The Alpha's Mute

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Niklaus Wade 

      September, 27th. 

It's my birthday, the day I was brought onto this earth and the only time I was ever happy but obliviously and naively so. My birth was a time when there wasn't any unhappiness, no depression, no self doubt, none of the emotions that thrive within me now. Of course that was to be expected when it came to any infant, any child and even if I didn't recall anything I assume it was the happiest moment in my life because after those few precious moments, the only concrete memories I have had to be repressed. 

They weren't pleasant so I had to pretend they didn't exist but they very much did and came to life but only in my dreams; my nightly reminder that my life, My existence is a mess. Was I really even meant to be alive? There were multiple moments when I almost died, not by my own will but by the will of the two people who were supposed to care for me and love me. 

I wonder sometimes as I lay awake at night due to my insomnia what would have come if I died during that one time that my—I shake my head. I didn't want to think about that. I couldn't think about that. Such thoughts resurfacing on a day like this was the most morbid, the most depressing thing I could think of at the moment. These were the things Gnashton expected out of me when he asked that question but there was no way I'd ever tell him about things like this. He'd probably laugh in my face, maybe taunt me. 

If I told Hazel any of this she'd just look at me with the most sympathetic and pitied filled look. The extent to which she knows about my mute complex and my touch anxiety is that I was born like this. She's studying psychology at the moment and knows I'm pretty much bullshitting her but she doesn't press on it because that's just how she is. She's considerate. 

Sometimes I thought about what it'd be like if she was my mate, I even wished at one point that she was my mate but then Hunter came along and my wish wasn't granted. I wasn't upset, I was happy for Hazel because she deserved to be happy and the way Hunter took care of her made me realize it would be best if she wasn't mated to someone like me. I wouldn't be able to love her...I doubt I'd be able to love anyone the way Hazel and Hunter love each other. 

I rub my hands down my face aggressively until my face turned red and burned. I need to stop thinking this way but it was so hard but if I kept putting myself down like this my life would continue to spiral down. Positive things, I needed to think of the positive aspects of life. I almost died maybe six times but here I am celebrating my eighteenth birthday or what I deemed as celebrating. But really...did I even want to be alive right now? I groan and fall back against my soft mattress and think, 'there I go again being a depressed adolescent.' 

The door of my room creaks open and Elijah's tall frame enters my room, his hand holding my silver doorknob. He's wearing a grey Adidas top with casual blue jeans, his brown eyes soft and comforting with only slight crows feet dancing along the corners of his eyes. I think he said he was in his thirties but he looked amazing for his age as did Elliot and all the other parents he and Elliot hung around. Then again, werewolves didn't age like humans did. 

Reaching the age of a hundred was nothing, the oldest elder I knew was Elder Roxanne who resides in the Blue Moon Pack and is the kindest and wisest elder known to man. 

He gives a father like smile, showing off his white straight teeth while leaning against my door. 

"You're eighteen, bud," Elijah begins, calling me that endearment term I yearned to hear from my actual father. It felt weird hearing him call me that since he never did it before but I assume he was trying to adjust himself. 

Elliot and Elijah have been taking baby steps, inching towards becoming closer to all of us but they stopped entirely when it came to Gnashton because he hated it with a passion. He wasn't ever really around to begin with. Caspian was the only one who acted like their son which is why I believe that he's their favorite but Caspian is a whole act, a show only meant for display. Elliot and Elijah ate it up but that was probably because I was distant and Gnashton hated Elliot and Elijah. 

In reply to Elijah, I nod my head and begin to grab my notebook and pen knowing that he plans to say more. Elliot was never one to just say one thing and leave, Elijah is but Elliot keeps telling Elijah to say more even though Elijah says that we are 'boys,' and didn't want to 'talk as much.' He's right and I couldn't really talk to begin with. 

"Did you wanna head out to eat something? Or did you plan on having a party?" Elijah asks me. 

He and I both knew the answer to both questions but I knew he asked to be polite and to make conversation with me. I slightly felt bad for him. Gnashton is always causing trouble and whenever he tried to talk to him, they just ended up arguing which resulted in things breaking like the TV, doors, windows, etc which caused Elliot to break down into tears. 

