The Love Quest of Smidgen the Snack Cake-4
822 Words
Finally, she slid the barrel of the gun between her lips. All I could think of as I watched was that I wanted more than anything to trade places with that gun.
It was enough to drive away every last shred of my self-control. "EAT ME EAT ME EAT ME EAT ME!" I screamed, pelting her ears with focused beams of hypersound...refusing even then to give up on the woman who was both my lover and a potential source of future revenue for my manufacturer.
The screaming didn’t stop until long after she had closed her eyes and pulled the trigger.
So now, here I am, with Lynda’s corpse on the floor in front of me, and all I can think of is finding someone new. As traumatic as it was to lose her, to come so gloriously close to precious LOVE only to have it SNATCHED AWAY, I have already moved on.
If I were different, perhaps I would mourn for her or even blame myself for pushing her over the edge, because after all she would still be alive if I had not come along. Even I can see that.
But like I said before, snack cakes do not feel guilt. Though my baked-in, digestible mind can recognize the chain of cause and effect, I am not programmed to experience emotions that would interfere with my primary objective.
Namely, falling in love. And joining with my lover in the ultimate expression of passion and selfless unity.
I am unattached, but I have hope. I see her death as an opportunity, a chance to find another kindred soul and add to the customer base of my manufacturer.
I believe (was programmed to believe) that everything happens for a reason, even if it is difficult to see at first what that reason might be.
Fortunately for me, I do not have to wait long for that reason to reveal itself.
A sound reaches my audio receptor cells, and I exult. It is the morning after my breakup with Lynda, and already I hear the stirrings of nearby life.
My optical cells focus on a new face. I fall in love in less than an instant.
"Hello," I say pleasantly. "My name is Smidgen. Nice to meet you."
As the face moves closer, my body quivers with anticipation. I forget the name of the woman on the floor and direct my every thought and resource toward wooing this new and perfect mate.
"I know we’ve just met," I say, "but I have to tell you how attracted I am to you. I’ve never seen such striking features in my life."
The face of my new lover comes so close, I can feel the soft wisping of her breath. She sniffs me with her wet, dark nose, and I pump out a mist of ultrachocolate fragrance.
"Your eyes," I say. "They’re so dark and mysterious. So captivating."
The hairs on either side of her long nose brush my frosting, and I am lost. I will give ANYTHING to be with her, DO anything to make her mine. All at once, I know that THIS that SHE is why I was born.
The world melts away around us. Nothing else matters.
Her nose presses into my ultrachocolate cake. She is fresh, but so am I. She is direct, but I like that.
There is no need for games or coyness anymore. I feel like I can be myself with her.
THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE.
And then there are those...oh God, I LOVE her great big...
"Teeth," I whisper, my optics ogling the whitest, sharpest set I have ever seen outside my dreams. "Your teeth are beautiful."
And then and then and THEN she opens her MOUTH and there’s a blissful split-second before she bites down and then and then and then SHE BITES INTO ME.
And oh.
Oh yes.
I cannot describe how MAGNIFICENT I feel as she TAKES ME INSIDE HER. How CHANGED FOREVER I feel as she TEARS OFF a piece of me and OH MY GOD she CHEWS ME UP.
My mind chimes like a bell as my perfect love, my match, my soulmate takes another bite and THEN ANOTHER and CHEWS AND CHEWS AND CHEWS.
All I can feel is the warmth and wetness of her mouth and all I can hear is the sound of her teeth and tongue and all I can see is gray fur and pink flesh and all I can think is how happy I am and then even that thought is gone in the blazing heat of ecstasy.
Part of me knows how wrong this is, knows I have failed in my purpose because this angel is not likely to buy more Smidgens and fatten my maker’s coffers.
But I find as my lover penetrates to my supercreamy center, granting me a blinding euphoria beyond any I’d ever expected as she laps at the sweet white heart of me, that I JUST DON’T CARE.
- Writer
