Forget Me, My Alpha

Heavy breaths, Excessive night sweats, and my excruciating cries. I grabbed my shirt roughly, trying to tone down the heat that was forming inside of me. Again. It's happening again. Unfamiliar faces and places are flashing in my mind. I tried to push my memory to the limit so I could remember the random images. I want to keep a few pieces of it this time but I think it'll all be for nothing again. I keep pounding several spots on my torso, hoping it'll subside the burning sensation. Why does every time I dreamed about my past, it would always be this painful? I could’ve somehow endured it if this misery was for something but all I got were vague answers. When the heat has reached yet another level, I scratched deeper on my chest. A few bleeding marks have started to appear there. At this point, it would still be bearable for me but the exhaustion overwhelmed all the strength that I have left. I'm scared. What would happen if I overdo it? This isn’t something I wanted but was forced upon me. How long do I need to suffer to recover something I cannot even remember? or even wanted to? No. I need to do this. This is also one way I think would help me shift. My body arched as the growing pain spread all over. When the temperature rose again, it was anything but bearable. Instead of the heat going through my skin, it scorched directly from my bone and then out the surface of my body. I can't—can't take it... I-I thought I could b-but I was wrong. Help... Somebody...Please! Anyone! When I felt the coldness of another person's touch, I stopped calling. Their action helped me get some vitality back, relieving some of the pressure inside. Wanting to know who was behind it. I tried to ask who they were, not knowing that I was still not conscious to talk. W-Who? “—Rah." When I heard someone call my name, a hollow portion of this dark abyss I was in unexpectedly lit up. Instead of the light coming from where the voice is, it comes from the opposite side. “—Arah." his voice slowly intensified becoming more clearer for me to understand. I was torn between where to go and what to do. When I was still hesitating, the small opening gradually sealed. Then the sound of a familiar voice increased a decibel and I had no choice but to choose the other side. He squeezed his grip on my arms, noticing my eyes opening up. “Farah!" He yelled. “Z-Zeke.." I stuttered tasting some dryness in my mouth. I steadily straighten myself up. I woke up with no recollection whatsoever from the dream. “I failed to keep the memories again..." I mumbled to myself. My eyes were then locked at the sight of claw marks on the ground and trees beside me. “I'm sorry, I woke you all up." As I combed my hair in distress. Getting nightmares every day isn't new to me but these days, it just keeps getting worse. From a bad dream as a child to subliminal self-harm. I realize they gradually became more often as I aged and until now, I haven't had the slightest idea if there were my memory or my mind playing tricks on me. Every time I tried to fight it and force myself to wake up, it’d only make me sink deeper down a bottomless pit. My feet and hands felt restricted and I had no choice but to drown. “You haven't done anything wrong. It's your dream that's keeping you this way." He patted my head with a loose smile on his face. Zeke was always there every time I had this kind of nightmare. He never fails to help me. He would even come running in the middle of the night just to check if I'd been dreaming about it again. I sighed. Just how long do I keep being a burden to him like this? My sight went behind Zeke, noticing other pack members' expressions. There were people who looked uneasy and uncomfortable. Others were looking worried and concerned about me. It was obvious that they were bothered by what they'd witnessed before. I couldn't blame them if they started asking questions about my capability to lead them in the future. Seeing me anxious, Zeke comforts me. “It's okay. Everything's gonna be fine." I shouldn't have joined the hunt. I knew this would happen, but the chance I could finally shift was something I couldn’t let go of. “Sorry, I didn't listen to you. I shouldn't have come." I hugged my legs closer and laid my head down, hiding the regret on my face. I felt Zeke's arms around me, “I know you are here to prove yourself, prove to them that you are capable as their Luna but..." he breathed. “I need you to take it slowly. We still need to become the strongest to make our pack powerful one day. I need you to stay put and be safe until then." “I know...I just—" He cut me off as he brushed his finger against my lips. “Don't make me worry anymore." He caressed my face the last time and made his way to talk to the members of the pack. My name's Farah Wilder, Luna of the Cimmerian Pack. We don't have our territories so we settle on hunting, stealing, and invading small wolf packs to gather allies. Others may prefer to call us rogues as we live each day with the bounty of our heads and knives on our necks. Not once did I consent to stealing and hurting harmless werewolves, but Zeke always reminded me that this was the only way for us to survive. We have to protect anyone who's just like us, abandoned and considered inept. I've been with Zeke and this pack for six years. I don't know how old I was when he found me barely alive in the forest. Before I met him, I could hardly survive by myself. Knowing nothing of what happened, I just wander around wherever. I don't have any memories of who I am or where I came from. Zeke was the only one who resigned and burdened himself to take care of me, who was lost and unneeded. Despite the countless oppositions from his pack, he did not change his decision. To shut them off completely, he even declared that he would make me Luna when I reached adulthood. As the years went by, they found themselves finally opening up to me and becoming my family. Once, Zeke told me that he never found his mate but he knows she died before meeting her because he felt it. Though we are not related, I always treat him as family and look up to him. I already expect that those feelings will grow someday and it did. He planned to make me Luna but I don't have any idea if he feels the same way I do. Though pack members have finally welcomed me here, I am still too far off from being their Luna. If remembering my past would help me get my wolf and lead properly then I'd work hard to get it.