His Divine Queen

The News

Arabella groaned as she read the latest letter she had received from Kylia who was currently at the military camp in the Unknown Lands. It seemed that the latest shipment of supplies had been attacked, an unidentified force taking both the carrier’s lives and the food that they were meant to be delivering. Mulling over her what to reply, Arabella eventually reached for a fresh piece of parchment to start penning a response, promising a new shipment would be sent in the next few hours. This would buy her a few more days of happiness from the troops, but she knew she would have to look into it soon. Just another catastrophe to add to her ever-growing list.

Arabella tried to be optimistic, but recently she found it harder to do so. The struggles of her newly established Monarchy coupled with these recent attacks were all that she seemed to think upon and, regardless of what she tried to do, nothing ever worked out in her favour.

Just as she was finishing signing her name, a knock resounded around the room. The sudden noise startled her, her head rising to look at the intruder as the door swung open. Demetri stood at its other side, smiling apologetically to his Queen as she frowned slightly towards him.

“Excuse me, my Queen, but the doctor is here to see you.”

Arabella froze, her fingers whitening around the pen in her grasp as her heart rate suddenly picked up. The doctor, which must mean… Oh Goddess, what news did he have for her?  

She cleared her throat, dropping her pen onto her desk as she straightened in her seat. “Let him in please, Demetri,” she instructed, watching with hawk eyes as her trusted guard bowed to her before leaving through the doorway, only for the old doctor to stumble through its frame.

This man either came baring news that would quell her recent fear, or would only add fuel to it. And, if it were true, what would happen next?

“My Queen,” the doctor croaked out, stooping at the waist as he slowly made his way to the chair in front of her desk. She nodded to him, staying silent as she watched him progress unhurriedly towards her. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach, knowing that the news he would bring her could change her whole life, for the better or worst she did not know. His sluggish gait unnerved her greatly, a sudden want overcoming her to push him into the chair quickly so they could begin the conversation that loomed over her like a dark cloud. Instead, she settled for shaking her leg underneath the desk, wishing for a distraction until the old doctor could get to his point. 

Eventually, she couldn’t bear to wait any longer, taking a deep breath and asking abruptly, “So, is it true?”

The doctor hesitated, gathering his leather suitcase into his lap before he nodded quickly, keeping his eyes fixated on her mahogany desk in front of him.

She thought that she would feel relieved that she knew for sure, that suddenly all her fears would leave her because they’d come true… But all she felt was numb, completely empty as she pursed her lips together in an attempt to keep a straight face.

“I’m so sorry, your Highness. I wish I could come baring better news, but… I’m afraid there is nothing we can do about it. There is little chance of you ever having a child of your own – my team have attempted everything we can think of, but your body is just not meant to handle it. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you doctor,” she acknowledged, ducking her head down to peer at her whitened hands shaking in her lap. She had hoped to hear better news. That her fears had only been just that – musings of a stressed woman imagining something was wrong. She had been right all along, but she wished with her whole heart that she had not been. Because with this knowledge, came a new fear – one of loneliness and despair. Would Lorcan leave her? Would he want a child and, because she can’t give him one, leave her to find another woman?

The doctor paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts before he sputtered out, “There is always adoption! There are plenty of children here in the city in need of a loving home. I’m sure you and the… Prince would make an amazing family for them.”

Arabella sent a grateful smile to the old man, nodding her head in agreement and replying softly, “Yes we could, I suppose. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, doctor.”

The doctor recognised her polite dismissal, offering his heartfelt condolences once more before he left, bowing smoothly as the door shut with a finality behind him. And in doing so, taking the last hopes she’d had for a family with him.

So, that was it. She told herself, standing up abruptly and wandering over to her window that overlooked the gardens. She could never have a family of her own, her own flesh and blood running around her feet. She would never experience what it was like to carry her own child, to hold its newborn body in her arms, to share that magical experience with Lorcan.

He had no idea. She’d only had a little inkling herself, but had wanted to get it checked before she worried him with her troubles. She had first thought about it during her marriage with Alaric, all those months that they had been intimate and yet she had not experienced anything. And now she had been with Lorcan for a few months, yet still had not felt any different. It could have just been bad luck, but now she knew the truth and it absolutely broke her heart.  

There was that fear inside her now, selfishly telling her to keep this information to herself. That if he didn’t know about her condition, he couldn’t leave her for someone else. It was selfish of her, she knew, but it was one that had gripped her in her clutches and kept her wallowing in its misery.

Her work forgotten behind her on the desk, Arabella smiled as she eyed the setting sun that cast a brilliant golden light upon the garden beneath her. This was such a beautiful time of day, one that she would try to appreciate whenever she had the chance. It was a reminder that nothing lasted forever, that just as the sun had to set at the end of every day and would rise again the next morning, her fears and tribulations would not remain with her forever. At some point, they would also have to release their grip on her to fall underneath the horizon, and finally let her rest.

She had always imagined herself as a mother; doting on her children always and protecting them from anything and everything. She had promised herself that she would love them in the way that she had not experienced with her own mother until the very end. But it seemed that it was just another thing that she would not get to experience. The joys and trials of being a mother, the sick mornings, the happiness of finally holding her own child in her arms. Yet one more piece of normality that had been ripped away from her before she’d even had a chance to taste it.

Arabella shook her head slightly, trying to pull herself out of those depressing thoughts. She should be grateful – she had everything anyone would ever want. She had a loving man, the craziest best friend, a nice home, and citizens that were looking up to her to guide them. She had everything, and barely had any time left to try and raise a child, regardless. She was just being silly, she was loved by so many, received that love every night from the man who made it his life’s mission to appreciate her.

So then, why did she feel so alone?