Oh great, now she’d be wondering if and when Josh was going to show up. Ugh—never mind Josh. He wasn’t her type of person. He wasn’t serious about himself and his future. Not like Logan, who was studying for the California Bar Exam and was sorting through job offers. And who had just knocked her world upside down. “Have you ever heard of the concept of a ‘free pass’?” Suzanne lowered her voice to pose the question to Evie, who was in the midst of framing up a photo of the strings of twinkle lights shaped like stars. Evie clicked off a few shots. “In what sense?” “Well, Logan just dropped this whole idea on me. He says that since we’re getting married, and we’re about to swear off all other s****l partners for life, we should agree to a free pass now, while we’re still just engaged.” Evie lowered the camera, revealing an expression of horror. “You might have to spell this out for me. You’re saying he wants to sleep with other women until you get married?” Suzanne winced. It sounded terrible when Evie phrased it like that. “He’s being practical. We’re still young. Isn’t it better to get it out of our system now than to cheat later on?” “Why isn’t it cheating now? He’s your fiancé.” “He says it’s only cheating if he’s doing it behind my back. He doesn’t want to do that, so he came to me first. He said that’s the only part of being married he’s worried about. So he wants to deal with it now rather than later when it could ruin our relationship.” It had made sense when Logan explained it—sort of. “Think of it as a preemptive strike,” he’d said on the phone, just minutes before the party started. “It’s better to face facts head-on. I’m a man. I’m facing a lifetime ban on s*x with other women. That could breed resentment and everyone knows resentment is a relationship-killer.” Luckily, the conversation had taken place on the phone so he couldn’t see her slamming her cell phone repeatedly into her passenger seat. “I don’t know, Logan,” she finally managed when she got control of herself. “What’s the point of being engaged if you’re going to…” She didn’t even want to say it out loud for fear she’d lose it and yell at him. “Not just me. This applies to both of us. Listen, sweetheart. You’re the one I want to marry. Our life is going to be exactly what you always wanted. Everything will be how you planned it after the wedding. I’m being very honest with you. Isn’t that worth something?” Yes? No? She didn’t know what to think. Her mind had been in a whirl ever since that conversation. Logan was everything she wanted in a husband—or so she’d thought. He had the same goals she did. A stable, successful life, a home, eventually a family. Not too soon, they both agreed. Only when the time was right and they could afford to give their children absolutely everything they needed. Her dream was to give her kids the happy childhood that had been ripped away from her. And Logan could make that happen. But only if she went along with this free pass idea. The alternative—losing Logan—ugh, she didn’t want to consider that. She was tired of dating, tired of facing life alone. She’d been alone since the age of fifteen. Everyone thought she was the town social butterfly, but in her mind, she was more like the town chicken with its head cut off. Logan’s proposal had made her so happy. So what if their chemistry was off and they didn’t laugh at the same things? They wanted the same things. Logan was her future. She needed to be practical. No, she wasn’t going to let this little pothole derail their relationship. Stick to the plan. “He’s trying to save our relationship from future resentment,” she told Evie with all the confidence she could muster. “I think it’s very reasonable.” “He’s a lawyer.” Evie put her camera lens cap back on. “He can make anything sound reasonable.” “Yes, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t reasonable.” “Well, how does it make you feel? That’s the most important thing.” Like screaming. Like stomping her feet. Like throwing Logan’s diamond ring down a gutter…well, maybe not that. Suzanne appreciated nice things and didn’t like waste. “Like I just slipped on a banana peel and fell on my ass,” she admitted. “In that case, you need one of these.” Their friend Brianna appeared, with three champagne flutes clutched in her hands. She handed them out one by one. Normally Suzanne didn’t drink during an event that she had planned. But this one was basically done, and dammit, she could use a mood-lift. She took a sip. “Just so you know, you are enjoying the best of Napa Valley’s new sparkling champenoise, with a hint of blackberry liqueur, just enough to provide a refreshing tartness but not enough to overwhelm the palate.” Details. It always came down to details. Brianna took an enthusiastic swallow—more of a gulp, really. “Nice. Great party, Suzanne. I just wish the kids were having more fun. Can’t we set up a volleyball game or something for them?” Suzanne drained the rest of her champagne and squinted in the direction of the play area. Half a dozen kids slouched around two picnic tables. Most were staring at their phones, looking bored. “I know, they look like they’re on detention. I arranged for balloon animals and face-painting. But none of them are going for it.” Now that she looked closer at the kids, she saw they were older than she’d anticipated. None of them had a speck of paint on their faces—not counting the emo-Goth boy with all that black eyeliner. The balloon animal artiste sat off to the side, looking at his own phone. “I think they’re a little past balloon animals,” Brianna said dubiously. Suzanne tugged her lower lip between her teeth. Okay, so that one detail hadn’t gone so well. “Oopsies. You know, I wouldn’t mind a balloon animal. A sad panda or something.” She craned her neck, looking for another waiter with more champagne. Evie and Brianna both laughed. “You’re adorable, do you know that?” Brianna pinched her cheek, which seemed ironic considering that she was about a foot shorter than Suzanne. “Do you want me to get something going for them? Charades is always fun.” Suzanne shrugged and tipped the flute to her mouth. She couldn’t drum up any enthusiasm for this party anymore. Logan had promised to be here to lend support. Instead he was in Palo Alto, probably taking full advantage of his free pass. Details. Details were important. What did the details say about Logan?