Is It Revenge Or Love?

Blast From the Past

~Jaylene~

I put another book away, making sure the class is ready for the next day. I don’t have to stay and clean up, but I couldn’t face going home right now. If I went home, I’d be forced to overthink the entire situation I just went through, and I don’t have the strength to do that. I just need a little distraction, and I’ll be alright.

I don’t even know how he found out where I worked. I made sure to have as little contact with him and his family as possible. When I walked away all those years ago, I did it with a purpose and meant it. I didn’t want to associate with him in any way. Who would have guessed that not only would my parents try to reintroduce us, but he would show up at my job?

A throat clears, making my body tense. “You want to tell me what that was about?” I turn to the door and see the teacher I work with. She and I have gotten close since we’ve worked together. She’s an amazing person and a great teacher. I feel really lucky to have met her.

I’ve never told her much about myself, at least not much about my upbringing. She doesn’t even know that I actually come from money. I never felt that it was relevant information and doesn’t speak to who I am, personally. I would much rather people, including Nancy, know who the woman inside is than focus on the outside.

“It’s nothing, Nancy. Just a little blast from the past.” Nancy walks into the classroom and sits at the student desk closest to me. She gets comfortable and keeps her gaze on me. I continue to clean up, hoping she’ll let this go.

“If you won’t tell me what happened, I get it. Maybe it’s too painful. At least tell me how you two met.” She’s right; what happened is a bit painful, and it’s something I rarely talk about. How we met can be seen as just as painful, but I know Nancy won’t let it go unless I tell her something. I sigh and sink into the closest chair, facing Nancy.

“High school was a bit problematic and Deon was my saving grace.” I close my eyes and breathe deeply, allowing my mind to travel back to that time, back to the other version of myself. “It was the summer after freshman year and we had barely gotten out of school. My friends convinced me to go to this party to kick off the summer. I wasn’t one for parties, but I made this exception. It didn’t take me long to wish I had stayed home.” My body starts to shake, and my breathing gets shaky. I know what this is because it used to be my everyday. “After all these years, I’m still fuzzy on the details. I know that I was drinking a little and dancing with my friends. I got dizzy and I don’t remember anything after that, really. I get flashes sometimes, but it isn’t anything I can grab onto. I remember waking up in pain and being carried somewhere. The scent of that Jordan cologne was strong in my nose. When I come to again, I’m in the hospital with my best friend crying over me and my parents speaking to the doctors. I…I was ra.ped.” I stop at this point, the memories becoming a bit too painful. Nancy grabs my hand and rubs circles on the back. I let her touch soothe me as much as it can.

“Deon was also in the hospital room. I found out that he found me and brought me to the hospital. It wasn’t my first time meeting him, having had classes with him freshman year. He’s expressed his interest a few times, but I wasn’t interested in him. After leaving the hospital, Deon was at my house every day. He wouldn’t let me fall into a depression or sulk in my room. He would sit with me and take me outside. He took me to my therapy appointments and really helped me through the mess. Eventually, during sophomore year, we started to date until I ended things senior year.” I let the silence settle over me, trying to push those memories down again.

“Wow. That’s a lot. Did they ever catch who did it?” I shake my head.

“Nobody saw anything noteworthy and there was no DNA. It took a while for me to get comfortable enough to trust someone, but Deon was so patient with me. He really showed me love and care.”

“So what changed?”

“Me. I wasn’t able to ignore the things that were going on around me anymore. A boy, Monroe Rivers, made me open my eyes to a lot of things.” Nancy leans in with a sparkle in her eyes.

“Did you date this Monroe?” I smile and drop my head.

“No. I was too scared to go for it. I really wanted to go to prom with him and I thought he would ask me, but he didn’t.”

“Did you go with Deon?” I swallow the lump in my throat and shake my head.

“I didn’t go at all, but I don’t want to talk about that.” I look into Nancy’s eyes and see nothing but care and sympathy.

“If you ever want to talk, you know I’m here. If he starts to bother you, let me know. I know some people who could help.” I let a small laugh escape my lips.

“I’m sure it won’t come to that, but thank you just the same.” I stand and start to pack my things. “I’m going to go. See you tomorrow?” Nancy nods, and I walk out of the classroom.

The ride home is quiet; I don’t even play music like I usually would. I was lost in a sea of memories and wanted to concentrate on the thoughts flowing through my mind. Before I realize it, I’m pulling into the parking lot of my apartment complex. I pull my bag out and lock the car. My unit is on the second floor, so I trudge along, my mind lost in the past. I pull my keys out of my pocket and walk toward my door. As I get closer, I lift my head and immediately stop in my tracks. “What are you doing here, mom?”