A Night With My Ex

Chapter 4

Trigger Warning: Suicide. Read at your own risk.

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I am currently eating my breakfast while reviewing for my exams today. Time flies real fast. A year had passed and now, I am already in my first year of college taking up Accounting as my course. 

I admit, from the past months, it was never easy. I always see Ace and Samantha in school even we are in a different building. After the day I caught Ace cheating, he didn't bother to contact me. We ended our relationship like that. No explanation. No closure. No apologies. Just done. 

And I didn't bother to talk to him again. Although to be honest, sometimes, I am tempted. But then, even I try to ask for an explanation nor an apology, it will be impossible since Samantha is always with him. I even saw her one time browsing Ace's phone while they're walking on the school grounds.

After a year, I still cannot say if I already moved on. But I'm now better than before. I stopped crying myself to sleep and my school energy is back. The time Ace and I broke up, my grades flunk. Papa asked me about it, even I think he sort of knew the reason. Of course, Ace stopped picking me in our house. My parents didn't ask about it but I assume they already knew.

Samantha is now one of the famous models. Everyone supports their love team. Some are saying that they are a perfect match, given the fact that MC Corporation and TalentY—which is the modeling agency owned by Samantha's family, are merged for about a decade now. 

Although they both didn't make an official announcement about them, all people, including me, know that they are in a relationship. It is a fact that doesn't need to be questioned nor needs to be proven.

I finished high school, however, I didn't graduate with Latin Honors. This gave me a hard time getting a scholarship. I got one outside the school but it only covers almost 1/4 of my school fees. 

"Are you done eating? Come on, I'll drive you to school." My father is now ready to go. He will be gone for a week. He said he will be having fieldwork. This is not the first time he does it. Since he became a policeman, I am already used to him being away.

"Alright, let me brush my teeth first." I went to the sink to clean myself up. 

My mom is in our neighborhood, doing others' laundry. I'm kind of guilty. I know we are already financially struggling but here I am, after not able to get a full scholarship, I am taking a 5-year course and also planning to enter law school after. I don't even know how my father managed to pay for my remaining fees since at the half-end of the school year before I graduate, my scholarship was lifted. 

Being a lawyer is my dream profession. I told papa and mama about it a year ago before I finished high school. I once told them that it's okay if they won't be paying for my law school fees and I also argued that I will be the one financing it. But of course, they refuse. They always claim that as my parents, it is their responsibility to finance my study. 

When my first relationship failed, I thought I am unlucky when it comes to love. But what I forgot about is, love doesn't always need to be romantic. We should stop saying that we are unlucky with love just because our relationship with others failed. There are different kinds of love-- and this includes the love we give for ourselves; the love that doesn't come from others.

"Kiya, come on! We're gonna be late!" Papa yelled from outside. I wiped my mouth and hurriedly went to my father who is waiting. 

"Sorry," I said when I entered their cab. I smiled shyly at dad's colleague who is now in the driver's seat. 

They are using a personal car and not the usual police car. Maybe because of their work? Also, they are not wearing a police uniform, instead, they look like civilians. I didn't bother asking about it since I guess, it is for their fieldwork. 

"Thank you, papa. Stay safe." I kissed papa's cheeks and hugged him. I also bid goodbye to his colleague.

If I knew that it will take this long for papa to go home, I should've hugged him tighter. Months had passed. Still no traces of papa. Usually, when he goes to his fieldwork, he never forgets to contact us every day. However, in the straight whole month, after he drove me to school that day, he didn't contact us.

"Mom, don't worry about it. Papa will be fine." I hugged my mom. I am in their room and she's alone, sobbing. I tried to comfort her even I am also slowly losing hope. 

I've always been comfortable when papa is leaving for his work. I always trust my intuition. By the time he left me, I thought the nervousness that I felt was only normal since he will be gone for weeks. But as the days go by and we still have no contact with him, the uneasiness that I feel is slowly growing.

"His office told us that Fred has no fieldwork. They have no fieldwork, Kiya!" I burst into tears while hugging her. We both wail on the wooden floor of our room. I'm glad that Kristine is already sleeping. This is not the time for her to see that the women she's leaning on are crying.

Two weeks when we haven't had any contact with papa, mama and I went to his station. His boss said that he's on leave and there is no fieldwork for him. We already filed a missing report. His co-workers already start investigating. 

