HIS COMPULSION

Darkness and Light

After the dinner at Schuyler’s, Jake dropped Emily off at her place before we headed towards my street. Jake kept his face stiff and expressionless throughout the drive, but something softened in his eyes.

How a dinner that started off with a flowing conversation got sour just when I thought I could not get enough of the delicious meal still baffles me.

I don’t know what is going on between Jake and Bay but its visibly, there is animosity between them. Jake casted me a look and snorted, the corner of his mouth curled up in a smirk.

I pointed at my house and he pulled up.

“I am very sorry you had to see that . The dinner didn’t go as I planned” he throws me an apologetic look.

“well, if you want my forgiveness, you can take me on a proper date” I said. Jokingly jabbing his shoulder.

“ I can arrange that”

I don’t know why he felt the need to apologize when it wasn’t even his fault. Bay was just being an ass like he has always been. I gave him a nod and came down from the car. I stood to watch him reverse, and when he was about driving off…

“you owe me 100 box Jake Schuyler” I yelled out

He let out a humorous laugh and zoomed off. I walked into the house and met my Dad eating steak and baked potato on the kitchen counter. I snaked my hands around his nake pulling him into a warm hug. I shrugged off my backpack and set it by the table.

“I haven’t been seeing enough of you lately Hailey” he said.

There is a trembling sadness in his voice. Ever since my mother left, he hasn’t been happy. He worked day in day out in the ranch and I knew that was just a way to distract himself. I felt guilty for our distance. We didn’t have a perfect father daughter relationship but we loved each other.

He had gotten so busy that the only time we’d talk is in the Ranch. Is either he is coming in late, or I’m late. We never had time to bond… there are a lot of things I am going through and would want to talk about it… things like when i first had my period to when I fell in love with Bay… Having a boyfriend… loosing my virginity… so much has changed about me and he doesn’t even see it.

I miss my mom so much… if she was here, she would pay detailed attention to my every development. She would have taught me to be strong

I watched my dad eat in silence for seconds before walking up to my room

**************

I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t. I stared at my ceiling through tears wondering why life is unfair to me… why Emily nearly kissed me and why Jake is overly nice to me. A lot of things playing in my small head at once.

“Hailey, time for school, breakfast is on the table”

I crawled up from the bed following by father’s voice. Had I slept in the middle of my thoughts? It didn’t feel like it. I quickly ran into the shower for a quick bath, and shimmed a dress on. I bended over, reaching for one of my Barbie-themed drawers to pull out my pant. Waves of shiver cut through my spine as Bay’s word raced back into my mind “I like seeing you with nothing on”… i exhaled and tossed the pant back into the drawer. I admired my self in the mirror before stalking out.

Before I could even say good morning to my Dad he was already at the door heading out. I sat on top of a stool and sullenly dug into the bowel of my cereal. The sound of a car horn broke the morning silence. Weird! I wasn't expecting any one with a car. I peered through the window. Outside, I spotted Jake waiting for me in the car, singing along as he blared Jason Mraz at the highest volume. I wasn’t expecting him to come back for me the next morning. I joined hm in the car and he started driving slowly.

“Morning fish!”… he gave me a half smile.

“good morning Jake” I looked over at him for an explanation.

“well… I thought driving you to school will help make up for what happen yester-night”

“you didn’t have to… but thanks though”.

*********

Moments later, he pulled into the school parking lot, my pulse quickened as I saw Bay and Dylan standing by the entrance with some of the basketball team members. Jake killed the engine and enveloped me into a hug. It was sudden. My hands came up to his chest with the intent of pushing him away, but I’m left dazed by his magnificent face structure, I leaned into his embrace for a second before pulling away.

I stepped out of the car and my eyes fell on Bay looking at me, brow furrowed. Did I make him jealous?

I turned my sight back to Jake and he wink at me before taking off in speed. Bay looked at me long and hard. I held his gaze hoping I don’t feel intimidated.

Emily and Ted catches up with me and walk by beside me

“Hailey, I’m really sorry about the other day in the cafeteria. I didn’t know it was going to bruise you”

“ It’s fine Ted… I can’t stay angry for long even if I want to”

Across the lot I sighted Claire with two of her best friends or should I say, her servants discussing. She shot me a glare that still managed to somehow look dazzling.

“when are you having your audition” Emily asked.

“what audition” I asked apprehensively

“didn’t you sign up for the music club?”

I gasped … I had lied about signing up for the music club. Now what?

