Waste Time with Me, My Dear Duke

Resentment

Time… A punishment for Teal.

The jeweler who visited her family was able to sell half of the ‘trinkets’ they gave him, allowing them to pay their taxes and staff, but almost immediately after, they were forced to downsize by cutting ‘unneeded’ services.

Few of the maids who lived on the property were willing to stay because they were not being paid for their labor, but for those who did, Teal waived the small fees they paid for the space they occupied.

Emily had since fallen into depression, leaving Teal alone to manage the family resources, and had she been of a weaker mind, then she too would have fallen into despair.

Perhaps it was good that Teal was young, or maybe she felt a sense of relief knowing that she would soon no longer have a place among the nobility, leaving her free to choose whatever life she wanted.

In the six months since her courtship was embarrassingly ended, Teal learned to cook, clean, and even garden, skills she knew would prove useful if she were to marry a farmhand, but she was nearing her nineteenth year, and not a single marriage request was sent.

A part of her wanted to believe that it was her undefined relationship with Nelson that sullied her worth, but it was more likely that her family name had fallen far enough that not even a son of a merchant would approach her uncle.

Or perhaps maybe they did, but the man she once saw as a second father was growing increasingly insufferable, and despite the letter of warning she sent, his petty response was to release funds he ‘believed’ they ‘should’ need considering that it was just two ‘lone women’ in the house.

Teal was not a fool. She understood that her uncle was threatening her.

Already, the hired guards of her family were uncomfortable with leaving at night, so despite being contracted for two shillings per day, they accepted less.

Teal also provided the men with new boots, and allowed them to use the stable workshop to dabble in black smithery.

For that, she earned a small commission, which was just enough to keep her market girl.

As it was, Teal could not yet imagine herself going into the busy town center. In part because she feared it, and in part because if it came to that, her situation would become all too real.

“Lady,” Martha said, bowing as Teal stepped into the kitchen.

Martha was a widow with a daughter married to a butcher, and a son in the king's army. She did not want to be a burden on her children, so she continued to work even in old age.

The woman was well aware of the fact that her services were no longer affordable, but for the price of an unused storage shed and a bed, she agreed to stay on to assist Teal anywhere she may need it.

“What are we cooking tonight?”

“Which ingredients are closest to spoiling?”

“There is pork belly, a small amount of beef, and four eggs.”

“Do we have potatoes?”

“And carrots.”

“Lard?”

“Yes, lady Teal.”

“Then let's make meat pie.”

“Meat pie my lady?” Teal wished that she had the energy to laugh at Martha's expression, but the truth was that smiling had become harder to do, so she simply shrugged. "Lady Teal, I am afraid that, even if you were to mix the meats the way we peasants do, it simply would not be enough to satisfy you and the lady of the house."

"Then it will help us to keep our dresses longer.” Teal was like that, choosing to see the good among the bad, and she could tell that it baffled the elderly Martha.

She understood the woman's concern, because, having taken after her mother, Teal was never thin, but toiling around the home had caused her to shed a significant amount of weight.

“My lady, if you lose any more of yourself, then you’ll become unattractive to a potential suitor.”

“Good; let him fall in love with my spirit.” This time, Teal smiled, hoping the action would bring the conversation to an end, and it did.

She was very well aware that among the Gentry, an overly thin woman was seen as frail and sickly, while a supple woman was considered to be the staple of health. However, Teal felt better now than she did when she was heavier.

She was not sure if it were from her weight loss, but she felt stronger, more agile, and the only thing that she would seek to change was the amount of stress that came with it. Not that any of the tasks she was doing were overtaxing, but she knew that her mother desperately wanted to keep their family situation hidden for as long as possible, which meant that Teal had to work in secret.

They're had even been a time where she was working in the garden when unannounced visitors appeared, wanting to confirm if, in fact, Nelson was marrying another.

Fortunately gardening was not an uncommon hobby among women of the gentry, so the only issue raised were concerns that her clothing were unbecoming of a young woman of her station.

Teal, however, cared not for the comments she received. The day gown was given to her by her father just before he was sent on the king's expedition.

It was a treasured thing for Teal, and she enjoyed wearing it, but while the man was away, she spilled strawberry jam on the light color fabric.

She believed the dress was ruined, but could not bring herself to throw it away. However, having learned how to manage the laundry from the maid servants, Teal discovered that the women re-dyed their smocks to keep them looking new. She immediately thought of her father’s gift, and decided to turn the fabric a deep shade of brown.

