Dealing With Trouble

Chapter 8?

I turn the camera to them both, laughing. "Jane and Kylan are here. They attend my school."

"Hey," says Kylan.

"Hey," Jane says as she follows, scrunching her nose. "Is that the current weather in New York? You appear to be in the Upside Down."

Jamie's voice is perplexed as he asks, "The Upside Down?"

"Yeah. You know, like in Stranger Things?"

"Oh, yeah," he laughs, but Jamie hasn't seen Stranger Things, and it's not like him to lie. "I gotta get going, Madz," he says, so I return the camera to me.

"I'll call you later," I promise.

"I can hardly wait."

Jane leans across the table in delight as the phone call ends. "He's adorable. Have you had any s*x yet?"

I almost choked on my garlic bread.

What if I don't?

It's not that I'm a prude; it's just that I'm not used to discussing these topics with strangers. Jamie is the only other person I talk to, and we don't talk about it all that often. I've been thinking a lot about s*x this year, and why Jamie and I haven't taken that step despite dating for nearly a year. We're not religious, we're not waiting for marriage, and while he's pushed for it a few times, I've never felt ready to give up that part of myself.

"You haven't, have you?"

"I haven't," Kylan responds. "Zion and I would like to wait."

"I have," Jane says, leaning across the table as if she's about to reveal a secret. "I dated Lucas for a year before his family relocated to Kentucky. Megan, you should have seen me. We were constantly professing our undying love for one another. We didn't talk for a week after he moved. I was so upset by it all that I ended up kissing JEREMIAH Chastener at a party. Do you believe it?"

For a brief moment, I remain silent. I pause for a moment to digest her monologue. I'm not used to people like Jane, who can give such personal information to a complete stranger. But perhaps that is how we all begin. Perhaps we just go around blindly trusting until we discover why we shouldn't.

When I notice she's still staring at me, I ask, "Is that why you don't like him?"

She scrunches her nose once more. "I dislike him because he was rude to my friend. I mean, she cheated on him now, but he was a jerk to her before that. Caitlyn only ever talked about how much they'd fight."

"Remember, Caitlyn had a habit of exaggerating," Kylan says.

Jane sighs and rolls her eyes. "Whatever. He's a scumbag."

"I don't get it," I say, "Dane doesn't seem like the type of guy to steal someone's girlfriend from what I've seen."

She bites her lower lip. "You haven't heard anything from me, okay?"

Kylan extends his hand as if to signal a halt.

"This isn't your story to tell, Jane."

Jane turns away from her and faces me. "Dane and Caitlyn were best friends except for the fact that Dane was madly in love with her. Then JEREMIAH and Caitlyn get together, which was practically unheard of for JEREMIAH; he never went out with just one girl. JEREMIAH, on the other hand, lost his father around the same time and began acting like a jerk. I suppose the closer Dane and Caitlyn became as JEREMIAH spiraled. JEREMIAH became an even bigger jerk as a result, and he hasn't been with anyone since. Dane and Caitlyn dated briefly, but when her family relocated last year, she lost contact with everyone."

Even though I feel terrible for Caitlyn, a part of me also feels terrible for JEREMIAH. He had both his father and his girlfriend die at the same time. That had to be difficult.

""Now, are you going to college?" Kylan asks. “Which ones did you choose?"

My entire body tenses. While most people look forward to college, it has always been a sore subject for me. My parents were not unsupportive of my decisions; on the contrary, they were. They followed me around college after college, took me to my interviews, and helped me prepare. But, as excited as they were for me, I could never match their enthusiasm. The colleges I wanted to attend were far away, which meant leaving Mom for months at a time—something I couldn't do.

In the end, most of the colleges I applied to were nearby. There were a few colleges that were a little further away on my Never going to happen but a girl can dream list. Even if I was accepted, I knew I'd never take it, but it was enough to know they wanted me, that all of my hard work had paid off.

At least, that's what I thought at first. When my acceptance letters arrived, I realized I'd been accepted to my dream school, UST. It wasn't enough to know that they wanted me anymore; I needed more. Only now, as I sit here talking about it, do I realize that UST is no longer a pipe dream, but rather a viable option. L.A. is our new beginning, and with UST only a short distance away, there is only one thing standing in my way.

"I'm considering accepting my offer from UST," I explain, "but my boyfriend wants us both to go to NYU."

As the couple makes a funny face, I say,

"What?"

"Nothing," Kylan says, but she has a serious expression on her face. "I'm just wondering if you're certain you want to attend the same college as your high school boyfriend. What if you split up? College should be about figuring out where you want to go."

When I told Mom, she said pretty much the same thing. Don't use me as an excuse not to pursue your dreams, she'd warned, and don't let Jamie keep you here either. Whatever you do, do it for yourself and no one else. Even so, living for yourself rather than others is easier said than done.

We finish our meal, which Jane insists on paying for, and it feels like I've known them for years by the time she drops me off at home. I enter the house and look into the living room, where Layla and Taky are watching television. Taky has wrapped his arms around her and she is resting her head on his chest. It reminds me of my parents on their best days.

When Layla notices me hovering, she says, "Hey. How did you find your first day?"

"Good." I sigh. "Everyone is very nice."

She appears to be relieved. "I'm relieved. By the way, something came for you earlier. I've had to stop Taky about five times from opening it for you."

I take a look at the coffee table. My name is scrawled in gold calligraphy across the side of a crisp, white box with a pink ribbon around it.

Taky says, "The suspense has been killing me. Open it.”

Alarm bells sound briefly. As I pull the ribbon off and watch it unravel, my fingers tremble. Inside is a lovely thin-cut bracelet with silver charms.