Elijah would show so much guilt and try to comfort Elliot but usually when Elliot got like that, he wanted to be left alone which tore Elijah apart. Gnashton and Elijah both had Alpha blood in them but they both also had tempers but Gnashtons temper was worse and he unleashed it easily to everyone while Elijah held his in most of the time and he was rational but Gnashton always manages to get under his skin. 

It's a repetitive cycle in this house, once I begin to think that everything's alright something ends up breaking up the peace. The only person I can sympathize with is Elliot who tries endlessly to create happiness but I just didn't think it's fate for any of us to be happy. That's the sad part. 

I shake my head no to Elijah who's waiting patiently for an answer. 

"I'll bring you back food. You want chocolate cake?" Came his next question and I fight a grin as I nod. 

Elijah wears a smile, laughing softly at my reaction with a nod.

"Got it, definitely bringing back cake," he confirms looking down at the ground for a bit before lifting his head and looking at me once more, "even though you're alone, have an amazing birthday alright? I know you can be lit on your own."

Biting my lip, I write down my response. 

I'll try.

Elijah nods his head and says, "cool. I'll be out with Elliot. Caspian is at a friends—it might be Archer but I have no idea—

Parenting skills 101.

"—and Gnashton is, well, Moon Goddess knows where that kid is."

He stressfully drags his hand down his face and I give him an encouraging thumbs up. He sees me and he tries to chuckle but it's forced. 

"Stay a good kid, Nik," is the last thing he says before he gives me a random salute and leaves my room with the soft closing of my door.

I rest back against the headboard of my bed, reaching into my nightstand to grab a handful of maybe eight Moon Pies. I'm definitely addicted to these things, they're so good. They make me so happy unlike anything else in this ugly world. 

On the large rectangular tv that's mounted onto my wall with a small table stand underneath it containing movies and other dvds meant for decoration and only a handful meant for me to actually watch, a show plays that has captured my full undivided attention. I would've put on a movie from Netflix but these days nothing is doing it for me so the absolute next option is to watch that show about the blue gumball kid that has an orange fish friend. They do dumb things but the gumball character isn't as much of an i***t as that yellow square sponge that people are obsessed with. 

Chocolate coated my fingers as I bite into the delicious treat that I've been waiting to eat for a while now because I never did end up getting my box of Moon Pies from Gnashtons clutches. Finishing it in four bites, I lick off the chocolate from my fingers, smiling childishly at the dumb joke the blue character made. It's only at times like this that my mind got quiet and for a few moments I could relax without any depressing thoughts, any flashbacks, and no stress filling me up. 

After ten minutes of calmly and silently watching my show, I feel a stir within my mind and I shift where I sit. I don't know what this feeling is but it lasts a while until I feel like I'm not alone in my head anymore, like there's another presence within. 

"Hey there!" An excited voice says within my head.

My eyes widen and I sit up immediately but I think I know what this is or rather, what it is.

"Are you my wolf?" I reply in my head.

"No, you all of a sudden have multiple different personalities," the voice replies.

No way.

"That was sarcasm my child, relax."

"Oh," came my lame response.

"My name is Nate," my wolf, Nate, says.

"Oh, well I'm N—"

"I know who you are,"  I hear an animalistic type laugh inside, "I've been within you since birth, I just come to life once you've reach the age of eighteen as I form completely then so that you're able to shift." 

"I didn't know that," I reply.

"We learn something new everyday. While I was dormant inside, I kept wanting to do this one thing once I finally awakened."

"Which is? But please don't let it be illegal," I say anxiously. 

"Damn it..."

"Oh my god," I run a hand stressfully threw my hair.

"I joke, I joke. We should try weird food combinations," I hear the excitement in my wolf and I can feel how it's jumping around inside and so I smile and nod then realize how dumb I look.

It feels like I'm talking to myself but not at the same time because Nate has a different voice, it's deeper. I haven't heard my voice since I was a child but even then I was meek and silent so really, I've never heard my own voice. I wonder what I'd sound like, would my voice be deep like Nates? Or could it possibly be soft or would it be rough? My voice could be a multitude of things but I don't think I'd ever hear myself. 

"Let's do it," I agree. 

My wolf leaps around and I smile, enjoying how elated my wolf is at the idea of trying to put two unlike things together in hopes that it'll taste good so I stand and grab my grey remote to pause the show so that I don't miss any of the good stuff because this is my favorite episode. 