“oh yeah! The music club… very soon…!” I said trying not to make eye contact cos she will figure me out

“well, do not forget to invite us”… Ted said.

“I sure will” I laughed humorlessly

“we have to go Hailey. I will see you during break period”…

With that, they both walked off and I headed towards the entrance. Stealing a glance at Claire again, and BOOM! Distracted… I ran right into someone’s back and I went sprawling through the sidewalk. Spilling my books. I find my face an inch away from a pair of white sneakers. I slowly looked up and saw Dylan. The whole of the group was staring right at me. I got up looking so embarrassed.

“clumsy much, huh?” Dylan said angrily.

“that is so hilarious” Brad said. Bursting into laughter.

They all started laughing.

“ is this what embarrassment feels like?... Girl! I’m so embarrassed for you. Falling flat on your ass must be so humiliating" Kennedy said.

I felt my face flushed in shame. If there is one popular thing Brad and Kennedy are known for, is belittling people. They have a long record of running into trouble, picking on people and bullying.

“ I’m so sorry, I was distracted” I said to Dylan.

“I think you ran into me on purpose… you wanted me to notice you, huh? Well, sorry farm girl! You aren’t my type”

The group goes gaga with heated laughter. My eyes landed on Bay, I wanted to read his face. He cast a glance at me with a stony-face. Brad looked me up and down like a scavenger examining a fresh carcass.

“well, I am in an open relationship. I heard that you are still a virgin. Never had a boyfriend. Never had s*x… I could help you out… just follow me to gym and I will teach you how to grind” he wiggled his hip clockwise mockingly.

“no one wants a girl that smells like cow poop, Brad” a guy next to Bay voiced.

“I don’t mind as long I have a nose mask and a hand glove on. Some job requires you to get your hands dirty” Brad growled.

A grumbling of laughter thickened the air. I wished to just disappear into thin air. He took a menacing step towards me. He was alarmingly close.

“let her go” Bay’s commanding voice froze Brad. For a second Brad stood paralyzed… he turned tail and moved back… I crunched down and started picking my books. I could feel eyes penetrating my skin like a dagger.

******

I entered Mrs. Gupta’s office during break period to sign up for the music club even though I did not want to be a part of it. But I had to in order to right the lie I told Ted and Emily. I stepped into Mrs. Gupta office and saw her going over some documents with Claire I wanted to turn my tail and run but Mrs. Gupta’s eyes swing up to me…

“HH! What are you doing standing there?… come in”

I walked up to her desk…Claire looked at me out of the corner of her eyes. She shaked her head and continued racking through the stashed papers.

“Mrs. Gupta, I want to sign up for the music club”

Claire’s hand paused for a second. She cleared her throat, adjusted on her seat and continued.

“can you sing or play any musical instrument HH?”

“yes! I can play guitar… sort of… and I can sing too”

“I will be the judge of that tomorrow.

“tomorrow?” I screamed out.

“audition is tomorrow Hailey. Got a problem with that?”

I shook a “no” head. She pulled out a list from her drawer and tossed it on her desk. I shrugged off my backpack from my shoulder. I brought out a pen and quickly wrote down my name and darted out. Tomorrow? I haven’t played the guitar for years and I’m not even a pro. I never learned to play. Just the basics I learnt from watching my mom play.

Aside working as a Matron at the general hospital, my mum also used to perform in a local bar during the weekends to make extra income but my Dad never approved of it. She and my Dad were in a band during their teenage days. That was were their love story started. Looking over the pictures they took together… they looked happy and so in love. How their love deteriorated to the level of my mum leaving … is something I haven’t found the answers to.

As I walked through the hall reading a text from Jake asking if he could come pick me up after school… Claire briskly walked pass me, deliberately bumping my shoulder. I fell hard against the lockers.

“oops! Sorry…” she gasped.

Before I could stand students are already gathering around us. She crouched and offered me a hand. She gave a sincere urging look and i reluctantly took her hand. She pulled me up closer to her eye level and whispered…

“we don’t need your kind in the music club” she said blazing dagger into my eyes. She let go of my hand and I fell back. I could here murmuring from student who clustered. Claire breezed off. Emily rushed and helped me to my feet. The students started to disperse

“Hailey are you okay?... What was that for?” she asked

“probably the music club. I warned you, didn’t I” Ted said.

My blood boiled with rage, but I collectedly buttoned my rage… taste for revenge smoked through my eyes. I was not considering going for the audition knowing that I do not have enough time to practice, but with what Claire did to me, I swore to get even.