His Broken Mafia Queen

5. E L L A

"Hello, Ella" My body stiffened, my hands froze on the pencil I stole from one of the nurses' pockets. The sharpened tip of the pencil beneath my fingers soothed me down as it nibbled on my skin. Yet, his annoying voice had me stir from the inside. "Care to start our session, now?"

"Dr. Jayson," I bit out as my hand swiftly shoved the pencil under my pillow before turning to face him. I wasn't allowed to have any sharp materials. "You know how much I cherish our sessions." I faked a smile that he saw through it very well, judging by the smirk pulling upon his lips.

"Oh, I am very aware of that." He dragged the sliding chair off my desk before placing it opposite the bed I was sitting on. "And I told you we are already past the last name basis. You can just call me Ethan."

"I would rather not." I rolled my eyes at him before letting them travel around my room, aka personal prison. I mean, it is not a bad room. In fact, it's a really lovely room, almost looking like a hotel room seeing as Mia and Blake didn't hold back by choosing the best rehab center in the city and admitting me in it. 

"And why is that, Ella?" I could see him still smirking from the corner of my eye. Stupid annoying handsome, mysterious doctor. "Is there a specific reason that makes you avoiding looking into my eyes and not call me by my first name?"

"I am not avoiding shit." Now we were eye to eye, and his eyes glistened with something peculiar that I didn't want to ponder on. I just wanted to shove that smirk off his stupid face right now! "And until when will I have to be trapped in my room? Taking my therapy sessions, eating, reading, or any f*****g thing? I want to get the hell out of my room."

"You know why you are under such intense rules, Ella." His eyes hardened, and his playful smirk was long gone. "If you want these rules to lift, then start cooperating."

"I am cooperating." Kind of.

"It doesn't seem like it." His eyes wandered to my wrists, then back up to my eyes. The look of disappointment was too much for me that I had to avert my eyes away from him. I don't even know why I care what he thinks. "So, how are you feeling today? Any particular emotions nagging you today?" And now he was in a doctor's full mode.

"I feel angry, frustrated, annoyed, and want to kick your ass." 

"Interesting." He nodded slowly, his eyes squinting at me. "And why do you feel that?"

"Because your face is so ugly that it boils me up." 

"Noted." Why is he smirking? I am offending him here, and he is smirking? Looks like I am not the one who needs these therapy sessions after all. "And if I am the problem for your raging emotions, why did the nurse catch you harming yourself this morning with a shred of a glass of the window you broke?" I pretend to be looking at the plain walls of my room while toying with my shoulder-length hair -I think it needs trimming, by the way. "Does that have something to do with your family?" I ignored him as usual. "Maybe that's why you try to escape so often from here?" Why is he so straightforward today? No, easy questions to have me opening up - not that I answer them either. "Or maybe you feel guilty of something? Something that makes you feel like you don't deserve to live?" One more word out of that mouth of his, and I will plunge that pencil of mine into his leg. "Is it maybe your attitude towards your siblings and how you don't allow them to visit you every time they come?" He is so getting on my nerves. Despite his good looks and charismatic nature, I might actually commit murder. "Maybe it's about your mother?" 

"Shut the f**k up!" I threw the nearest pillow at his face. He didn't flinch, though. Only rearranged his hair. "All you say is bullshit, and you know nothing. Now get the hell out of my room." I laid on my bed and gave him my back. "I want to sleep early today. "

"Okay, then I think we will have to end our session early today." I heard him stand up. "Sleep well, Ella, and please don't harm yourself anymore. You don't know how many people care about you and waiting for you to get better." Why does he sound so genuine? I get he is a doctor, but he doesn't have to fake it. "And always keep in mind, I am here to help you." He breathed out. "I am not your enemy…" He paused, and I thought that this was it and he will f*****g leave me alone, but he went and threw these following stupid words. "I am more than that, and you know it." 

"Switch off the lights."

I heard him let out a sad sigh. "Goodnight, Ella." He shut the lights, and then the door followed.

As soon as he was out, I laid on my back as my eyes gazed at the dark ceiling above me. Hundreds of voices were racing in my head, each pushing me to do something utterly different from the other. That's why I hate these therapy sessions. Especially when they are with him. Because they always left my thoughts in such a hurricane that begged me to put an end to it all.

I actually remember my first session very well. You never forget your first, they say, right?

It was my first week in this place, and as usual, he was the kindest and friendliest person you could ever interact with. He tried to c***k up a conversation with me, but I wasn't in the mood. Blake had just dropped me off, and I was trying to face the reality of what I lost. He welcomed me into my room and introduced some of the staff attending to me, then left with a knowing smile that I despise to this very day. 

