Single Daddies

Chapter 8

Kylie

I've been here two days and I haven't seen Noah. It's like he does this disappearing act on me. One minute he's here and the next he's gone. I only know he comes home because I get up in the middle of the night and hear him snoring like a pig. Damn! When did he get to be such a deep sleeper?

I know that today I'm not going to let him pull the wool over my eyes. No way!

I think that I've lost a few pounds already. I've been timing Richard's naps, and I hate to admit it, but Mom was right. Noah doesn't store any junk food, and there's no Starbucks or McDonald's within easy reach. I don't have a car seat, so I'm forced to take Richard out in the stroller. He loves being in that thing more than the sling. I think it's because he has the freedom to look around. He's a curious little thing, that's for sure, and it's as if Noah can read my mind because he shows up midday.

"Hey," he says once again as he sees me.

I realize that all the time I've been here, we haven't even had a conversation. It's as if I'm a lodger in his house, but my p*****t isn't cash, it's babysitting services.

"You decided to come back?"

He nods. "Paternity appointment's in about an hour, so I need to go out with him."

"Can I come too?"

He looks surprised. "Sure. I just thought that you would want to get on with, whatever you wanted to do when you came here."

"Babysitting, or rather acting like his mom?"

He laughs. "I know. I had some catching up to do. I'm selling a couple of horses, so I've been crazy obsessive making sure that they're ready to be sold."

"Wow, Noah being the responsible one."

He smiles. "We're no longer in high school. I couldn't act like a kid forever."

"You sound like Martin."

He shakes his head. "I'm repeating his words," he says, and then he starts to shiver. "Scary."

I start to laugh about the idea that Noah's turned to a responsible adult.

"What are you laughing at?"

"You." I try to catch my breath, and I tell him, "The only thing you were ever interested in was women, and now you're a dad, owning a ranch, and..."

"Before this weekend, I loved partying and having a good time. Now, that's all gone."

He looks sad as he says it. "Anyway, let me hit the shower and then we'll be on our way."

"I'll get Richard ready."

He nods as he goes up the stairs. He stops midway to say something, but then keeps going. I want him to say something...anything, but he continues moving up the stairs.

Damn, Noah! What's going through your mind? I think to myself, but as I go to the nursery and see that Richard's sleeping, I start to wonder if Noah was thinking about me or Richard?

***

"So, this is it." Noah comes out of the clinic room and says that it's time for us to go. He has sadness on his face, as if something happened back there. I expected it to be a routine blood test. He told me to stay in the waiting room while he spoke to the doctor and got the ball rolling. Noah's been quiet since he had the test.

"I need to go back to the ranch again."

"Again?"

"Yes, there's a lot to do."

"Well, number one on your list should be spending time with Richard."

He shakes his head as he pulls out of the clinic parking lot. "I can't."

He puts the radio on, and that's his way of keeping me quiet. I turn it down and ask, "What's the issue?"

He smiles. "You've taken off your hoodie then?"

Great, he's changing the subject-something he used to do all the time, which was why I told him that we should just forget about us being an item. I couldn't be with someone that couldn't talk about real feelings and constantly kept them bottled inside.

"It's been months since I released a song. I can't write, I can't stop eating, and I can't go on like this."

I got it off my chest, thinking maybe he'll do the same and talk about how he feels. His eyes dart to Richard, who's sleeping at the back.

"Don't you want to write?"

"Of course, I do."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"Everything and nothing."

"You're missing the point. What's stopping YOU?"

I shake my head because I have no idea what he means. He's talking in riddles that I haven't got a clue about the significance of, and I wish that he would just spit it out.

We stop at the lights, and he turns to me, "You can do anything that you want to do. That's one of the things I admired about you back in high school."

"Is that why you used to tease me?"

"I used to tease everyone. I don't get why you always took it so personally."

"Because it used to hurt."

He's surprised at my statement, but then again, my honesty takes me aback too. This time, he's not the one putting on the radio. I am, as I'm lost with my thoughts and what to do about our living arrangements right now.

"That was the past."

He's right, but I hate the fact that he's dismissing it like that-no apology or anything.

"You need to realize that you're special. Who could hit the top of the charts in around ten countries all at the same time? Only you, and as for this self-destructive road that you're going down... You're too beautiful to just give up like that."

Did he just compliment me and dismiss his past behavior at the same time?

"It's like Jason. God, he's my brother and everything, but the guy's messed up. He ran away from this life, packed it all in, gave up this great girl, Rachel, and ran off to the city. He didn't care that Grandpa needed help, didn't care about me, didn't care about the ranch. It's all I ever wanted to do, but Grandpa... He thought Jason was too much like our dad, he wanted Jason to come back, to step up, be a man and take care of Rachel and their baby. Too bad it took Grandpa dying for that to happen. It makes me sick to think of what could have happened if Jason hadn't gotten his head out of his ass and stepped up. Hell, I suppose I would have fought him for it if he hadn't stepped up. I still haven't really forgiven him for leaving, cause I swear that's what did Grandpa in."

"He's your brother, and you should have just had a conversation about it. Find out why he did it."

He laughs. "Have you ever tried talking to Jason?"

"I did... once, and it was kind of hard going."

"Understatement."

As we park the car, I look at Richard, and he's still sleeping. Maybe the test was too much for him.

"Did the doctor say that he would be drowsy from the test?"

He doesn't answer. He's staring at Richard, so I repeat the question.

He quietly says, "No." Then, his phone alarm goes off, and it wakes Richard up.

"Damn, he's not messing with his food."

I smile and say, "Just like his dad."

I don't know what happened at the clinic. Noah seems lost in his thoughts, and then I remember why we hooked up in the first place. Noah always managed to say the right thing. Sure, I was exaggerating when I said that he teased me back in high school. I was no different than the jocks, the nerds, or anyone else that crossed paths with Noah and his little posse. They ruled the school and everyone wanted to be like them-popular. Or at least get to know them. I was in between. Not popular, but definitely not a part of the nerd group. I just knew that I wanted to be a singer. I was in a band, and then when we fell out, I went solo. That was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I think about that night-the one where we came together-but then I think about us now, and I'm determined that things need to change.