HIS COMPULSION

Wishful Thinking

I spurred Burly and she started walking. She seemed to understand my pain, she was sad too. I pated her affectionately and she nickers in response.

“I Know girl… mama is sad today”

She neighed and walk across the vast meadow as i sat on her back in silence, swaying in motion of her movement. I looked around the landscape hoping all my pain disappeared with the wind.

The universe doesn’t seem to align with me. Bay was right, I am such a bad luck. It’s been Ten years since my mom left, and there have not been any sign of her, not even a word.

When I was a child, my parents fights could suck the oxygen out of a room. My mother verbally lashed my father, broke jam jars, and made outlandish threats. Her outbursts froze me in my tracks. When my father fled to work, the garage, or the woods, I felt unprotected.

There was no safe spot for me at home. I would often go somewhere else… either to Emily’s or work my ass off in the ranch to help clear my head.

Lately, Emily seem distanced. She has become very much occupied in her new relationship that she enjoys spending time with Ted instead of me.

Somehow I felt betrayed by my most trusted person. My love triangle was between us… I trusted her with that secret and she told it to Ted.

I adjusted in my saddle as Burly perked up her ears and walk quicker, almost throwing me off…

“wow! Girl, what was that for?”…

We reached the wooden gate framing a long driveway. There is a hanging sign that reads “SCHUYLER RANCH”. Burly leads out a grand entrance lined with wooden three rail-fence. On either side is a green pastureland dotted with cows. To the left is the huge red barn, where I spent my first night with Bay. Ahead on the left also, is a one story building rambler.

I sighted Emily scratching a little calf’s shaggy ears. I guided Burly up to the front of the rambler… Emily hurried to come help me climb down. I could see guilt written all over her face.

Anger clouded my vision and I hop down before she could reach me and start to wade towards the woods.

She was calling out to me, her voice growing increasingly urgent as she ran after me. I forced myself to keep going, blinking back tears.

“Hailey please wait… I am so sorry!” she kept apologizing as she run after me.

She was closing up to me before I made it to a shore behind the woods. I climbed into a small wooden bolt and she jumped in too… pulling me into a tight hug, I shrugged to break free but her grip was so tight.

“ I am so sorry Hailey”… she said snuggling her face on my neck. I pulled away from her, jabbing her chest.

"Stay away from me"...

The suffocating feeling I had been suppressing the past few days transforms into a burning rage.

“what are you sorry about? Is it the part you weren’t there when I needed you, or that you now put your boyfriend first before me, or that you no longer make time for me, or that you now leave my hand in the crowd to take Ted’s hand, or the part you told my darkest secret to him?”

“for everything! I am sorry for everything. Please Hailey, I can’t bear seeing you so angry at me… please forgive me”… she pleaded pulling me into a tighter hug. I leaned into her touch sniffling as I fight to button my wrecking emotions.

She pulled away slowly and cleaned the tears trailing my cheek With her thumb. She cupped my face and pinned her forehead against mine…

"I'm truly, truly.... Truly sorry"

"Why did you tell him?" I asked pulling away from her.

"There is no justification for what I did... No reason at all. It just leaked out. I promise, i will never repeat it again. Ever!

I drew a deep breath and reluctantly hugged her.

“you look beautiful when you cry too” she teases

I burst into a lingering laughter still sniffling.

“why are you so silly”?

“Hailey… you are my best friend in the whole world, and you mean so much to me. I hate to see you cry… even though you prettier when you do”

We both laughed. Laughing into each other faces as she cupped my face again. …. She gazed into my eyes as we both fall silent. Her gaze settled on my lips and I could swear that she was going to kiss me. She leaned in closer and closer... My brain tried to send word to my mouth, but all that came out is… “bird”… I said breaking away.

“what bird?”… she asked jostled

Emily ran a hand over her face and laced her fingers on her head to nervously brush it down.

We sat down on the floor, under a tree. I leaned my head on Emily’s shoulder snuggling close. A strong gust of wind rips through the woods spraying us with a light mist of leafs. For a moment, I forgot all my problems. Silence settled over the woods except the chirping sound of rodents, and the clapping of tree branches.

“you know… I think you should talk to him” Emily said. Breaking the silence!

“who?”…

“Bay! Tell him how you truly feel about him…you never know, he might be feeling same”

I gave a small smile and smirks… “I can’t”

“why not?”

“because, it’s not that easy. Moreover, he has a girlfriend”

Emily scoffs “ what girlfriend?... That peacock? Oh, please”

There is a loud rumbling noise behind us and we jolted up, frantically looking around for whatever it was.

“what was that?” Emily asked.

“I don’t know, but I think someone else is here”…

We saw a figured hiding behind a wood before racing off with speed. I couldn't figure if it was a human being or an animal.

“what is that thing?” I asked… my body shivering.

“I don’t know. We need to run”…

Emily and I started running towards the ranch beating bushes aside.

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