The next day the nurse took me to his office for a standard procedure. I was hella nervous, and to this day, I have no freaking idea why. Once the nurse shoved me inside then locked the room behind her, leaving me f*****g alone with him, I literally started sweating. Ethan, on the other hand, with all of his glory, smiled up at me while ushering for me to take the seat before him. From the first day I met him, he was always at ease and seemed like a very laid-back guy.

His smile never faltered, even when he uttered the following words. "I believe we already me, but let's officially meet." Who said I wanted to officially meet him? I didn't give a f**k, and I certainly do not to this very moment. "I am Dr. Ethan Jayson, but you can call me Ethan." I thought I had a special treatment, but it turned out he let all of his patients call him Ethan to feel at ease with him. To make them feel as if he is their friend, not their doctor. I think he waited for me to react or something, but I sat there like a statue; he got used to it by now. He went on. "You are Ella Hunt. You are an addict and came here to recover willingly." Suddenly, his molten eyes captured mine in an intense gaze. "First step to recovery is admitting that you need help." He smiled. "You are already making me proud, Ella."

"I am not a damn child to make you proud." I snapped, yet he smirked. Something that over the days, I found he was doing a lot around me, which frustrated me. Maybe he sees me as a challenge or something I don't really know, but I ain't losing. I have a challenging streak in me, just like Mia, Blake, and Abby. I believe something we took after our awful father. 

"I know you are not. I am trying to get you talking." Smartass. "And looks like I succeeded." Witnessing the frown on my face, his smirk grew as his eyes were set on mine while he continued, "so we will have our daily sessions together one-to-one to try and loosen you a bit and maybe point out the root of your addiction to come over it…" good luck with that, I scoffed to myself. "And if you are cooperating well enough and showing positive signs of fast recovery, we will lessen these sessions until there is none, hopefully soon." He flashed me a warm smile that really suited him. He was handsome, I won't deny it. It was my first thought of him when I saw him on the hospital's rooftop. "So, do you have any questions?" Indeed I have a bunch, and none of them were appropriate.

 "How come you work at that hospital and here?" I narrowed my eyes at him for added effects. I just wanted him to fear me and maybe hate me. I want to be hated… always. 

"So you remember me." He smirked while leaning back on his leather chair. His muscles are begging to cut through his white shirt. Damn sexy! "You seemed to have ignored that we ever shared an honest moment, days back." 

I cut him off. "I am trying to keep things professional. Answer me." 

"You won't be easy to handle, huh?" Bing, bing, bing, and the prize of the smartest asshole goes to… yup, you guessed it. This handsome a*s. "I am not working there. I was just doing a favor to a friend by helping him with a rare case." 

I nodded. "Then you are indeed a smartass." His melodic laugh filled my ears. "Isn't anyone in medicine considered a smartass?" 

I shrugged. "Yea, but not all of them butt in every aspect in medicine. They each stick to their specialized area." 

"Yes, they do, and that's my specialized area." He rested his arms on his desk, his front leaning to the desk between us. "Helping you get better and everyone in your shoes." 

"Right." I rolled my eyes. "Us the addicts." Who was I kidding? I am one of his cases that he thinks he can c***k and nothing more. I am damaged goods, and I better keep that in mind. 

"So, talk to me about your family." Now, he has reached the untouched territory. He should know better than to ask such a question. I bet he already knows everything about my messed-up life. Folding my arms over my chest, I decided to not give him the satisfaction of knowing any s**t about me. I won't tell him s**t. I wasn't planning to stay long anyway. When he saw that I had no intention of speaking up, he said. "Obviously, I am aware of your case and your circumstances, but I need to hear from you to better understand you." He watched me with these molten calculating eyes of his, a lazy smile plastered on his face. "How is your relationship with your siblings?" My eyes wandered around his office, trying to catch a glimpse of anything personal of his. Maybe a family picture? A woman's picture? A woman's underwear? Why the hell am I even interested? I had no idea, but meh might as well have some fun while I am here. "Okay, no, for the family area. Then, talk to me about your romantic relationships. Your boyfriend? You have a boyfriend, correct?" 

My eyes immediately snapped at him. "What does my file say?"

"Some statements we took from your siblings to better identify your case." And here is that f*****g look! The pity look. I f*****g hate that look and every f*****g person that carries it.

"That's an invasion of privacy!" I slammed my hands on his desk.

"It is not when I am your doctor and trying to treat you." He seemed to be annoyed by my behavior as he lifted a warning brow at me.

"f**k you!" I scattered the file before him, making some of the papers fall on the floor.

"Okay, we are done here." He stood up, his manly fingers curling around my wrists, stopping them from inflicting any more damage. "Nurse Raymond!" He called for the guy that brought me in to have him remove me from Dr. Handsome's office.