I grab a moon pie and pull my door open to walk out but make sure I close it just in case Caspian comes home early and decides to snoop around in my room. He did it before and was shameless when I caught him but then again, I wasn't threatening in the least by any means. 

Making it down the hall, passing by paintings and picture frames that are hung on the pastel grey walls, I descend down the stairs. My fingers gently brush against the hand railings, a habit of mine that formed since the first day I moved into this home with my adoptive parents. 

I walk through the halls that lead into the open space of the living room then walk a bit more until I'm walking into the kitchen. The lights flicker on as soon as I step inside and I shuffle over to the fridge to pull out whipped cream, Hershey's chocolate syrup and a celery stick. Throwing it onto the kitchen counter, I reach into the cupboard beside the left side of the stove and pull out Nutella, apple sauce and cheez it. 

I didn't really like any of these things besides the Nutella and Hershey's syrup but Nate was jumping around, telling me to pick out everything in sight so I settled on these few things. I didn't know where he got the idea for this from but this became the highlight of my birthday and I wanted to make him happy so I did it anyways. 

"Ooo, try dipping the cheez it in the Nutella," Nate suggests.

"That sounds gross," I scrunch up my nose.

"That sounds delicious," Nate laughs.

I open the box of Cheez it, the artificial cheese smell hits my nose and I nearly gag. It's pungent and it's really not appealing at all but I grab a square piece anyways and sigh as I open the Nutella and frown knowing I'll have to ruin my precious hazelnut treat with the grossness that is a Cheez it. 

Dipping the salty into the sweet, I look hesitantly as the brown substance covers the orange snack. I shake my head as Nate begins to chant for me to try it despite how weird this looks. He's really already a bad influence, I could get sick. It was an exaggeration but I didn't care, I wanted to back out of this whole thing but there was also a curiosity within me that lurked about. 

I bring the weird combination to my lips and sniff but that makes it that much worse, I'm being so dramatic and I knew that but I couldn't help myself. I put it into my mouth and the explosion of mixed flavors makes me scrunch up my face. The fake cheese taste is so overpowering and the hazelnut flavor was more of an after thought, it was subliminal, hardly there. 

"It was not that bad!" Nate is chuckling. 

"It definitely was," I argue immediately but swallow it down. 

"Next one," I feel Nates smile.

"Why did I agree to this..." I groan inside. 

Nate, pleased with himself, laughs once more and so I can't help the smile that comes onto my face as I look down, grab the celery stick and dip it into the apple sauce. After this combination, I did more and I couldn't help but thoroughly enjoy myself while speaking to my wolf, Nate, who is hyperactive and pushy but it wasn't a bad pushy. It was the type of pushy that pulled you out of your comfort zone and you hated it at first but as you do it, you grow to like it. 

I never thought I'd be able to smile at all today but I'm happy my wolf came out even though I had a feeling he'd be small in size. I never knew but I've been deemed an omega already, I've displayed all the characteristics and my blood tested positive for the omega gene so it's inevitable. Did I care? Not really. 

Nate and I are on our fourth weird combination when an overwhelming tingle floods underneath my skin. I hear footsteps but I'm too blinded by the feelings that come over me to really care about the fact that someone else is in this house when I was told that everyone was gone. I didn't hear a door open but the heat that overcame me might've had something to do with that, I wouldn't know.

My wolf goes crazy.

Gasoline and Rose-pine. The scent fills my nostrils, the smell not pleasant to most but it was so deliciously intoxicating that I lost voluntary control of my body as I drop the Hershey syrup and applesauce in my hands and I begin to walk out of the kitchen. My heart pounds loudly, my mind is in a haze and goosebumps arise all over me. 

My eyes catch Gnashton's as he stands in the living room and Nate goes ballistic, his movements are frantic in my head. Walking closer my eyes widen and I stop immediately as I realize that the feelings blooming within me and the jitters Nate feels belongs to none other than Gnashton Wade, my adoptive step brother. 

I didn't know what any of this meant but telling from the way Gnashtons eyes turned black and the way my wolf was urging for me to move closer, I knew it wasn't anything good. 

All it took was Nate to whisper, "mate," to have my eyes widening even bigger.

W—what?