Hanleigh's London

Chapter 5: He's Watching Me Or Maybe Not

Cameron has disappeared off somewhere with a pretty blonde girl he found the last time he went to get us more drinks, so now it is just me and Tallulah.

I've drunk more tonight than I ever have before, I've smoked my first cigarette - although I think it will also be my last; I didn't really like it - and as Tallulah keeps reminding me the night is not over yet.

Tallulah keeps trying to hook me up with every random guy that comes by our booth to hit on us. It's a tad embarrassing and I think I might have spent most of the night blushing.

"What I don't understand is how it is so easy for Ali..."

We finished writing the list about an hour ago and now several drinks drunk and a few rules broken later, I'm complaining about the unfairness of the whole thing.

"I just don't get how she breaks all their rules without a second thought."

"Do you know what I've never understood? Why doesn't she live in the flat? She's at the same university as you so why don't you live together?"

"She refused to accept any help off our parents. They own the flat."

Tallulah c***s her head to the side, clearing thinking about something.

"She really is nothing like you, is she?"

"Nope. We're nothing alike. But for all that... She's happy. She's not miserable. She does what she wants when she wants, and she doesn't worry about what our parents think."

I've always worried far too much about what our parents think.

Lou nods.

"That must be pretty great."

"Yeah..." I nod my head slowly before making a decision. "I want to make a toast."

I lift my glass.

"What sort of toast?" Tallulah's eyebrow has shot up.

"To being more like Aileen."

I lift my glass before drowning the rest of my drink. Looking over at Tallulah, my expression turns serious. I've been so selfish, focused completely on myself.

"Are you okay, Lou?"

"Of course!" She gives me a smile but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I'm worried about you," I say with a shrug of my shoulders. "You're important to me."

"I know. Thank you. But really, I'm okay."

"How long are you staying?" I ask her.

"I'm not going back."

"Are you sure? Tallulah, you were so excited this summer. Why did you leave?"

"Rory, just drop it. Please." She's whispering, almost begging me.

I nod because there's nothing else I can say.

"Are you thinking of transferring?" I'm scared to ask but I don't want her to just abandon her masters.

"I don't know yet."

"Okay." I smile at her before taking pity on her, changing the subject. "So... How's Nathan?"

If I thought that talking about her brother would cheer her up, I couldn't be more wrong.

"Urgh! He's going to kill me when he realises I'm not in Brighton."

***

Lou is laughing and it's kind of infectious. I give her my biggest smile before glancing down at my empty glass and then up to the bar, where my eyes land on a guy.

He's watching me or maybe not.

He might be watching Tallulah. Yeah. He's probably watching Tallulah.

He's gorgeous. He's got dark, messy hair. The sort that Tallulah would say just screams at you to run your hands through it.

His eyes are immense; I feel like they're piercing into my soul from across the room but that's impossible.

He's not even looking at me. He's looking at Tallulah or someone behind me, but I can't help but blush because there's a chance that he's looking at me.

Historically, if this sort of thing happened, I would ignore it and return to my conversation, completely pretending nothing had happened. But the problem is that I've just made that list and I have to try and change if I'm ever going to break those rules.

I glance back at him and he's still looking this way.

He's not smiling. He's looking at me or at least in this general direction with an intense look that makes him seem a little cold, intimidating, unapproachable.

But underneath that there is something else.

His eyes. They are intent on whatever has his attention; perhaps me. That look is enough to make me silently beg whatever god is listening that he really is looking at me and not some other girl or worse Tallulah.

It's now or never.

Do I go for it or not? I want to. I feel like I might need to. I can't keep being scared to break my rules.