And that was my first encounter with him. My first outburst at him from many. We had these f*****g annoying sessions as scheduled, and I never made progress. He is the one who always made progress and came out victorious with a bit of new information about me until he had everything noted down by now. I hate that he knows me that well when I barely know anything about him. I know he is my doctor, and that's how it should go, but I need more of him. I only know one thing that he got so angry with me when I discovered it. I need more, though; it's exactly like an addiction. Once I had a taste of him, I feel like I can't have enough. I need more of him in my life.

Deciding that I had enough of this day, I shut my eyes and tried dozing off. I need to have some good sleep to figure out my next step tomorrow. I wasn't supposed to stay that long here. It was supposed to be a temporary stop for Blake's and Mia's sake before I disappear for good. So far, though, my plans sucked. But not tomorrow. Tomorrow I am determined to make it happen. Ughh... I need to shut my mind off. It happens every freaking day! I decided to sleep but then start rambling about something in my head.

Okay, now for real. I have to sleep. Maybe I can try this trick that Ethan suggested when he found out that I can't sleep without the aid of sleeping pills. He cut me off, fearing that I would get addicted to them too, so he told me to picture myself somewhere when I know I would be at my calmest point. To this day, I never decided to use his stupid idea. Still, seeing that my body was tired as f**k after losing that much blood today, I decided to give it a shot. The problem is my relaxing place is a sacred place. In fact, it is more of a memory that I locked up in the far back of my head. Ethan tried to get me talking about this specific memory, but luckily, he failed this time. Again with the damn rambling!!

That what keeps me up! Especially when I try using this trick of Ethan's. Okay, shut the f**k up brain, I am gonna do it this time. I scolded myself, then took slow deep breaths as I laid on my back.

"Here we go..." I whispered. Slowly yet carefully, I opened the locked door in the back of my head and peeked inside at my most precious memory. Immediately, my heart started racing. Replaying that memory, imaging her melodic voice, her soft touch in my hair, her warm kisses on my face, just the mere smell of her even flooded my nostrils. I was remembering her. I was remembering when I first had trouble sleeping, and she hummed to me this melodic tune with her fingers sweeping through my hair—God, how I miss her. I felt a tear slide down my face, then another followed. I let her down. More tears started flooding as the memory became clearer. I could have made new memories if I didn't waste that much time. My darkness couldn't leave this memory alone. It started clouding it like a nasty storm accompanied by my rainy tears. My guilt came crashing by like a hurricane, and I just knew it. It was my fault. She died because of me. I needed to die with her. No, she should have stayed alive while I died. We should swap places. I am sorry, mom, I whispered to myself and felt her cold fingers curling around my neck. Yes, squeeze. I deserve it, I know. She didn't hesitate in obliging my request. She, too, thought I needed to go. 

"I am s-sorry..." I started to cry roughly while trying to gasp for air. Finally, she will be taking me with her. 

"Your sorries won't do my s**t, b***h!" That wasn't my mother's voice. It was a British laced-accent. My eyes snapped open, blinking until my blurry eyes had a clear vision. My air circulation was getting cut but not by my mother. "I have been f*****g waiting for this day because of what your sister did to me!" He climbed on top of me, his hands squeezing harder on my neck as I tried clawing at him. It was no use. How did he even get in here? "She paid your debt and left me to face their wrath!"

"N-Noah..." I coughed out or tried. He had a tight grip on my neck, and I doubt anyone will hear me. 

"You don't get to say my name on your dirty tongue, you b***h!" He punched me in the face, and I could feel my cheek getting swollen. "They cut a finger and a toe for not giving them the full amount I owed them," I remembered the sharpened pencil I stole this morning and tried to drag it from under my pillow. I just have to scare him before scaring for help. I hope the pencil does not break with the first contact. "Because not everyone has rich siblings like you to pay off their debt!" Almost there, I can feel it. "You ugly w***e, I don't know why I ever dated you!" Yes! Got it! With that being said, I plunged the pencil right into his left eye. He screamed loud enough for people to hear the commotion while I pushed him off me. 

I started coughing uncontrollably as I fell off the bed. I couldn't stand, not yet. I crawled to the door. "H-help..." My voice was low. I still needed more air. "H-help..." damn it! 

"I will f*****g kill you!" Noah's ugly cries only pushed me to crawl faster. This I not how I f*****g die!

"Help!" Finally! With all my might, I was able to shout. "Hel--" My hand was on the door handle when I felt something hard bump into my head. I fell to the side of the room as I could feel the juggle of keys from outside.

"If I die, you die as well." Noah's b****y eye came into view as his hand held the lamp he just hit me with. That's why my head hurt.

"N-Noah..." I tried crawling away from him again while drops of blood started trailing down my face. s**t! "P-please..."

"No more begging, b***h!" With that said, two bangs erupted simultaneously, and one of them fell on my head. The other, I had no time to witness it as I collapsed with the rushing of footsteps inside my room.

They were late, though. Noah already had his revenge. 

"Coming, mom..." Finally, I will be with her. With that said, a content smile pulled up on my face.