Two months had passed. From the past months that papa is missing, our debts are increasing. I have no choice but to do a part-time job in a bar to help my mom finance my studies. As much as I don't want to work in a bar, I have no choice since I have classes during the day. I am a waitress here and I also sing occasionally if the bar owner asked me. Of course, I got extra income for that. I am grateful that I am blessed with this angelic voice of mine.

"Thank you for tonight, Kiya! Here are the tips that given by the customers," Remy, my boss, enthusiastically said as he handed me the brown rectangular envelope. He playfully slapped my shoulder and smirked at me.

"Woah!" My lips turned in an o-shape when I saw how much money I make tonight. I turn my head to Remy while my hands covered my still opened mouth.

"I know riiighhht! A guy gave you $1000 dollars. Even I was surprised. I know my bar is not a high-end one so I didn't expect someone will give a tip that big to you!" He made a single clap and jump a bit.

"Do you know him? Or, is he a regular customer?" I asked curiously. This is too big for a tip! This is even bigger than my salary for the whole year! 

"Actually, he didn't show his face. It was just one of his hot bodyguards who gave me the tip. See that?" He pointed at a bulky man on the side of the dancefloor, watching us. "He wanted to make sure that I handed you the tip." The guy walked away calmly when he saw us looking at him.

"Whoever he is, can you tell him how grateful I am?" I sincerely said. This is a big help to us. We can now pay some of our debts!

"If I will be able to know him, then I will," Remy smiled at me. He leaned closer to whisper something. "You know what, I think that guy is not just rich but also hot! His bodyguard is hot so I think..." he chuckled, not completing his sentence.

I smirked. He is always like this. Remy is the owner of this bar and every night, he does a 'manhunt', trying to flirt with his guy customers. 

"I just want to say thank you to him..." I sighed. Whoever he is, he's probably an angel sent by Him! 

"Kiya!" Remy and I turn our heads to Jaxon. He enters the bar and went to us.

"There's your childhood friend s***h the-guy-who-probably-likes-you-since-birth," he teased. He even bumped his elbow on my side.

"Shut up, Remy. We're just friends," I said. Remy just makes face.

"I just got home from work. I went here to walk you home. Let's go?"Jaxon continuously said as he attempted to snake his arm on my waist. I simply avoided my body by turning to Remy.

"Remy, we got to go. Thank you for tonight. This is a big help." I said. However, Remy isn't listening. He keeps on doing nonverbal gestures. He probably noticed my avoidance on Jaxon's arm.

Jaxon didn't try to put his arm on me again when we walked out of the bar. 

I thought that my night will be completely going smoothly, however, when we exited the bar, I saw a familiar physique standing outside a black SUV. With his usual faded jeans and plain white shirt, Ace is leaning on the sliding door of his car while puffing a cigarette. There are also some of his bodyguards blending with the civilians. I notice them by the way they glance at Ace as if someone might attack him. 

He did change a lot huh? Ace doesn't like to have bodyguards. I wonder what changed his mind.

Ace turns his head at us when he realizes someone is looking at him. It was already eleven in the evening. Even under the dark night sky glittered with white-like dust, I can clearly sense the dangerous ambiance covering his whole body. His presence alone feels very rough. As I look into his eyes, I see a mixture of pain, anger, and confusion. I don't know what among those emotions are dominant. I don't know what these emotions are for.

I blinked. And in just a swift movement, when I look back on his eyes, all were replaced by emptiness—like a soul that was lost in the middle of nowhere. 

"Kiya, let's go," Jaxon motioned me to continue walking. He rested his arm on my shoulder. This time, I didn't avoid it. I don't know if I let Jaxon do it because I am too weak to speak, or maybe I want to prove to someone that I am already fine.

Unlike before that I always notice him and Samantha walking in the school ground side by side, I haven't seen him at school for the past weeks... or maybe months now? I barely notice it since my attention is on my family and my missing father.

"Do you still love him?" Jaxon asked after we got off the bus. He jogged to catch my pace since I am walking faster.

We are now heading to our house. Before I can give him my answer, my phone rang. I immediately answered it when I saw that it was mama. 

"Kiya!" her voice was drowned by her sobs. I straightened my shoulder and my eyes went wide. 

"Mom, what happened?!" instead of getting an answer, what I hear is a continuous wailing of my mom. I even heard Kristine on the other line, also crying.

"Kiya? Who's that?" Jaxon asked but my mind went blank. 

With shaking hands, I dropped my arm. I grip my phone tightly and started running. Jaxon runs after me while trying to calm me. 

 Father. He's the only reason I can think of. I know this has something to do with him.