Among all her other dresses, it was by far her favorite, as it was also the most comfortable dress she owned, and because of its sentimental meaning, so she was able to make her peers feel guilty for their harsh words, simply by telling them the truth.

That situation aside, Teal had other embarrassing encounters at embroidery parties she attended, but there was none that she could not handle. Eventually, the invitations would stop coming, or at least that’s what she hoped.

—

Teal removed her apron and wiped her brow of sweat.

Preparations for dinner went smoothly, but it was stressful nonetheless. She made a mental note that her family's cold box needed more ice, a luxury that she knew she and her mother could not afford.

In the early winter, she purchased a large block, knowing that it would last just about as long as it did, but with the last of their meat being used in the night's meal, she did not foresee the need to replace it anytime soon.

Ice was more expensive in the warmer months, and Teal believed it more economic to just buy meat when needed. She and her mother were in no danger of starving, so skipping a meal or two was nothing.

“See you in the morning Lady Teal.”

“In the morning Martha.” Straightening her back, Teal made her way to the dining area, only to find that her mother hadn’t come to the table.

“Mother?” she called out, afraid if only for a second that the woman had done something drastic and taken her own life.

Teal could handle everything fate was throwing at her, but the loss of her mother, a woman she admired for her strength, to the pressure of society was something she did not think she could survive.

“Mother?”

“In here.” Teal found her mother standing in her father’s study, staring at a portrait of the man.

“Do you know that I resented him?” Unsure how to respond, Teal sat in the nearest chair and waited for her mother to explain. “I knew that your father did not want me as a wife, and I resented him for it.”

“Mother, father loves you.”

“Teal… please remove the word love from your vocabulary.” Shocked, Teal went silent. “Noblemen do not love their wives, but your father respected me and the sanctity of our marriage.”

Emily walked around her husband’s desk, stroking her hand along the bookshelf as she did.

Every so often, she would stop, sigh, and repeat the process again.

“Mother, dinner is getting cold.” Emily chuckled, pulling out a title that she seemed to be looking for, and sitting in her husband's chair. His scent was beginning to fade from the cloth that covered the wood, and that made his absence all the more real to her.

“You know, when I neared the end of carrying your sister, I often woke in cold sweat. Your father stayed awake with me for entire nights, all so that I could give him a daughter who would abandon her family for a teacher.”

“Mother, Josephine did not abandon us. She simply wanted to-”

“Avoid becoming me.” Teal was quiet again, unable to deny her mother’s words.

For Josephine, the very worst-case scenario was becoming her mother. She often spoke to Teal about how pitiful she found their mother’s life.

“Teal, do you think that he’s found love out there; across the ocean somewhere?” That was a very real possibility, one that had grown wings and clearly perched right on Emily’s ear.

“I believe that if father is foolish enough to disregard the vows he made with you, then he would at least be wise enough to come back and properly divorce you. Otherwise-”

“Your uncle gets everything,” Emily continued, picking up from where her daughter left off. “Do you resent him?”

“I cannot,” Teal replied. “Father has loved me unconditionally.”

“Yes, he has, but something tells me that when he comes back to us, he will do so with a mistress and the son that I could not give him.”

Mistresses were illegal.

Minor affairs were common, and punishable by the courts, but polygamy of any sort was considered to be a great crime against the crown.

Divorce was legal, and also quite common, so taking a lover was seen as egregious, especially if it resulted in a child.

The law was made over a decade prior, and it was meant to protect the women forced to board with their replacements.

For the most part, it was successful, not just for the women who were affected by an unfaithful husband, but for the crown who collected heavy penalties for infidelity and charged a large sum to approve a divorce.

It was, in a way, a tax that deterred the nobility from taking advantage of their stations, and while there were no more public mistresses, Teal knew that her mother had every right to be worried.

If Teal’s father returned with an ‘adopted’ son and a ‘wetnurse’, the crown was in no position to establish paternity, thus her mother would have no outlet, as women could not file for a divorce.

“This is the first gift your father ever gave me,” the woman said, staring down at the book in her hands as though it would burn her.

“I never did have the patience to read it. Perhaps I should try now.” Teal could not understand what her mother was going through, so she wisely chose not to comment on it and returned to the topic of their meal.

“Will you join me for dinner?”

“Not tonight,” the woman said in a whisper, leaving the study before Teal could even think of a response.

She too had lost her appetite, but the cold chest was not cool enough to keep the pies overnight, so Teal ate alone in the darkened room.

“Candles are expensive,” she said to herself, wishing that her mother were well enough to at least sit with her. “I should keep this meal short to conserve the wax,” she sobbed.