"Wow," Layla exclaims. "Taky should be more romantic. As a romance writer, you'd think he'd be better at this, but instead, I get electric toothbrushes or snow tires for my birthday. Taky, we don't even get snow. When might I require snow tires?"

"Hey, I got you the toothbrush once. Plus, you're always talking about driving up to Canada. It snows there."

The pair go off on a tangent as I study my bracelet. My thumb gently traces the pieces of our history, a few of the charms winking at me as they catch the light. A sterling silver book to commemorate the first times we'd spoken in the library.

A tiny Stitch, for the first Disney movie I ever made him watch. I pause on the most important charm, resting in the center of the bracelet. A pair of ice skates, identical to the ones we'd worn on our first date to Rockefeller Center.

"Do you know how to ice skate?" he'd asked. It had only been a few weeks since we'd been talking -- mostly through messages-but now he was leaning against my locker, wearing that cute, boyish smile.

"Not without falling on my ass."

Jamie grinned. He leaned in closer as other students hurried to get to class.

"What if I took you ice skating and promised to let you hold on to me?"

My heart pounded. I'd vowed to myself that I would never have boyfriends, but weeks of Jamie calling me beautiful, of making me laugh, made me want to make an exception.

"What if I fall?" I asked.

"Then we're going down together," he

said seriously. "You fall, I fall."

I laughed in spite of myself, because it had only been last week that I'd made him watch my favorite movie, Titanic.

I still didn't understand how any of this happened. His attention baffled me, not just because he was popular, but because he was so handsome and social. He was the kind of guy who'd strike up a conversation with anyone, flitting between social groups like a butterfly

I was the opposite. I had people I sat with at lunch and walked to classes with, but there was no one I'd hang out with after school. Between extracurriculars and pretending to be happy, there wasn't much energy left for anything else.

"Okay," I said. "I'll go."

When Jamie showed up that weekend, my mother seemed nervous. This was the first boy I'd ever been out with, and I could tell she was wondering whether Jamie was another Dad; whetherI was destined to meet the same fate. It's what I kept wondering, too, but Jamie was the perfect gentleman. He politely introduced himself to my parents and spent the next ten minutes discussing the golden ratio with my father and photography with my mother. When it was times to leave, both my parents were smitten.

"Have fun," Dad said.

"Don't stay out late!" called Mom.

We headed to Rockefeller Center, making small talk on the subway. Jamie held my hand, and it felt warm and solid in mine. He chatted about his parents-his mom ran a makeup business and his dad was a lawyer and his favorite films. I learned he loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which was my favorite series of all times, that he spent every weekend at Tyler's, because his parents were always out, and he hated being alone. The more he opened up to me, the more comfortable I felt, and by the times we got to Rockefeller Center, it felt like I'd known him my whole life.

"I feel like I don't really know you," he said as we climbed up the stairs to the street level. "Tell me something no one else knows. Something real." He noticed my hesitant expression and said,

"I'll go first." He looked down for a moment at his hands, conflicted. "My ex cheated on me."

My eyes softened. "I'm sorry."

He nodded. " was in love, and I thought she was too. Obviously not." He looked up then, something vulnerable in his expression. "That's not something real, though. The something real is that you're the first girlI've wanted to open up to since then."

My heart swelled, like I'd somehow achieved something no other girl had. I thought for a minute about what I could tell him in return. I wanted to be as open and as vulnerable as he was, but there was a mental blockage that stopped me. Sharing your secrets never ended well.

"I like to make lists," I said. "With times frames that everything needs to be completed by. The girls in track saw one on my phone once and said I was crazy."

His face fell a little, but he tried his best to hide his disappointment. "They sound evil. Can I see one?

Without hesitation, I took out my phone, opened my schedule app, and handed it to him. He scanned the list without saying anything, and I began to wonder if he thought I was insane. But then he scrolled to the bottom, typed something, and handed my phone back to me. He'd made a schedule that said "Second date with Jamie."

I was still smiling when we arrived at Rockefeller Center, and the moment we stepped onto the ice felt like something out of a movie. As I leaned into his side, Christmas music blared from the speakers. He took my hand in his and turned to face me, sensing my anxiety.

"Do you believe me?" he inquired.

I was taken aback by the question. I'd only known him for a few weeks, so how could I put my trust in him? And yet, as he looked at me with those trusting blue eyes, I did.

"Yes."

As I clung to him, we moved slowly but steadily. I kept expecting him to become irritated by my slow pace, just like Dad did with Mom, but instead he was patient as little kids zoomed past us, spinning around on their skates.

"You're a natural," he said, and even though I knew he was lying, it made me happy.

As he drew me closer, I felt heat rush up my cheeks, as if I were blushing. He reached down and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, as if he was about to kiss me. And it surprised me how much I wanted him to kiss me, to the point where I imagined how soft his lips would feel on mine.

"Would you like to know something true?" I muttered.

He said, "Yes," against my ear in a low, soft voice. My heart pitter pattered in my chest as I took a deep breath. "I've never done anything like this before."

"Skated?" He smiled. "That's pretty obvious."

"No, been on a date. Liked... someone." His grin fell away, his serious eyes back. "I know it's not because you've never been asked out. Tyler said you turned him down a few months ago."

Nodding, I said, "It's just that-"Itook a deep breath, because this was the first time I'd ever be saying this out loud. And it seemed crazy to do it-I'd only been hanging but somehow he made me feel vulnerable. Safe.

"My parents have a toxic marriage. I guess I've been scared I'd end up that way too."He suddenly pulled me closer, his hand like a reassuring presence on my back.

"Thank you forI'd never hurt you." He tucked my hair behind my ear then, looked in my eyes, and kissed me.