When I reached the house, I hurriedly went in. I saw Kristine on our wooden seat, crying. I went to her and hugged her tight. 

"What h-happened, K-kristine? Where's m-mama?" I asked with a quivering voice.

"S-she went t-to the p-police station a-after..." she cried loudly. Jaxon also entered the house. He helps me to calm Kristine. "a-after she got a c-call that p-papa... is possibly d-dead..." 

I slammed down on the floor. Tears are continuously pouring from my eyes. Sobs are escaping my lips. The strong facade that I am displaying over the past months is now slowly being shattered. From their cries earlier, I already knew what kind of news I will be receiving. However, at the back of my mind, I'm still hoping for the opposite.

"Kiya, stay here with Kristine. I'm going to the police station to look for your mom." My mind, as well as my vision, are both blurry. I don't understand what Jaxon said but one this is for sure... I have to be strong for my sister... for mama. I nod my head even I didn't hear what he said. He immediately went off when he saw me responded. 

My father is a very honorable man. He may look stern on the outside, but I know he just wants to protect us. He is the kind of man that will do everything for his family. He's the one who works day and night in order to give us a good life. We may be struggling sometimes but he always finds a solution for it. That is why now that he was gone, we all fell back in the mud. 

A year had passed after the last lead from my father. When my mom went to the police station that night, she was informed that my dad was probably dead but they will still continue the investigation. They come up with that conclusion since the body of his colleague was found—full of bullets. And to my father... they recovered his hand... only his hand. One year had passed but my father's body has still hasn't found. 

"Krista, get out of there! Stop hiding!" I saw a woman wearing a long home dress in front of our house, frantically banging our gate with her knuckles. Her head is full of hair curlers, and even her back is facing me, I can clearly sense her rage. And I know why.

I just got home from my job at Remy's bar. I am now a full-time waitress. I am already in my second year in Accounting when I stopped going to school. Obviously, I and mom cannot afford it anymore. However, I did not let my sister stop her schooling. Even we are financially struggling, I will make sure she can continue her studies. 

"Good evening, miss Rose—" 

"Where's your mother?!

"She's—"

"It's been months yet she still hasn't pay for the money that she borrowed from me!"

"Sorry, miss Rose. We still haven't recovered from my father's—"

"There you go again! You and your mother always use your father to run from your debts! I know you're struggling but I also need my money!"

"I-I can pay the half of it t-today..." I said weakly. Her face lit up and she calmed a bit. She crossed her arms over her chest while waiting for me to hand her almost all of my money from the salary that I got today.

"I'll come back next week for the other half, okay?! Don't you dare try to hide like your mother!" she said as she snatched the money from my hand and walked away.

I tilted my head at the dark blue sky. There are no stars. A sign that there will be rain. It was dark, gloomy, and endless. Just like our family's life... dark, gloomy, but not endless. Maybe the only thing in our life that endless is pain, grief, and hardships.

The tears of the lonely sky started kissing my bare face. Before I'll wet my whole body, I entered our house.

"Mom?" I called. No one answered. 

The living room is empty. The cracks made by my old pumps whenever it hits the small wooden stairs in our house are even too loud because of the deafening silence.

"Kristine?" I called. I checked her room but it's empty. However, her school bag is already there. 

My heart pounded loudly. I hurriedly went to my mom's room. When I opened the door, a horrible sight welcomed me.

My eleven-year-old sister is on the corner of my mom's room, hugging her legs, quivering in fear and confusion, while silently crying. Her head is slightly tilting while looking at the lifeless body of my mom, hanging in the ceiling with a rope around her neck. Unlike my sister, I screamed. 

Along with the thunder, I screamed the fear, the agony, the grief. The sky cried heavily. The thunder growled fearfully. The wind blew coldly. All of these match my emotions.  I felt like the universe hears my cries and shares my heartache. 

All my life, even I say that I am already contented with what I have, I know that in my deepest desires, I've been asking for more. I took for granted the things that I had. I was even guilty of treating my break-up as my number one problem, not knowing that there will be something more... something unbearable.

Is this really how it should be? Should we always learn it the hard way in order to realize the value of what we have? Why does the world cannot be gentle?

I went to my sister and hugged her in my arms as we cried silently along with the clouds. As we embrace each other, our wails become louder... because we knew... we knew that we now only have each other. We are now alone.

'Mama? Papa? Why did you leave us? '

---End of Flashback---

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 Unedited. Expect typo and grammatical errors.

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A Night With My Ex

by: Joanne Cristel

©2021